Hi Walk,. I struggled with the question for years before I could simply accept that this is now my life. My Op was a total surprise. The worst symptoms lasted only weeks before I woke up with this thing. I had no time to prepare for my future reality... it just arrived on my doorstep. One year of college to go. Ready to start my life and boom!! No life, like a black hood dropping over my existence. I was bitter, very angry, pissed at my own body for the way it attacked me... out of the blue. I had taken good care of it, never did drugs (a joint on weekends or a few beers). I rode my bike many miles every day. I worked heavy construction every summer to pay for school, no loans. I fed my body properly and treated it with respect and this was the thanks I got...!!! It was eating my colon alive and trying to kill me... boy was I pissed!! At my own body for doing this to me... I was given Vicodin to make my J-Pouch work better... it worked very well but it took more and more of it to work for me. When I stopped that I was shitting broken glass... agony for years... why me was always on my mind. I'm not religious so I could not blame God or ask him/her for help, or ask God, why?? I was lost for a while and terrified of the future I was facing alone. Why would any woman want me?? If the tables were turned... Honestly... would I be able to handle it if the shoe were on the other foot. I had to answer honestly, probably not. Therefore I could not blame any woman if she rejected me, I would not blame her at all. I had to accept a life alone, without the love and touch of a woman. I knew nobody who had an ostomy, nobody who could relate to my feelings or frustrations. I too was broken and nothing could fix that, if I had a million dollars in my bank it would not fix this and give me my life back!! I finally simply accepted it. The feelings of loneliness come and go and my wonderful family keep me going... I found the right bags, flange, and Micropore tape to prevent leaks. I swim regularly, ride a bike when my ass allows it, use my rowing machine when my ass allows. I travel quite a bit... on the cheap I hasten to add, got family all over the US. I can travel to Europe from my native Ireland on low-cost airlines (Ryanair). I enjoy life now. I don't care anymore if someone does not like me... I am what I am!! Take it or leave it!! I swim with my shirt off, in the ocean, the pool. I get a tan with my swim trunks and no shirt. My baggy half exposed. I really don't care if someone gives me the look, disgust. Embarrassment... whatever, that's their problem, not mine!! By the way, I never get comments and almost never get a funny look... If I accidentally meet some open-minded lady, so be it, if not... I will survive and enjoy my survival... When I go back to Ireland next week I have a shitload of work to finish on my little house. Finishing my new kitchen and dining will keep me busy, just walls and insulation now. I will finish it eventually, hopefully by the end of 2016?? This is my focus now... I never ask why anymore because there is no satisfactory answer, none that will help!! As DeNiro would say... It is what it is!!!... accept it... I still miss a woman's touch but hey, I'll survive... The final straw was losing a dear online friend because she could never accept her new life, just could not cope with it and could do little to help herself. She allowed herself to succumb to the misery that this nag causes us all. She did not kill herself, in the end her surgeon's mistake accomplished that task all by himself by cutting something he should not have cut. That cut ended her fear. Her terror of and hate for the bag... As a man once said... I will not go quietly into that dark night. I'll be fighting tooth and nail. Took me years. Literally, I hope you achieve it sooner Walk. All my best wishes for your future and as a wise San Francisco politician once said... Don't let the bastards get you down. Eamon/Magoo
Past Member
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Read our tips to help you prepare for air, ground, or cruise travel with a stoma.
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Are you a caregiver for a child with an ostomy? In the summer months, this can become more challenging, thanks to heat, humidity, water activities, and travel plans.
Learn more about caring for children with an ostomy on vacation.
Learn more about caring for children with an ostomy on vacation.