Dealing with Hurtful Comments from a Partner

well said.....life is a bumpy road. sometimes something blocks the path........sometime you jump over it...sometimes you go round...and sometimes you must even crawl under it....still...you must move forward.
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  peace all !!!

What a lovely tribute to your wife and your marriage!  I hope you are speaking by now.  I want to apologize to beyondpar and anyone who might have been offended by my silly comment.  I meant it in the most lighthearted way and did not mean to be a "floozy".  It was meant in fun and I am sorry I made the comment.
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  I don't always think.
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mary, i dont think anyone took offence{especially mike}... we try to keep things fun and lighthearted on here. sometimes a thread like this drifts a bit and sparks an interesting
conversation...thats a good thing. i know you are new...but i think you will fit in well here.
so many never post....so forgive my tease..and keep those  thoughts coming...thats what keeps this forum interesting........
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  mmsh

I am nothing if not fun and lighthearted.  Thank you for being accepting to those of us who are new to the group.

Absolutely, no-one would take offence I'm sure, and I bet his profile hits went up a bit! (I sneaked a peek anyway!)

How to Get Back to Activity after Ostomy Surgery with Kimberly | Hollister

Yes kinda talking nothing major just hello lmao,, doink don't ya just love life doink hahaha

Dear Lottagelady,  Thank you for not taking me too seriously.  When you get old and have been a widow for sixteen years just about anything can come out of your mouth.......er, fingers.  Think Sophia, Dorothy's mother on "The Golden Girls."  She had no filter on her thoughts.
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Oh, there's no age limit on it! I've had a head full of mince since I was pregnant, and now? Well, 3 times this week I have lost things that I put somewhere 'safe' - I just cannot remember where; if I don't write things on my online calendar, I don't do it; and feel like I've just lost the plot completely - apparently that's from the Fibromyalgia I have and probably the cocktail of drugs I'm on, but even knowing that, I still can't find stuff or remember anything!

Isn't it just the pits!?  Thank heavens for the computer.  If I've forgotten a name I can usually put enough clues into search to find it;  I probably do this three or four times a day.
Thanks heavens we can blame our meds for this disorder; I would hate to think it was just me.
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what was we talkin about again?
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We were just talking girl talk.  We can certainly change the subject.  What are you doing for fun today, Gus?
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Well played a game called flash point dragon rising,, mowed the lawns and then went and hooked up my trailer to take a load to Tamworth,, other than that not much. What you doin,,

I think somebody mentioned having a joint and, and and, Aw hell!
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I noticed while I was looking around this site a blog called Maryallison's blog.  It was about UGG, whatever that is.  If you come across it, I did not write it and do not know who did or what it is even about.  UGG is a very useful word in some circumstances however.

It seems that if you click onto it, it says that you wrote it - it now says that I wrote it, and I didn't either - weird!

Ugg is a very good word, especially when I go all caveman with my wife hehehe
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Gus, you are a hoot!  Keep on with your funny self!
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Once when I was pg with my last son, my ex (then husband) told me that pg women were ugly to him. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I admit I dont feel the same way about my body as I once did. I have 2 bags, hate em both. Prob always will. My boyfriend left me, by text message, when he found out I would have to have the surgery, and two bags and may STILL have cancer cells floating around ( I do). I used to love to take a bubble bath, light some candles, and have a glass of wine (boyfriend included)// but now I only get the water thigh deep so I dont get my seals wet. I have a hard enough time with one of them leaking, if they get wet I will have to change them, and we all know how expensive they are. So much has changed, I just feel like a different person now. It is like the joy has been sucked out of my life and I just dont know how to get it back. I work during the day, then in the PM I get hooked up to my TPN at 7 so I can be free in the Am to go back to work. During the day I worry about my bags getting too full and maybe leaking. That stuff can be heavy. I am sure, with time and once I am off this TPN I will change how I feel. I tried wearing my blue jeans, but dont feel right in them anymore. Baby steps, I am trying to adjust. I am really just glad to still be alive, but once in awhile I sure miss my old life and being proud of my body. Guess I put to much imphisis (sp) on it and God is really showing me how vain I was..Jeanie

Hi, I can only give my opinion on how my husband reacted with regards to me having a colostomy.

I was a healthy person never been ill I considered myself to be blessed to have my health then one day last year I ended up with a colostomy, my story is too in depth to go into it.

My husband was very distraught seeing me with a stoma on my tummy as I was but once I got use to it ( which took a while ) my husband just excepted it and our intimacy never changed. We both would look at it and think this for me was so unnessary but we had to get on with it.

