How do people feel less isolated?

Hi, Mr. Brightside -

I've had my ileostomy for more than 50 years -- of course, this is just my opinion -- but I never even considered letting my ileostomy "define" me or have any negative impact on my life. I was 17 when I got my ileostomy, and there hasn't been a day of my life since that I haven't felt incredibly blessed to have lived in a time when that life-saving surgery was available to me. Even though it's been more than 50 years, I can still remember how miserable life was before my ileostomy. I had ulcerative colitis, and if you want to talk about something that was isolating, that was excruciatingly isolating for me.

After my ileostomy, I attended several support group meetings, but they just weren't for me. Again, this is just my opinion, but what I encountered were groups of very nice people, but they seemed to identify themselves by their ostomies. I certainly respect anybody who chooses to do that, but that just didn't appeal to me at all.

Relating this to your question, I would suggest taking a step back and clearly identifying to yourself who you are and what kind of life you want to live. You mentioned that now changing your bag is second nature. That's great! That's exactly what it should be. It's not a big deal. You are not a "freak of nature" that will be ridiculed by the local villagers if you venture out. Just be yourself!

I would recommend doing things that you like to do. In my case, for example, I enjoyed bicycling, photography, working out, running, and reading to name a few things. I easily found groups, clubs, and classes for all those things. Most of the clubs and groups were free or had very minimal annual dues, and the same with community college classes. I took a bunch of non-credit adult classes at community colleges that were free. What a great way to meet people who share interests that I had. By just being myself and simply pursuing things that interested me, I met lots of people, and as a single guy at the time, I met lots of really wonderful females and enjoyed wonderful times dating. I've been happily married for 30+ years at this point, but having an ostomy at 17, I could have isolated myself -- I certainly had no money -- but I truly never considered it, so I just lived my life doing things that I enjoyed, and the social aspects of my life blossomed on their own.

I don't know if this helps at all -- I hope it does -- but years ago when I used to visit pre-ostomy patients in the hospital, the most important information I felt that I could impart to them -- most of whom were scared to death -- was that life with an ostomy can be great or it can suck. The choice is yours.

Like you, I quickly discovered that changing bags was easy, not a big deal at all. So why should my life be different from any other person's life? My answer is, "It shouldn't be," and with a little effort, you can ensure that you are as active and social as you want to be.

I wish you much happiness, good health, and heartwarming socialization in the future. Just be yourself. You sound like a really nice person.

Milford

G-Day Milford,

That is the best message you can give to a new ostomate I have ever read.

Regards, IGGIE

Ditto that with a big stamp!

I usually don't read posts that long, but that was an awesome reply, Milford. 👍

Hi there!

I had these same feelings after my surgery for an ileostomy. Search for local groups or one thing I did was go to the library; it's free here. I researched, asked questions, and put myself out there to my local community. I ended up pursuing and eventually being hired by Convatec so that I could help people, which gives me purpose again! The suggestion to visit the Ileostomy Association site is a great idea and very helpful. You have to force the life you are looking for. There is always something to do that doesn't cost a lot or any money, but you have to be creative and not give up!

How to Adjust to Life with an Ostomy with Bruce | Hollister

Hi, I do understand your feeling of isolation. It has been 3 years for me, and things are getting better. Maybe give volunteering a try. You will meet so many people; the only cost is transportation to the site. You may even meet someone willing to pick you up and take you there. I found this so helpful for getting out of the isolation funk.

Just saw this. I was so sick for so long, and my beloved dog actually died! Then, the damn pandemic. Got into Zoom meetings, etc. Started Live Strong and now Stay Strong. I have a wonderful dog and some people in my life. Still lonely at times, but look at the awful situations many people in the world have to endure, and I guess I count my blessings. You're in my thoughts.

Welcome to the site! I see this is your first post.

Hang out a bit, and you'll find a great group here.

Can you adopt a puppy or dog and take classes? Volunteer at a shelter?

Or a cat. A little kitty pal.  

🔒 Login to see image
Like mine. The Weasel. Here, daring me to pet her. I only fell for this ploy the first time. Once scratched, always wary.

Yeah, you can tell with that look in his eye. That's one cheeky void.

That look says, "Come play with me." The rules are 1) I get to use teeth and claws, and 2) you get to be scratched and bitten. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Kinda fun... the first time.

Now I wear a ski glove. The Weasel will scratch and bite it for a few seconds... then scamper off. I'm going to rename her: The Chicken.

Spray bottle works well too.

😁

Does a spray bottle work on people too? I can think of a few I'd like to spray. 🤣

Yes, co-workers, for example, wear safety glasses when they get too close for comfort. Get back, you beast.

Take that!

The Weasel retorts: "Bottle works... if you have time to pull the trigger." Feeling lucky???

Agreed!

Oopsie. I apologize to Iggie and Warrior for my sluggish response, but thank you for your very kind words.

I don't know if hospitals or doctors offer it anymore, but years ago when I would visit individuals in the hospital, prior to their ostomy surgery, the people I visited were extremely grateful and appreciative. Most were scared to death, and to have someone like me, who had an ostomy, pay them a visit and be a "normal" person, living a good life, having a social life, enjoying sports, etc., was very reassuring to them. It also was very fulfilling to me to share that aspect of my life and help reassure somebody on the cusp of entering our exclusive "club" that a wonderful life lay ahead of them as an ostomate. I always gave them my phone number and email address and invited them to contact me at any time. I hope hospitals still offer that service. Thank you again.

Great job, Milford.

IGGIE

You were doing something that you had wished someone else would be doing for you at that time... a big brother or sister kind of thing.

I believe hospitals and doctors would never allow such a service due to liability.

If a doctor recommended an ostomy patient check out this forum, for example, and that patient tried something from what members suggested and failed at it, the doctor could be responsible.

So I doubt it... such a service...

I mean they got rid of candy stripers... do you remember them?

Well, I've just been made branch chairman of the local IA group, a little more than I bargained for,

it's been dormant for quite some time, and we're looking at getting a monthly group meeting organized.

I've already designed some posters to display in the wards for gastric surgery recovery to let people know of the support available after they are discharged. I plan to organize going onto the wards every couple of weeks to talk to people who are about to have or have had an ostomy. (This is if the hospital is okay with it)

Not quite what I was expecting when someone advised me to look at volunteering, and it's a little daunting 😅.

Will have to see how it goes.

That's taking an idea and running with it!

You'll do great. It may not be perfect, but it will be better than what you had.

Thomas,

That is a great decision - may your energies abound and your happiness multiply.

As Milford said - there is one sure thing that is a real tonic for an impending ostomate to encounter - and that is a positive but realistic person who is not defined by his/her ostomy but is able to share experience and balance a positive approach to field a living positive example by way of their own experience to others.

Mr. Brightside will be anticipated by many - be awaited with some trepidation by those who have never met an ostomate - GOOD LUCK - great decision ..... Many within your territory will benefit and your own sense of worth will [I know from my own experience of being 'a professional patient' in the past] increase when you are able to inspire others.

waves to Sheffield from a hillside in West Wales

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Jayne ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Thank you!