Dating Online with a Stoma: My Experience and Insights

Warrior, I have to say she sounds a little exhausting to me, but maybe some people like that... And I can see why you are charming her, you're that kind of guy. Keep us posted! ;)

Hi. Well, since my original post, I thought 12 years younger. However, it is 8, which isn't so bad.

So, need to call into account maturity age, which as I get to know her, she is solid, smart, and above me. She is quite articulate.

Too. Experienced. Has teen children-2.

I love your words, Warrior, and how you provide a definition (lol). You sure you're in a pond? Could be a swamp (lol)… Hugs!

8 years younger than I... but judging by the way she talks, I'm gonna need a medical alert... and not because of falling down 😆... flatlining... 😵 from the boom boom room. 😋

How do you define a "significant" age gap?

Harrison Ford type of gap? Ally McBeal?

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones?

I can't believe I even remember their names. But there we can start...

🎼🎵🎶 Swamp thing.. you make my ostomy sing..... you make everything groovy 🎵🎼. (insert stoma fart, bag burp, stomach gurgles)

True that? Dunno 🤷‍♂️. Film at eleven.

Well, it's more than an 8-year difference 🤐 and I definitely wouldn't rush into the boom boom room on the first date. That usually doesn't end very well if you're looking for a long-term relationship. BUT hey, you're grown, do as you please.....

We decided to meet, cuz I was in heat!

I arrived at 8. She said I looked great.

She smiled & got near. I felt visceral fear.

Bedspread was red. I was hot in my head.

She said boom! I said doom!

She lifted her blouse! I ran from the house!

yes.. i agree abt the boom boom room spoiling any chance of an LTR.. Fact. but  if shes looking for a " quickie"..i may direct her to the local Quik Check down road. have her suck on that. 😆😆. its all in the delivery and timing of that come- back. 

i didn't want to appear nosy on your age gap. sorry if it came across that way...  wasn't the intention..

this fish and i might not be on same page though..  just might be fun getting to it..or play the friend card..i don't know anyone locally here  for two years.  these other "possibilities" are over 60 miles away.   

have u seen that movie "friends with benefits??" 

believe it or not, the profiles i see from the dating site explicitly say

" not looking for FWB."  or

ONS- one night stands.

need a frickin interpretor these days.  . 

 

  

60 miles is nothing. I flew nearly 800 miles to my 🌸, grabbed a U-Haul trailer, drove 800 miles back, and moved her in all within about 30 hours. We never met in person until my plane landed. Take the chances; life is too short, and you don't want to leave any questions unanswered.

You gotta be the glass-is-half-full type and see the advantages here. Two teen children… someone to mow the yard, tax write-offs, knowledge of what to buy her for Christmas or birthdays. This could be the diamond in the rough for you. Better start doing cardio, you're gonna need it. 😁

No kidding? You never even met her before the plane landed? Holy shitz, Alex.

But I sincerely think the conversations prior to that flight, you had already agreed or knew she was the one and she was gonna be your "plus one" forever and copilot on the way back. Beep beep.

Job well done.

 

Ooohhh beach boy... you're gonna get spanked... and somehow I think you are gonna like it... 😈

Yeah, I agree, Alex, about the diamond in the rough.

But well... no buts. I'll try to think positively here. You have enlightened me.

Regarding the glass being half full? I never really quite understood that. 🤔 My response is my glass is (like my appliance) half full, cracked, and leaking. So this is my deal.

Now, speaking about omens... ha ha... this around Christmas time, the family got together actually the Friday before, and two days later, my sister and niece came down with COVID. Yeah, COVID. LOL. So I'm talking to the fish just last night, in fact. She said she's not feeling well. Now, we haven't met, don't get me wrong, but she said she's got chills. And then, like the conversation progressed last night, she tells me her mother called. Her mother has COVID, and I'm like, wow, you know, our date was supposed to be last week Wednesday, and considering the fact that my two relatives got it and now she got COVID, I'm glad we didn't meet that Wednesday after Christmas. So there is that. Can you see this? Bullet dodged?

Yeah... cardio... good advice.

Ahh, afterthought now BB... she's the one in heat, not me. And if anybody's going to be lifting their shirts and running, it's going to be me lifting my shirt and her running. "What the funk is that?"

