I am sorry, this is really me just rambling - I need to get it all out and have no clue how to.
A few weeks ago, I decided I will be making my ileostomy permanent. I was really comfortable with this until about 2 days ago. I had a bit of a freak out, I don't feel like I have anyone to really talk about it with - as no one I personally know has a bag or really understands what I am going through.
I was 27 when I had my emergency surgery last October (just starting life really) and now with the next one lined up, I will be 29 shortly after I have the full removal. I am so tired, the last 6 years have been focused on being sick and now these 2 years where I focus on surgeries. While I watch everyone around me have babies and get married, I am worried about how my skin is doing, medication, and whether or not I will even be able to have kids once I am healed. I always thought I would have one kid before I was 30 - that doesn't look to be the case now.
What freaks me out the most with this is that most of my life, I will only know myself as having a bag - one thing my stoma nurse said really got me thinking. "You are lucky that you have a flat stomach - it makes putting your bag on so much easier and less leaks." Well, that is fine for now but what about if I get pregnant, gain weight, or when I am older - my body will be so different at that point, will I be able to handle it, will it be harder than it is now. The what-ifs just keep coming up.
I got to choose between permanent ostomy and j-pouch - I picked the ostomy because of all the research I read there is less of a chance of infertility with the ostomy.
Mostly, I think I am stressed because the wafer has been causing me issues on my skin and has been so itchy and annoying. I don't want that the rest of my life.
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