This topic is about a woman who is struggling to reconnect with her husband after having ostomy surgery. Before the surgery, they had a loving and active intimate life, but since then, her husband has become distant, avoiding physical affection and intimacy. She is seeking advice on how to show him that she is still the same person and to rekindle their relationship.

Here are some suggestions and insights that might help:

1. Communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation with him about what specifically is bothering him. It could be fear of hurting you, concerns about appearance or smell, or something else entirely. Consider having this conversation in a neutral setting or with the help of a counselor or clergy member.

2. Professional help can be beneficial. Couples or individual counseling is highly recommended. If he refuses to engage in counseling or honest discussions after a year, it might be time to reassess the relationship.

3. A medical or educational approach might help. Encourage him to meet privately with your surgeon or ostomy nurse to address any fears he might have about hurting you during intimacy. Sharing written resources, like the Canadian Cancer Society booklet on sex and intimacy, could also be useful.

4. Gradually reintroduce intimacy. Start with non-sexual affection like holding hands, hugging, and kissing without any pressure for intercourse. Let him see how you manage the appliance to reassure him that it is secure and painless for you.

5. Use visual and practical aids to boost confidence. Consider using pouch covers, wraps, tube tops, or attractive underwear to conceal the appliance and keep it stable. You can find these items online or in specialty stores.

6. Experiment with different forms of intimacy. Try mutual masturbation, watching porn together, or taking a more assertive role in seducing him to break the ice.

7. Balance patience with self-preservation. Some have found that patience and reaffirming love helped them reconnect, even if it took years. However, prolonged rejection can harm your self-esteem, and if his avoidance continues, separation or divorce might be healthier for you.

8. Remember your personal worth. Your ostomy is a life-saving badge of survival, and your value does not depend on his acceptance. Seek spiritual guidance or prayer if that is comforting to you.

Ultimately, if after honest discussions, education, and counseling he still refuses intimacy, the issue lies with him, not you. You deserve a partner who embraces all of you.