🐢🤷‍♂️🛸

We did converse a lot before I flew there. All it takes is looking into a woman's eyes to know if it's right or not. So, don't short yourself the chance. Meet her, take her out, look into her eyes, and then either 1) run like hell or 2) take her by the hand and say… let's see where this leads. If you don't take the chance, you will always think back and say… I wonder if that would have worked out. Don't short yourself knowing for sure.

Well put, Alex...

Yeah, you know the interesting part that you mentioned about looking into her eyes?

I say it's interesting because I'm not sure if you remember, I'm completely deaf. So looking into her eyes, into her face, looking at her facial expressions and whatnot speaks volumes to me.

And it's just one little obstacle next to the ostomy, which at this point in time I don't even think is a problem... yet. She does not know about THAT.

Which is the whole point of the thread, the title, the topic. As I pointed out, having an ostomy and dating doesn't matter, but now throwing in a little deafness, you would think it's time to bail, but no, it doesn't bother her.

And of the women that I have dated in the past, or rather met, it didn't bother them.

👀 Eye contact seals the deal for some...

So I have what's called a one-two punch. The first thing is the deafness issue, and the second thing is the ostomy. Stay tuned.

She and I have been chatting, or rather texting, quite a bit and getting to know each other, and who knows?

It's definitely something I'm going to pursue now. I don't see any quick checks... yet. 👍😋

If she knows about your ostomy and your deafness and is still interested in meeting/getting to know you, the ball is in your court. You can either pick it up and start dribbling or watch it roll out of bounds. The rest of the game is your choice. Time to pull your socks up and get in the game. 👍

I work with a deaf machinist. He expertly reads lips. He talks okay, but is hard to understand with sustained conversation. He's about 30. His biggest complaint is lack of female companionship.

Another machinist has a 4-year-old son who is deaf. The family is going to have cochlear implants given to the boy.

The older deaf machinist is completely against implants. He says everyone should learn sign language.

It's an interesting dynamic. The one guy wants his son to develop speaking/hearing as much as possible. The older guy is upset about lack of female companionship.

Ahh ahhh... no, Alex... no ostomy mentions while I work my charms. 😈

Love the basketball analogy. I get your meaning there... former high school hoopster.

You see, dear brother, in osty land it's best kept secret... my thought, my role.

My experience... 2 years, dude... my business until we seal the deal.

Again, this thread is about a real fact of osty life: a guy taking swings in a dark place. Being on this site for one... speaking out about date life osty style... being deaf. Unfortunately... strike one??? (Not applicable at all)... is the osty strike two? Stay tuned... and now we turn to baseball...

It's safe to say I'm at bat, pointing to the bleachers.

And here comes the fish 🐠... I mean pitch... ⚾. She and I loaded 😵... 🥂🍺🍸🍷

Since you brought baseball into it... Reggie Jackson struck out 2,597 times, but he kept going up to the plate. 😉 You can't find/hit the home run without getting up to the plate and swinging.

Waves to BB. 🖖 Love the new photo! Tom Hanks in "Big" comes to mind. So funny. Kid wishes he was "Big." I'd wish for my hearing.

Yes, dynamic. Very good call. Great topic.

You have first-hand knowledge between these two co-workers. I believe you are a machinist well in years of that career. These two men, in a discussion, will be heated when discussing a C.I. Best advice to you is to stay neutral; otherwise, you may end up with a "tap" (tool) in your butt. 😆

I have a C.I. - cochlear implant in one ear. I was a "hearie," born hearing. IBD at age 25 robbed me of all hearing then. Well, inflammation from it if you want to split hairs.

Therefore, I am not Deaf, but deaf later in life as it is written.

Did you catch the capital D? NOUN, a person from a culture. Therefore, that 30-year-old is a Deaf machinist.

The other man's son is deaf, small d. Think of it as a verb. Assuming his parents are both hearing.

Fact: Often hearing parents will have a deaf baby once in a blue moon. Non-genetic, no gene for it, or a great-great-great-grandparent was deaf.

Fact: Deaf parents will likely have a hearing baby and a deaf one.

The former being Deaf parents above - a mixed blessing. The latter a wet dream.

Yeah, it's like that. Dynamic.

