Okay, it's really late my time.... However, I thought I'd just throw something out there. I remember this week calling for programs as I am furthering my education. I talked to a program director for about 25 minutes, well my education and possible pursuit of neurodiagnostics and pharmacology. Then at the end, I blurted out something.... That I had surgery. Now most might find this odd, for me it did (but I just had this feeling). He was actually facing the same surgery possibly and asked me for advice. His concern, dating!!! As I was talking, it made me reflect. Trust me, I have a high tolerance for pain... see my profile page and see my injuries lol. Anyhow, I said after your health you focus on this, dating. Look, dating can be hard, trust me.... even those cheerleaders should come with a sign (yes, I had models and dated cheerleaders in my day hehe) that says, beautiful but comes with ibuprofen, no offense to the cuties. This director's concern was that he was single and had a little one.... and now this. He said that being in the medical field and talking to people he never saw one person do well. His sampling was four people to my knowledge. So I thought I was calling for advice, and I was giving it. I could hear his voice clear, as if he was going to cry. A man of high stature in the medical field might I add. However, I knew his concerns well. So it brought me to this.... he asked... how do I date or tell the girl, I don't know how I'd date again.
Not to be cliché, listen to Nick Lachey and the song "What's Left of Me"! I feel it. He is anticipating it. He might not need surgery, so I told him that as well, and his case was different from that of mine. Then it made me think..... my answer was this.... Don't tell the person right off the bat. I told him methods of hiding it that most medical professionals won't tell him. Now of course we talked in medical terminology... I got my degree in science. However, the point... I said let them get to know you!!! Let me repeat.. let them get to know you! Look, when it comes to the surgery, via scar, or appliance, etc.. you CAN hide it. I said once you become or get to the point of intimacy, you can do one of two things.....
1) Still hide it, keep shirt, hoodie, vest, whatever on... and just say hey I have a scar from a surgery (be general) and I am a little insecure. At this point without being vulgar lol, they won't care. It's called hormones.. they will ponder... but in the moment, nope.
2) If it gets to the point of intimacy, obviously the girl likes your looks and personality.... so at that point, you can tell her if you have a conscience from God. Now she knows you, finds you attractive (duh) and got to know you.
- Now some might say, well this isn't fair for the other person.... wrong! It's fair to you and that person. It's fair to you for obvious reasons, but it's fair to her (in this case, he's a guy) because she got to know your personality, not your illness or surgery mark. If I walked up and said.. hi my name is Ricky I had this happen.... obviously that person will pay attention to my problem in the past, not me. It's like if a guy said, check out that rack on her... you would look just from someone pointing it out. Girls, if a friend said (I have this happen to me a lot.. so I know you girls lol) said check out his butt... you would look, even if you thought I wasn't your type. See what I am saying? If you start with your surgery or illness that's what will get looked at..... and YOU are NOT your surgery! So let them look at you.
Then I proceeded by telling him that he had to have excellent credentials for me to even be speaking with him. So a girl would respect his education along with personality. Let her see both..... Okay now women... flip the genders around and my advice would be the same. I also mentioned to build up his body and we got into workout exercises.... However, it took me to my own life, like a self-reflection lol.... and when I got off the phone, I cried. I knew what he might be up against. So, that's my take. You can date or be intimate or have a cuddle buddy... whatever you want to coin your relations. It's just a little harder. Oh my conversation turned into over an hour and a half lol, He then said I can't believe what you've overcome and he'd see what he could do for me. I gave him my email if he ever needed it, to talk. Student to director.
Anyway guys, I am tired and sorry for any misspellings. However, I hope you find this insightful or maybe it hits your thoughts. I know it did me and him as well. Cheers! Oh, and again feel free to see my injuries lol. I hope you all find peace and confidence. If you're young like me, and had to face medical issues, it can be extra tough because you may yet have your significant other or degree/occupation.... In his case, this particular person had their occupation and degrees, just needed some love... and that you should all strive for. Also, it goes to show you insecurities we can all share. Night or good day. Dcrazy- AKA Rick bitty (P.S, you can search it if you want).
Added: The song by Nick Lachey I talked about at the beginning, "What's Left of Me" is here (a better one will be posted): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkmmzFVv52Q
An interesting read, something we will and have gone through. Thanks for taking the time.
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Angelica- As usual, you've written another interesting post. February 5th, 2019, was my reversal surgery after having an ileo for 6 months. I'm one of those fortunate success stories. Of course, things are different now, and I still have to be careful about what and how much I eat, as I don't have a colon. At first, I was afraid to leave the house. My biggest fear was having to use a public bathroom and have the toilet not flush! Even now, when I know that I'll be in someone else's home, I won't eat anything beforehand. I read other people's stories and sometimes feel guilty for having had it so easy, not to mention that I have a significant other who is 100 percent supportive. I've gotten so much out of this website and truly feel for those of you who have it so much worse than I. But I feel it necessary to let folks hear about the success stories.
Thanks, yes, you can still wear a t-shirt. Um, the hoodie, though, would you have that over your head? Might be a bit weird, LOL. I had that vision just then, a dude wearing his hoodie when doing the do. But sometimes you want to let it all out or off; for that case, yes, you're right though, get to know being a female. Sometimes guys just want to get to the point, so usually, that's out of the question. AKA Rick Bitty, never heard of you, but I'm from the other side of the world, and really, if you're a nice guy, that's pretty much all we ladies want :) xx
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@ Ledzep47, no problem. I am glad it helped, and thanks for reading (I know it was long lol). @ Daveo, thanks for reading. Yeah, obviously my convo was a lot longer than posted. Dating can be tough in the general sense, especially as people get older. Insecurities people already have, and then they might find themselves having more. Imagine a football player; you might throw an INT... but you eventually gotta get back out on the field and strap on the chin strap. You gotta have that confidence.
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Mooza, no problem. LOL. You wouldn't have the hoodie over your head... the hood would be in the back. I'd suggest a zip-down hoodie too. Even in a t-shirt, for someone who has an appliance, it might show. Hoodies can be great for guys. Guys typically have their appliance above the waistline. Well, I will agree, yes, there are guys that just want to get to the point, as women do too. However, if you have a surgical insecurity (even if you did want to get to the point, LOL), that may delay that. However, being confident can override that in either case. Hoodies can be great. I would agree ladies want nice guys, but some girls generally may want more. Notice my wording. However, looks do come into play. There have been studies on facial features to jawlines. Also, a study just came out that people who work out are likely to make 9% more than those who do not. Remember, first dates are kind of like interviews in a way. So looks play a role, but I agree they are not everything. Guys also look for nice women. :D... As for search, I can be found on a popular site... it's a hint, LOL.