Well,Ā IĀ hit the two year mark. I went back and read my posts from when I first found this site. I was very fortunate in that I stumbled upon it only 4 weeks post op. I have said many times that this community really saved me. The first 2 weeks after my surgery I shut down completely. It wasn't until about the 3rd week that my son came in to my room, flicked on the light and told me I was going to have to get back to living because I was scaring him. I had fallen into such a depression.Ā HeĀ ticked me off,Ā but it also made me stop and think- what was I going to do? Feel sorry for myself and sulk, or be grateful I was alive.Ā
I've re-read my journals from that time and it was after my son kicked my butt, so to speak, I took an honest inventory and had to dig deeper than I've ever had to. I mean, I had survived a pretty nasty divorce, after a pretty crappy marriage and that was tough. But this was different. I felt like I was now a handicapped person who would be limited in their life and be looked at as a freak. My mental state was precarious, at best.Ā
But then I found this site. I just lurked a bit before posting. I read so many of the other stories and I started to see just how full my life can be, I was not handicapped,Ā and certainly not a freak! The stories of survival, the sense of humor, the support and compassion was inspiring.Ā It was then I made myself get out of the dark, and get my sh*t together.Ā Ā
Not all rainbows and sunshine at first, hardly! But with grace from myself - to myself, and the kindness and willingness of the folks here to be supportive, non judgemental and openly share intimate details about their life circumstances,Ā l not only survived but thrived.Ā
I think of all the years I had suffered with such extreme pain, barely functioning,Ā and the many hospital stays and how that is all behind me now.Ā (All fingers, toes, and legs crossed that I never have to go near a hospital for myself ever again. I think I'd rather have a fork stuck in my eye. I loathe every about them.)Ā Ā
So, to everyone who has been a part of this journey with me, to say thank you is not enough. I'm forever grateful to know you all.Ā My Angels, each one of you.Ā
Ā And as the Grateful Dead famously said,
"what a long strange trip it's been!"
Im so happy I'm tripping with you all.