Political correctness too. And believe me, as sincere a witness to multi-cultures, hearing and Deaf, and late-deaf, hard of hearing, a lot of people need education and open minds on these subjects.

Deaf 30-year-old above, like many in his culture, despise C.I.'s, thinking their culture is doomed, disappearing, like cheap gasoline. Gone, baby. I get that. Strong Deaf values he has. Likely his parents are Deaf? That's where he got it from, being raised that way. Lucky him, he can speak, has a voice.

The father, his deaf son, 4 years old, wants or expects a better life. The C.I. will guarantee that. Different schooling will make a huge impact on him.

No judgments here. The ability to hear is better than no hearing, hands down. Safer too.

My C.I. gives me awareness, not identification of sounds. It is not my hearing aid; it's my awareness aid. I remember what sounds I knew at age 25. Those same sounds today are not the same for me.

I often explain using Peanuts and Charlie Brown as a back story. That teacher in the classroom? Waa waa wa waa waa, right? Only the students understood. We did not.

Story of my life.

Successful implants, like reversals, have pros and cons.

More successful implantees can rule both cultures. You have oral deafies, non-signers, voice.

You also have true culture ASL signers, no voice.

I. King Jordan, pictured in my profile, was president of an all-deaf college.

Gallaudet in Washington, D.C.

He was late-deaf. The mostly all-cultured Deaf students loved this guy so much. Upon his leaving and a hearing replacement president caused an uproar. Google it. Fact.

I'd like THAT on my resume.

Will you ever see a Deaf teacher teaching class other than sign language?

A pilot flying a plane?

The C.I. candidate will answer.

Definitely. 👍

Well put, Alex... agreed. Indeed... plant your seed, baby... 😵🤔🥰🤷‍♂️🕺🕺

How many ostomy guys or girls would even consider at bat... or take a swing...?? Now, after our discussion, I hope it helped... viewers and members, speak up... it's real. No B.S. here.

I have seen on this MOA site... people giving up on dating because of B.S. stoma excuses... psst. Post your picture!!!

Tick tock, people. 🕛🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕖🕗🕘🕙

Never... ever give up. Point to them bleachers and hit that ball.

Yeah... can't understand being on a quasi dating-info site and having an animal posted as your profile picture... "interested in dating."

Just makes me wanna go out in front of the NYC city bus.

So bro... Alex... you are officially off the market? Finding your better half?

Happy for ya, dude. It ain't easy...

As Ringo Starr had sung it...

"🎵 You know it just ain't easy..."

You know it don't come easy... 🎶.

Lol. Yep, I'm off the market. What's wrong with Scrappy-Doo? Everyone loves dogs. 🤷‍♂️

You realize... you are leaving... a trail... of broken hearts... followers... females... on this site...

There's a million fish in the sea, like your thread started out, all anyone has to do is try, keep fishing, and eventually that one person will be found and each and every person on here can get out of the sea. I read on here all the time about people trying to find their soulmate. What it really comes down to is for each person to take the chance on themselves, which most are not truly willing to do. Most sit back and blame their ostomy or whatever health issue they have for the reason they can't find anyone when it's really the lack of self-confidence people have in themselves and their health is really no issue (like the lady that you're talking to has no issue) but it's easy to use that as an excuse to stay “comfortable” in what a person knows. Not a single person can ever move forward without taking a step. If you don't take a step forward, you'll always be where you're at.

Excellent reply, Alex!!

You know what you're talking about! And you are correct... there are "plenty of fish" out there, male and female, and it's just a question of taking the first step and whether or not you accept the consequences of that first step and follow up like I did, reluctantly. 😔

People are thinking this MOA website is a dating site... the first step would be to put a decent picture of yourself out there, something clear, something that doesn't look like it belongs on a milk carton. I've seen some god-awful photos too, and I'm really concerned when people start putting pictures of their cats, dogs, animals, reptiles, saying they're interested in a relationship. Really??? Surely you jest!!

I don't want to take her cat or the dog out, but I mean this one person put a picture of an alligator and I'm sorry, what is your intention here??

And of course, you have the ladies with their breast shots and you have your men, well, with other parts of their anatomy exposed. Not on this site but close to it.

I just don't get it??!! 🙇🙇

You got to make the first step. You got to make the investment.

Now you know that fish that I've been making arrangements with?

