Hi Bill. In light of your theory, certain events of my life are playing through my mind with a brand new perspective. Particularly in regard to my dad. Leonard was a big bear of a guy - loved by many, loved and feared by his kids. Often compared to John Wayne in appearance, so you get the picture. Basically, the 7 of us kids were conditioned to see him as emotionally inept and unreachable, and throughout life, at times blamed our emotional problems on his handicap. But this guy took us to the library on a regular basis - encouraging us to bring home the limit and selections tougher than we thought we could handle. He was practical and a tough disciplinarian. College was encouraged and expected, but knowledge for the sake of knowledge alone was not tolerated with respect. You had to have a plan to use it. My siblings, for the most part, achieved a lot. There's a judge, West Point cadet, nurse administrator, architect, and then me and one dear sister who gets by but has emotionally suffered most of her life. We lost a brother tragically in 1970 from a brain aneurysm - he was only 19. We were lower middle class, so these achievements were thought pretty cool. My dad didn't get much credit for setting us on a steady path. Folks would say "out of adversity comes greatness". Mom's contribution was based on the premise that love is the most important thing, and she'd acknowledge her weakness (alcohol and pharmaceuticals), consistently stating and demonstrating her love. Gratefully, she achieved sobriety more than 20 years before she died. Unfortunately, dad didn't fare as well and succumbed to cirrhosis from alcohol in '95. So that's probably more than you needed to hear, but maybe not a boring story at least. I'm considering that the force of emotional control imparted by my parents - even though it was an inadequate amount and level - actually had a very helpful impact. I think recognizing this, in a way, helps build a platform for one to believe in the potential benefits of emotional control.
I have personally witnessed organized education fail miserably when dealing with brilliant students who think differently and question things in a manner not in line with the teaching method currently in style. Thank you for sharing your beautifully logical theory.
Your link to societal responsibility for the suppression of emotional control is significant as well. It's perfectly in line with what we know has always made the 'world go round' - sadly - money and power. In his book "The Mindbody Prescription," Dr. Sarno describes how the incidence of people with gastric ulcers decreased in popularity when this malady was found to be driven by stress and unconscious emotional distraction. I would say this mass statistical change demonstrates the impact of societal influences.
Thank you very much, Bill.
Thank you so much for sharing your family experiences which are not a million miles from my own. It sounds as if your parents did indeed give you a firm platform on which to work. They could not be expected to get it all right but 'love' is important and so is early discipline in its own way, as long as these things are not done from bullying but from a desire to give the children the best start in life that they can get. Different circumstances require different approaches. The concept is well captured in the lyrics of the song 'A Boy Named Sue'.
Society can be very supportive at times to certain people but it can also leave many victims in its wake. My work was with the victims so I make no apology for being somewhat biased in my theories towards helping those who have been damaged by the very things that should have helped them.
I have quite a few more mini theories I will share with you for so long as you are still inquisitive.( and patient - as I cannot always get on here every day)
Best wishes
Bill
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First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,637 members. Get inside and you will see.
It's not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed.
Many come here for advice or to give advice 🗣, others have found good friends 🤗, and there are also those who have found love 💓. Most of all, people are honest and truly care.
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Create an account and you will be amazed.
Hi Bill.
Of course! When you have time and post here, I will be grateful to read what you have to say. Your theories are very interesting, and although I don't know the details of your previous or current occupations, I definitely respect what you've shared about helping victims and certainly wish you all the best. I remember that song! Johnny Cash, I think? His music was terrific.
Andrea
Read what they had to say.
Good morning, bii. How are you? You sent me two responses. I must be missing something. I need to read it again to get it!!!!
It is now the end of the day in the UK and I have just come on the MAO site to see what messages I need to answer. None of the messages are timed so I am not aware if I am replying in real time or not. Sometimes this type of correspondence means that a reply can come days after the post that it refers to and other times it can be almost as if we are talking in a chat room.
