My dear friends, after all the support I received from my last blog and how others seem to relate and not think I am completely off my rocker, I thought I might post one of my not-so-brilliant ideas so that others may avoid making the same mistake that I did. I thought that men would better accept me if they did not know I had this bag at all until they learned more about me first. Well, I got the brilliant idea to roll the bag up and tape it to me to make it less noticeable. Well, my plan worked until I got nervous and the bag began to fill up, although I had not eaten in more than 24 hours prior to my date. To make a long story short, the taped-up bag, although discreet, began to collect stool, didn't have enough room to expand, and began to leak under the wafer... I felt it begin to leak, went to the restroom, and had an absolute mess to deal with! I excused myself from the date, and he never called me again. Now I just let it hang and try not to be around anyone but immediate family and close friends who are aware of the bag. I have learned that this bag is something I have to deal with and some people are just too shallow to deal with it. What those people don't realize is that this could and does happen to a lot of people and so they better not say it will never happen to them because they may wake up one day and have one too!
Have a great day!
Karen
Hi Karen.
Well, I'm glad to hear you're starting to feel better about your bag, that's great! There are support belts you can buy that hold the bag in such a way that even a full bag won't pull or strain the stoma; they also hide the bag so no one can see it. In fact, I saw the company advertise here on Meet an Ostomate. I'm going to get one for myself so when I'm at work (the bottom of my bag peeks out from under my scrub shirt) none of the patients will see it. Keep your head up, my dear, believe in yourself, and stay positive. You will find someone who will accept you for the beautiful and awesome person that you are!
Blessings to you...dentalguy44
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Hi Mike and all. I am not sure how panoramic my perspective really is as my peripheral vision shrinks with each passing year. I can tell you that when I came to this website six years ago I was truly ;impressed by the positive attitudes of so many members, especially the younger folks who refused to let their ostomies define who they were or what they would become. I also came to appreciate that having an ostomy is not the same thing as having a disease. Pardon ;my pun now, but ostomies and cancer don't belong in the same bag. One is a solution, the other is a problem. Celebrating National Ostomy Day ;is also well outside my comfort zone. That's like celebrating National Wheel Chair Day. Come on!
I think there is a ;need for improved ;public awareness of ostomies, but I am not sure how that's best done. There ;remains ;some social stigma attached to our situation, and it's acutely felt among our young. We need to get out of the dark ages on this issue, but not by going 'in your face' to everyone else. I think Bill and NDY are 'spot-on' when it comes to telegraphing the right message to friends and family. People will know how to react when they ;see ;how we accept the cards we were dealt. I also appreciate the contribution some people here are making to this effort through their publications.
On a personal note, my son has been suffering from ulcerative colitis for years just like I did. I am very concerned because people with UC are at a higher risk for colon cancer. Years ago my GI told me to get annual colonoscopies to be on the safe side. I am glad I did because he eventually found pre-cancerous cells which led to several surgeries and my becoming an ostomate. Since then I have always ;conveyed a positive attitude to ;my son about wearing a bag because it has kept me alive to enjoy many more years with my loved ones. I think he got the message. We both go to the same gastroenterologist in NYC and get scoped on the same day. Father and Son moments!
Someone once wrote that our children are the letters we write to the future.
PB
I do agree with Karen in that our dates don't need to know upfront about our ostomy. If these friends remain friends, then the time will become obvious when it's time to relay that information to them. I have found that there are lots of good friends who aren't concerned about my ostomy in public, in bed, or otherwise. Loren
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Hi Karen, did your date know what happened, or did you just bail out and leave him hanging? The reason I ask is that if he didn't know, then he might figure he was the wrong type for you. Good luck, Ron in Mich.
Aww... :( Sorry that happened. It sounded like a good idea at the time, right?! I truly have to believe that there are people out there who feel that beauty is what is on the inside, and that our character should speak louder than our looks. And you are right, anyone could one day wake up and find that they have a pouch too, for life is not kind to any of us. But our true beauty and character are defined in the way we deal with those challenges and situations in our lives! Not by the fact that we have ostomies. Getting back into the swing of life and dating is a challenge and brings on a whole bunch of thoughts, worries, and fears. I hope that you and all of us don't lose faith and do find someone wonderful and accepting. Good luck! =)
Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