I am happy to say I had my reversal of my colostomy and my Hernia Repaired on the 14th Oct 09 and all is settling down. I know I am one of the lucky ones.

I guess if someone loves you they love you unconditionally. Pippa

Hi Janee,

I spoke at the UOAA National Conference in New Orleans on Intimacy.  I gave out a list of all the companies that make various types of intimate wear that can be worn.  If you send me a message with your e-mail address I will be glad to send you a copy of the list.

Sincerely,
Aileen

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"what's the ugliest part of your body, I think its your mind"


(song lyric by the late Frank Zappa of the Mothers of Invention)

We are NOT disabled, we are NORMAL!

Get rid of them....or get an Angel Pouch Cover. I have worn my for years. I have been married 4 times as well. None of them really ever saw the pouch only the covers. I designed and wear them because I don't like the plastic. Plus I love Snoopy.

Well I have a very simple answer to your question...Find another partner. One who sees your internal BEAUTY which makes you beautiful and desireable externally.
I have been on dating sites, met men, dated and waited until I could look him in the eyes before I told about my illeostomy. I have had TOADS who couldn't drop me off fast enough and treated me as if they would catch something-lol..Then I've have had partners who made me feel BEAUTIFUL!!
I wonder if men with ostomies have had similar experiences (?)

SassySandee

from a bag man. My experience with an Ileostomy most women don't seem to mind. I always say right at the start I have Ileostomy.  Never met anyone on sites I know that must be akward explaining. I think men do have it easier than women.  That's just my view. When you get intermate they panic at first thinking they are going to hurt your stomach but once they get over that it's OK.

Gee everyone has a bad day and sometimes people say things they really do not mean....it hurts.........but well ..........they should realize after what they have said ...........and apologize.....if not then.......well it hurts...

I have been with someone 38 years.........I remember when I had the operation 10 years ago..... and immediately   after the operation

while  I was with my doctor and the stoma nurse to see what was done to me...I asked my partner to be there...and he bravely said yes............I then questioned if I should have asked him to be there.....

as soon as the bandages were removed he got sick and left the room throwing up...........gee he could have left then and kept on going...................he stayed and never said a word........it takes courage...as well is also a shock for others.........I think all of us should understand this also...........is a dramatic change for all.........

For intimacy I have no problem..........I am not afraid of it anymore...I was at the beginning.........it goes away.........it is just a bag........we are all still the same person...before the operation............ a bit confused..maybe .....but .that goes away also......we adapt.......like so many of you out there.............keep adapting everyone.....is still a road of discovery .....that we are all on...........

Hi

I really enjoyed your comments on the subject, youwould make a fantastic councillor, you seem to be very understanding.

I had the sugery done about 5years ago, and it was hell for the fist 12months, but I don't even think about it now.

I lead a full and active life, am in the proceeds of a divorce ( nothing to do with the pouch), and will be glad when it is over so I can get on with my life again.

Look forward to hearing from you

Jean

Get another partner, that is mean. Tell your partner to growup

I agree with Boss.
Yano, it's one thing to say something in the heat of the moment when you are fighting or something and then say you're sorry and forgive and forget.
It's a totally different thing to say something so horrifying and insensitive to your partner when they have gone through such a traumatic event. There is NO excuse for it.

I think if you have a problem, and honestly, we can't blame people for NOT being able to handle this situation, there are more tactful ways of talking to your partner.

I was in a marriage for 19 years that actually made me excuse hurtful, downright MEAN comments & actions due to him beating me down and making me feel no one would ever want me or love me. It was his way of controlling me. (That was before I even had this ostomy) So I would put money on it that her partner is always saying things to her like this, this isn't the first.

Well, guess what? Other men DO find me attractive, with or without this bag. So, you need to pick yourself up & realize you do NOT deserve this type of treatment and find you someone who loves you for you.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE, NOT SOME PRICKLESS LITTLE D-BAG....

love to you, Hannah

I got my ostomy while I was married.  And I had a huge discussion prior to the surgery, both of us being very informed.  I gave him the out right then and there.   He wasn't bothered by it at all.   And it all went well.  

I don't know what type of appliance you have to use - but I use the Convatec two piece system.  The pouch itself is skin color.  Unlike the clear one piece.  I certainly felt much better using this myself.  And the pouch never bothered my husband.  I had my surgery first done 7 years ago.  

Funny though .. we are currently getting divorced.  Nothing to do with the ostomy at all.  Funny how things work out, huh?  
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Since i had my rectum removed my Mrs reckons I,m near perfect.as a hubby. She reckons its because i had the asshole cut out of me hehehe
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