One Year After Cancer: A Journey of Fear, Recovery, and Hope

Replies
17
Views
10124
facingmyfears
Mar 11, 2010 7:44 pm
All,

So sorry I've been out of pocket lately. I've been on an emotional roller coaster since Thanksgiving (was in the middle of Folfox chemo treatments).

...but I believe the darkest days are behind me and I'm finally beginning to see relief from this cancer journey.

Spooky... exactly 1 year ago, to the day, is when my OB/GYN 'discovered' a 'mass'... during a routine annual exam! The darkest day of my life.

Here we are, a year later, and I just received a clean bill of health from my surgeon. I had my reversal on February 11, 2010, right in the middle of the Mid-Atlantic blizzards! Right before my surgery, I lost power in my home from one of the snowstorms, so I spent the whole night changing my ileostomy 'pouch' in the dark, with no heat, in the middle of one of the coldest winters in history. On top of that, my neuropathy side effects (extreme sensitivity to cold) from chemo were at a peak.

My reversal surgery went well YEA! The caveat being that the 'discharge' nurse failed to warn me of the potential issues I would have, after having not used my lower 'organs' for 7 months
Login to see image


Long story short, I was incontinent for 2.5 weeks after surgery! YIKES!! I was horrified and afraid to call the hospital for fear that they would tell me 'oh no, something went wrong... gonna have to give you the bag again!' YIKES again! So I suffered those weeks and finally had my post-op visit yesterday with my surgeon. She explained that, because of the location of my tumor (low), the stitching was close to the nerve centers that manage bowel control. Thus, it just takes a little longer for that area to heal and resume normal function. She was extremely confident that I would be just fine (and I trust her implicitly). She was right. Each day shows improvement, I'm pain-free, and the 'control' is about 95%. She told me to be patient for the remaining 5% (it WILL come), gave me a hug, and told me to get on with my life... I feel so blessed! (crying as I write this)

Such an emotional visit—she gave me hope where the first surgeon stripped me of all hope (he misdiagnosed my cancer and told me there was no chance of reversal).

And oh, I sent all of my unused ostomy supplies to Haiti! Thanks, Sweene!

I'm so grateful to this website and to all those who open their hearts to heal others! All of you kept me from going insane during my darkest chemo hours.

Thank you!!!!!!! Sharon/facingmyfears
Txgirl
Mar 11, 2010 8:16 pm
Sharon,
             I am so happy for you and many congratulations on your reversal! Are you cancer free now?
I cringed when I read about your trials of having to change your bag in the cold and the dark! How horrible!!
You are so strong and such a warm, wonderful person, I don't even have words for how happy I am for you!!!!!!!  {{hugs}}

love you, Hannah
iMacG5

When I found this web site, I didn't think its name had anything to do with actually meeting an ostomate but I later learned there were some folks who did meet and develop relationships. How good is that? That wasn't my intention. I definitely didn't want anyone to meet me. I felt broken and wasn't prepared to express those feelings. I thought it was a place where ostomates wrote about themselves, posed questions, shared thoughts, told jokes and, sometimes, just vented. I thought of it as a community of folks with similar interests and various degrees of experience. Mostly I found some of the most caring, selfless, wise and understanding people I ever imagined. I was so impressed with some of the writings; not because of their literary value but the way in which they addressed such a very complex environment. I read hundreds of exchanges and admired the way folks cared for each other. I became hopeful with my own situation and looked forward to the next day's offerings. Certainly some contributors stood out with their experience or particular skills in addressing some things but it seemed like a total effort with synergistic results. I felt blessed to have found this site. I still do.
Mike

lottagelady
Mar 11, 2010 8:18 pm
Oh Sharon, bravo! That is wonderful news, truly so pleased for you, (though perhaps you shouldn't have sat there worrying about not healing on your own - I am sure that someone here could have put you right ..... silly girl!)

Loads of hugs from across the pond,

Rachel xx
facingmyfears
Mar 11, 2010 8:32 pm


Hi Hannah Banana!

Yes, I am cancer free!  When I had my first surgery, my pathology report was crystal clear(removed tumor + 14 lymph nodes, all negative).   And my blood tests have been normal as well.  So far, so good on the big 'C'
Login to see image


I'm putting this cancer saga behind me...Yea!....going to take my mother to Hawaii for two weeks as a thank you...... she protected me 24/7 for an entire year.  
Login to see image


love you too, Hannah.  sending many hugs from Annapolis
facingmyfears
Mar 11, 2010 8:36 pm


Hi Rachel!

Guilty as charged!!!!!  You know, sometimes when you're so afraid, you just sink into an abyss that you can't escape from.   Geeze, I guess I should live up to the username facingmyfears!  It's hard sometimes!