I will try to get on here tomorrow morning GMT. to share some more theories so until them, I hope that you have a good day.
Best wishes
Bill
Hi Bill, how are you? It is 7:52 PM here. I probably sent you a few, but that's okay. You do answer. Usually, I had a doctor's appointment today. After that, I took a friend that doesn't have a vehicle to the doctor. I got home about 8:00. I left this morning at 9:99. I had to go to the bank prior to going to the doctor. I went with my husband. They said he had a blockage, but when he saw the cardiologist, he didn't. Isn't that strange how two doctors tell you different things, which is not cool? Because before you know the truth, that stress can hurt you in different ways. I'm just glad he's good. Did you miss LemonLimeViolet and myself?
Mini theories? I would say significant, not mini. Bill, your acronyms are easy and sensible. Just what an acronym should be. This one has had my mind spinning all day. In a good way, certainly, but such a new focus for the poor old girl that it's exhausting. Logically... I believe this is progress to the goal. Expenditure on thinking exhausts energy in a satisfactory manner vs emotional expenditure. But exhaustion has taken purchase. I'm so grateful for your generosity with these insights. Maybe these mental exercises will become easier with practice. I expect they will. Really, it reminds me of the first push up I tried after a year of healing incisions. Just hard! Thank you! All the best to you and yours.
It is difficult when two so called 'experts' tell your different things as it creates what is called 'cognitive dissonance'. In spite of people telling us that they can multi-task, the human brain has difficulty holding on to and processing more than one conflicting concept at a time and the result is often 'STRESS'. This is hard to place in the in the straightforward list of emotions because it is often a combination of some or all of them. However, stress and frustration can be a precursor to an emotional response or outburst so it is as well to be able to control this, in the same way that it is advisable to get control of the emotions themselves. Self-control can minimise the effects(hurt) of these things so that we can get on with our lives in a more considered and balanced way.
Of course I miss the people here when either I or they, cannot get on here for some reason.
Best wishes
Bill
Learn about the common issues and symptoms that warrant a call for assistance.
What I find, is that becoming exhausted from exercising in a 'good' way feels much more rewarding than allowing emotions to dictate your life and becoming exhausted through lack of control. A period of rest is what is prescribed for exhaustion - and then we start all over again as life doesn't stop.
The thing about theory-making, is that with something as complex as the human condition and the brain, the theories can sometimes get too complicated for ordinary folk to comprehend fully. I have tried to develop mini-theories that are simple, understandable, and based on what I believe are undeniable 'truths'. This way, people can understand them, relate to them and gradually move towards a position whereby they will fully understand the more complex stuff further down the line.
Because every individual's problems with emotions and life are different, over the years I have developed my mini-theories to suit particular aspects that need to be explained before people can effectively grasp what is amiss and start to move on. We have not touched on the mini-theories yet, but over a series of future posts, I hope to be able to introduce you to the concepts and explain the models that support them.
If we approach it slowly and methodically, hopefully you will not become too exhausted with the process and it should provide some excellent practice in simple logical thinking. Which can provide a useful 'distraction' from all those wayward emotions.
Best wishes
Bill
Edward de Bono the father of Lateral thinking, a brain training pioneer, author of six thinking hats and creative thinking expert.
His work is well worth reading for anyone who is interested in 'thinking' as a subject of study or, for those who want to increase their thinking skills.
There are also many books written on the subject of 'emotional intelligence' which, when combined with DE Bono's work, provides an excellent platform from which to launch a thinking 'career'.
Best wishes
Bill
Best wishes
Bill
Good morning, my esteemed family!!!! Have a great day and think positive, all. Angelica Marie
Best wishes
Bill
Bill, there seems to be someone editing my typing. Where it doesn't bother you, it bothers them! Where are someone, was editing my private info too. Heck, I don't need to do anything. Since they're doing my info for me.....
