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Sep 01, 2018

Seeking advice on dating with a permanent ileostomy

This topic is about navigating the dating world with a permanent ileostomy, which is a surgical opening created to help with waste removal, often due to conditions like ulcerative colitis. The person sharing their story is looking for advice on how to meet someone who will accept them and their stoma, especially after experiencing relationship challenges and separation.

Here are some helpful insights and advice:

1. Keep a positive outlook and approach dating as you normally would. Confidence can help others see your ileostomy as just a part of who you are, not a big deal.

2. Decide when to disclose your ileostomy based on your comfort level. Some people choose to share this information only after a mutual interest or connection has developed, which helps filter out those who might not be understanding.

3. Seek out people who already have an understanding of ostomies. This can be through:
- Hospital-based or local ostomy support groups, if available.
- Online communities and dating sites, with Plenty of Fish (POF.com) being specifically recommended.

4. Consider dating someone who also has an ostomy, as this can immediately remove any concerns about acceptance.

5. There are real-life success stories to draw inspiration from:
- A widow with a permanent ostomy found a supportive boyfriend who saw the bag as "no big deal."
- A widower with a permanent colostomy met accepting partners through dating sites, and one now lives with him.

6. Your attitude can make a big difference. If you are relaxed and straightforward about your stoma, potential partners are likely to feel the same way.

7. Explore medical options if you're interested, such as a continent ileostomy (Koch Pouch), which eliminates the need for an external bag. More information can be found at the provided link.

8. Remember your strength and resilience. You've overcome serious health challenges, and anyone who can't accept your ileostomy isn't deserving of your time and energy.
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