Love ya lots, Rachel (from across the (BIG) pond)
Login to see image
  
 

Tips on Hernia Prevention with Collin | Hollister

Play
junopete
Mar 11, 2010 9:29 pm
Sharon,

I hadn't seen you post for quite some time.  I knew you had a reversal coming up.

I was wondering how it went, now I know.  Sounds all good.

In reading your your earlier posts, I had the impression you were an emotional wreck, which is very sad.

You have turned the corner.

Always good to hear a positive story.

Thank you for the update.

Rick.....
lottagelady
Mar 11, 2010 9:45 pm
Hi Rachel!

Guilty as charged!!!!!  You know, sometimes when you're so afraid, you just sink into an abyss that you can't escape from.   Geeze, I guess I should live up to the username facingmyfears!  It's hard sometimes!

Love ya lots, Rachel (from across the (BIG) pond)
Login to see image
  
[/quote]


I know exactly what you mean ... when I am feeling low or unwell I also tend to withdraw somewhat - it is almost as though you don't feel able to give support to someone else when you yourself are there in those depths, and I also seem to lose my sense of humour....

May I add here though that there are some very observant people on this site who have spotted my little disappearances and have contacted me to check on me! Many thanks boys (how strange is that - it is the men that notice!), I am very grateful - you know who you are! Hugs xxxxx
WOUNDED DOE
Mar 11, 2010 10:11 pm
Sharon!!  
Login to see image
  I feel so terrible about all the horrible things you've had to endure ....and now I am so happy that things are looking up for you!!  So great to have you back!!!!!
Login to see image

Login to see image
  

~Hugs from your Doe!
facingmyfears
Mar 12, 2010 5:35 pm


Thanks, Rick!!!!!   Hope you're well and happy.    Yeah, I was an emotional wreck, alright
Login to see image
   Do you want to hear something wierd?   My mind has completely blocked out what it felt like to have a ileostomy/stoma! I had a friend who had a successful reversal 10 years ago, and I met her 6 years ago.   During our entire friendship, I never knew she had had a colostomy in her past...and we were very close friends!   She told me that when she had her reversal, she never looked back.  That stuck with me.  She also said 'I'm definitely not ashamed of my experience with ostomy by any means, I just don't want my future to be defined/shaped  by this dark period....and I don't want to brand myself'.   Interesting.....
facingmyfears
Mar 12, 2010 5:39 pm


Well, HELLO Wounded Doe!!!!!!   Thanks for the sweet note!   Yeah, it's good to be back....you all have been Angels to me during this journey.   Many hugs and kisses to my 'Doe'
Login to see image
    btw, I love your profile name...it goes directly to the heart!
beatrice
Mar 12, 2010 5:52 pm
Sharon, I'm so happy things have worked out so well for you! Enjoy your vacation and keep in touch with us too.

Hugs from Beatrice
facingmyfears
Mar 12, 2010 5:55 pm


Thanks Beatrice!!!!!!   Oh man, I'm soooo excited about vacation....I could just SCREAM!!!!  
Login to see image
  

hugs and warm thoughts coming to you ...and that cool puppy you have in your profile pic!
Past Member
Mar 12, 2010 6:32 pm
Dearest Sharon,

Most excellent news
Login to see image
, after all you have been through, to hear you are on the road to recovery.

Hope you have a great time in Hawaii, mmmm sun, sand and surf
Login to see image
and a few cocktails by the pool sounds mighty fine to me!   Enjoy!  
Login to see image


Best wishes and hugs
Login to see image
,  Jo x
Txgirl
Mar 12, 2010 7:03 pm
Sharon,
               Hawaii will a blasty blast! My oldest son is stationed there, he is a Marine. I hope you don't get into mischief like he has!! lol
Login to see image

Have a great time and look forward, never back.

love you, Hannah
gutenberg
Mar 12, 2010 8:02 pm
Sharon its nice to see you back, we missed you so much so take especially good care of yourself, nobody knows more than yourself what you have endured , all my best Ed
Login to see image

Login to see image

Login to see image
facingmyfears
Mar 12, 2010 9:21 pm
Dearest Sharon,

Most excellent news
Login to see image
, after all you have been through, to hear you are on the road to recovery.

Hope you have a great time in Hawaii, mmmm sun, sand and surf
Login to see image
and a few cocktails by the pool sounds mighty fine to me!   Enjoy!  
Login to see image


Best wishes and hugs
Login to see image
,  Jo x

Hi Jo!!!!  You bet, cocktails by the pool are a must     
Login to see image
   Cheers
!
facingmyfears
Mar 12, 2010 9:27 pm


Hi Ed!!!!  It's good to be back.
Login to see image
   I missed you guys!
Gus
Mar 14, 2010 1:37 am
Hey FMF sorry I havenet posted but I was kinda layed up.  I'm glad things are goin ok now and hope to see you more on the forums,, big hugs to ya, I missed you while you was away