You are absolutely right in saying that whatever ends up as writing on the post will be acceptable to me. If someone is messing with it, then I hope they are getting something out of their efforts. What matters most is the fact that you are responding and showing that you are still interested in the subject matter. Hopefully, the editing will stop and we can continue communicating without interference. If not, then I sincerely wish that you do not give up on it.
Best wishes
Bill
Hello Angelicamarie and Bill!
This business of sequencing emotions, thinking, and action has me very occupied and distracted. I didn't just type that "ETA" sequence on purpose... but ETA is where I'm sort of "living" these past 2 days so I don't think that was accidental. Friday morning I totally bypassed the bakery shop I was supposed to stop at to pick up breakfast for a work meeting and then I drove to the wrong hospital. But the significant thing was that even though I was frazzled with each mistake, I didn't get pissed off. When I realized my mistake, it was a little shock so -wham- emotion... but then I had learned I could sequence in some thought before acting like a crazy person. And it worked. It worked great. I had a nice exchange with the counter woman at the bakery and then noticed the beautiful pattern of the clouds as the sun came up as I drove to the right place. I realized that if I hadn't made the mistakes, it would have still been too dark to see what really was a magnificent sunrise. I know that my natural reaction would have been EAT- and that would have left me feeling sheepish when all was said and done. Embarrassed of myself when I finally got around to thinking logically about the true significance of being a little late. Thank you, Bill, for sharing this with us! It's a big deal to feel more powerful in the midst of a situation than a little shameful when it's over.
Truthfully, I was really engrossed in thought about these sequencing options and that's why I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. Who cares about that though? Not I. But I think it proves I definitely need to learn how to train my brain before I wrap my car around a tree! I don't know who Edward de Bono is and I don't know what lateral thinking is, but I am certainly looking forward to finding out.
Your 10 Aims for the day are really lovely. I'm not surprised they came from observing service animals (dogs?), but I am impressed by your choice of inspiration. Very good call. Makes complete sense to me.
Angelicamarie, I am with you! I think this conversation is deep and interesting. I confess that I am intimidated by 10 daily Aims in addition to resequencing my emotions, actions, and thoughts. I don't know if my brain is strong enough, but I hope so.
Oh, and my ETA description is "Estimated Time of Arrival" ....of mental stability. It's happening more quickly.
All the best to both of you. Hope the day brings each of you an unexpected happy surprise and also good health!
Andrea
Believe it or not, I find it difficult to find the words to express my delight in knowing that you have understood and used the sequencing theory in such a practical way. I am even more delighted that you have chosen to share your experiences with us while they are still fresh in your mind. You paint a vivid picture of a very important principle. The practical application of theory is probably much easier to remember than the theory itself because while you are involved, you are teaching yourself. It is this day to day practice that will stay with you, rather than trying to remember the theory itself. Eventually, the practice of putting thinking before action will become a habit and second -nature. It is only at the beginning that we need to keep reminding ourselves of its importance.
At this stage, I don't want to pressure you by ploughing on with lots different theories, so I will stick with the sequencing for the time being and expand a little on how I think it links with other people's ideas. Hopefully this will not give you any more to try to remember, but it might be helpful in placing the sequencing theory in some sort of historical context. I'll put my thoughts in the next post so that it stands on its own in a literary sense.
Best wishes
Bill
Sorry if the sequencing concept seemed to go on a bit, but all these theories are connected with each other and get more complex as we think about them more deeply.
I decided to study 'companion animals' partly because animals and children under five years have much in common when it comes to acting on their instincts/emotions. The situation changes as the two types of animals mature and humans 'think' and 'learn' in more complex and sequential ways. Well! some of them do, whilst others learn to think but remain with their sequencing stuck in the primitive form.
For the sake of clarity,I have stated this concept as if it's an all or nothing thing, but there are many variations and some people sequence appropriately sometimes and not others.
The greater and more intense the emotional trigger, the more likely humans are likely to revert to the primitive reaction of acting (A) before they think (T).
