AN OSTOMISADVENTURE

I was going to start with The Birth Day and that whole mystery, but this just happened, and I figured it had to come out right now, and then I'm letting it go. I'm sure others can identify.

I was out at The Gettin' Place this afternoon, and it was finally a nice sunny day, so I took a side trip to my "friend's" place downtown. I don't use the term "friend" lightly, so I'm calling him "P." Like most people, P knows very little of my condition(s). And I should have known better than to go too far because my flange was peeling, my skin around the ostomy was itchy, and I just had that feeling.

I call P. P says, 'Come over.' I meet him in the lobby because there is a sign on his door that says you can't go in his shitty little apartment until the bedbug spray has had a chance to do whatever for 4 hours. So he offers me a lift back home, and he invites himself in, and that's cool, but there is a leak coming, so I am running to the bathroom every 20 minutes. The conversation in the meantime mostly was him asking me about what kind of medications I was on and why, and I just was not into discussing it, and my answers were not too specific as usual. It's a bit later; he wants to go out and eat. What do I want to do? He wants me to come. He wants to know what I like? What's near? Let's go out! I am itching away and copping feels of myself just in case. I make coffee for us just to change the conversation. A really stupid thing to do if you have a leaking ileostomy. I am making all the excuses in the world. I'm not hungry. My show is coming on. I don't eat. I'm on a diet. I get nutrition from the atmosphere by osmosis!....and finally....

"Look, I have to hit the shower... MAN!!!." And he says, "You don't have one of those kidney tube things, do you?" A synapse in my brain went 'Pop.' "Ya....... I got all kinds of hardware down there. Inside and out... Alright?!" And he says, "Can I see?" By this time, I have left my body and am looking at the whole scene from above. The person below that looks like me rolls his eyes, sort of sneers, and says a little too loudly, "AS IF!" I only heard the rest. His voice, "Well, maybe I should get going." My voice very controlled and slow, "...yes....I think..that.would.be.best."

Next, I was fully aware I was pacing around my place, freaking out, alone. Finally, I went to the shower. Not a total disaster there, but not a moment too soon. Not the first time, nor the last I am sure, this kind of thing has happened. I really hate it when that happens. Sorry to all my "friends" for all my crazy, but this is exactly the situation I am trying to avoid, and if you could just give me my space when I need it and if I could communicate my needs better, we could maybe be better friends.

Now I am clean and dry, and I blarged it, and I am going to try and learn from it and forget it.