She lives in the same town and I got to tell you how things are moving along pretty quickly.

Unfortunately, she has COVID. We actually met on a different dating site and she was the one who sent the heart and commented on my profile and PICTURE!!

I just said okay, well, she's the only one biting. I went for it and of course, you know the rest because it's in the thread above. Anyway, things are looking good. We're texting constantly and she's well aware of the deaf issue but again I want to stress... this could go sideways once she does find out about the stoma, the bag. So she does not know and probably will not until the time actually calls for it, but then again by that time... well... I pretty much got her hooked... just using my charms ☺️ and a very, very good profile picture 😇.

You know... One thing that I do know for sure and was scared of is when Nate actually saw my bag... not even my stoma, if he would stay or not. There is a person on here that knows who they are, ahhh hmmm (Alex T), that said if he really cared about me, he wouldn't care about my ostomy. Nate was active duty, and unfortunately, 4 months after I got sick, he was deployed, and because it happened right at the start of COVID, he didn't get to see me for a long time in person. The first night he saw it, I was really scared. Not only did I lose 130 lbs, which he did see in video chats, but I came home with a full midline scar 2 inches wide completely up and all the way down the middle of my stomach along with 10 JP drain scars (now 12)... And all he did was look and say, "You're still beautiful, and I love you." Not even a reaction on his face that said, "Eww, I love you, but that's nasty." Even the first time he saw me get out of the shower before a bag change, which really freaked me out, he just said, "Oh really, it's that green, hmmm." So as hard as it is, if someone can't accept you no matter who they are, then @#$% them. They don't deserve you or your time! It's not like any one of us woke up one day and said, "Yep, I think I wanna poop or pee outta a bag possibly for the rest of my life." (Unless you already knew you were having surgery to save your life and were somewhat prepared... I wasn't. I just woke up from surgery and freaked out.) But you get the point... It doesn't change who you are as a person. Sure, you're scared of what others will think, but we all know once it becomes your normal, most of the time we don't think about it anymore. It's just a part of us and for most, it saved us from dying!!!

Good morning!!

Rosebud... Happy New Year's Eve!!

Thank you so much for sharing an incredible story. I'm sure it wasn't easy; it's never easy opening up on an open forum like this, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Thank you!!

You never know who will reply or what they're thinking until they actually do something and start getting a connection, "getting it"...

You are an inspiration. And Nate? By chance, does he have a sister? Cousin? Female? 60-ish? ☺️

I'm so happy that you shared. Where are others? Talk, open up, it's good therapy!!

I hope others can actually "get it" through their thick, stubborn skulls that this is it!!! This is the life that we have, and it's really up to that other person and you to decide what's next. And like you said, what you were expecting Nate to react to it was all anxiety and fear that led you to that thinking, and it's very good that you have this communication thing going on. That's another thing, but people nowadays want that trophy wife or that incredible-looking husband, and they're so hooked on looks that they're shallow. And that is because some of us have been brainwashed or trained into thinking this makes a good, healthy relationship.

Between good-looking people and forever love, forever happiness by being good-looking, I just use that loosely here. What I was trying to say is in regards to that trophy wife or the trophy husband, the outside is more important than the inside training thought. Bull... sheet..🤭

At this point in our lives, when we are older, wiser, we have a keen sense of reality. What matters most to me is attitude. We are still a person, a human being; we have wants and desires just like anybody else.

A bag, a stoma, 2 bags or 3, battle scars, shouldn't matter. It should not be part of that equation, but again, so many people suffer "hang up" fear. So much energy wasted thinking like that and lack of confidence, they just can't get over that emotion, and it's for those people I feel for because we're all at that point early in this journey and presently know our shit.

The question is, how long is it going to take for you (them) to wake up and smell the rosebuds?? ☺️

Get back in the game, people.

A very important update in regards to having a current clear photo for your profile because I just got busted on mine and as the new year begins to start soon it would appear I'm still single. Apparently, good looks and charms weren't enough. I got schooled big time. No regrets. Lesson learned.

Back to fishing. And I am updating my profile pic on that dating site.

And by the way, the stoma bag was never mentioned all this time. The photo, profile pics sealed my fate. Suck on that? You bet I am.

Ouch. 🥺💩😖