Best wishes
Bill
Hello Bill,
After reading your analyses and concepts, it takes me a while to organize my thoughts. After my first go-around, the wheels are spinning like mad, and the only response I can muster is an inadequate "thanks!" So hopefully, after a third and fourth dissection of the information you write about... I have something to contribute here.
I agree with your assessment that in today's society, the pursuit of relationships is the most 'needy' of our instincts/emotions and attracts a significantly heavily weighted portion of our attention. I appreciate that you shared your explanation of the historical foundation for this because it seals this concept as logical to me and therefore easier to move forward.
After some success working to sequence actions after thoughts, I had a bit of a problem yesterday and became overwhelmed and "acted" on a frustration even in the midst of beseeching my mind to find a logical response! This resulted in publicly scolding my husband in one of those giant warehouse stores (which I hate even being in..) but it was my idea to go, and the issue was so insignificant that it was ludicrous.
So I thank you for mentioning the risk of reverting to primitive reactions when the emotional trigger is more intense. In my case yesterday, however, the emotional trigger did not appear to be intense. But I bet I'm not identifying the 'trigger' correctly.
Late last week, I received horrible news that the 28-year-old daughter of one of my oldest and dearest friends was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. She has a 6-month-old son. Now THAT was an enormously intense emotional trigger (I would think). And it hit like a punch in the gut. But I was able to tap into a thought process before acting wildly emotional. That was my first success with ETA, and it got me through a number of conversations with others using empathy, respect, and sincerity.
So maybe the 'trigger' is the risk of abandonment? If one perceives (I'm not sure if this is the correct word you intended) that a "fix" isn't at hand, then the intensity of the relationship bears on the ETA equation? Seems likely; otherwise, why would a tiny difference of opinion with a close family member cause an inappropriate sequencing of 'action' when a huge and serious event for someone I also deeply love was able to be analyzed more reasonably? Ah. I don't think it's the actual person. It must be what we risk losing if the relationship is lost? Or FEAR losing!
This brings to mind (what I consider to be one of the scariest emotions) - Jealousy. I don't even like thinking about that. Best not to sweep it under the rug though.
I promised myself I wouldn't ask questions because your methods of imparting your concepts are well planned and very effective for me. But there it is. It's almost uncanny how you have technically answered my questions before I ask them.
The warehouse incident led to a good discussion, by the way. One that I wouldn't have known to pursue without having the EAT concepts at my disposal. So it ended much better than it otherwise would have.
All the best to you and yours. I'm so very thankful to you for your time and generosity.
Andrea
Hello Lemonlimeviolet, I looked to see what you wrote me but couldn't find it. How are you?
Hi Angelicamarie! I bet you get a notice when I write on this blog, so I should have said hi to you too. Thank you so much for asking how I am. I'm doing well and better, and I have you and Bill to thank. It's really great to have new strategies for coping with my emotions. How are you? I read your comments and really appreciate your kindness. It shines right through. I hope you are feeling well and finding that Bill's explanations and theories for emotional control and stability are helpful in your life too. God bless you and have a great day today!
Me and you are always talking with Bill. That is so kind of you to say I have uplifted you, it costs nothing to be kind!!!!
Thank you for your posts. It is a bit unsettling when I seem to be replying to Andrea more so than you. However, as you have not mentioned whether the subject of uncontrolled emotions is relevant to you, it did not seem appropriate to address those posts to you as well. Let's hope that you may read them and get something from them, whether or not you have experienced problems in these areas.
Because this is a subject in which I have a certain amount of expertise, I do tend to waffle on a bit. but, as long as it is of interest to somebody, I'll keep posting.
Best wishes
Bill
Bill, I wish you a great day on the 15th of November. Keep writing, my friend. It's appreciated!!!!! Angelica
I did manage to have a look at the picture the right way up by copying it into a different programme and turning it around. You look great in it now the blood is not all rushing to your head!
You have a good day too and of course I will keep writing as long as it is appreciated. (Thanks for letting me know!)
Best wishes
Bill