Cancer has been a very unfriendly thing in my life lately, and it's come back a couple of times. On March 7, I had surgery because cancer had spread to my vagina and a tumor attached to my pelvic wall. I had surgery to remove 2 to 2 1/2 inches of my vagina, remove the tumors, and get cancer off the wall of my pelvic area. And as we all know, just because we have one more thing done doesn't mean that the cancer word isn't done with us. So, I went into surgery without a prolapsed growth on my stoma, only to have a prolapsed growth on my stoma when I got out of surgery. As all good patients, we go to follow-up visits. I went to my follow-up visit, and my surgeon looked at that prolapsed growth and me with numbing stuff and proceeded to cut the growth out of my stoma as I was in his office and gave me stitches. He also sent a growth for biopsy and, of course, that word beginning with C, cancer, came up again. My growth was cancerous. I thank God it was in my stoma area and not my vagina area. I don't know how much more I can take of the doctors taking cancer out of me. I like to think I'm a strong woman, but you know what? I'm not, and I've been out of the hospital not even 24 hours and now I have vaginal bleeding. You know, I don't have hardly any female parts left. I have part of my vagina, and I don't know where the blood is coming from, so I'm just venting out here. I don't want to be an emotional wreck, but I am. Too much shit to live for. Can't take it anymore. Take a deep breath, wash my face, and take a nap. I cherish everyone I'm hearing from, and I hope that you're doing better than I am. Hugs, you are my friend.
Dear itsme, Lord have mercy on you. You really have been through so much. My heart goes out to you. Praying for you, dear. Please get back to the doctor and see what is causing the bleeding. Stay in touch.
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Angelica- As usual, you've written another interesting post. February 5th, 2019, was my reversal surgery after having an ileo for 6 months. I'm one of those fortunate success stories. Of course, things are different now, and I still have to be careful about what and how much I eat, as I don't have a colon. At first, I was afraid to leave the house. My biggest fear was having to use a public bathroom and have the toilet not flush! Even now, when I know that I'll be in someone else's home, I won't eat anything beforehand. I read other people's stories and sometimes feel guilty for having had it so easy, not to mention that I have a significant other who is 100 percent supportive. I've gotten so much out of this website and truly feel for those of you who have it so much worse than I. But I feel it necessary to let folks hear about the success stories.
I am so sorry you're going through all of this.
But in the words of Winnie the Pooh...
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
You are strong - you're a Warrior! Think of all you've already overcome!
I'll keep you in my prayers!
Kim
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Hi it's me.
You have the nap and then get that bleeding sorted. I'm rooting for you kick ass and the Dr lol 🤣 😂 xx ❤️
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We need grandbaby back for you to hold stat. What does your local support system look like right now? I'm so sorry these are the cards you're being dealt right now. I know it sucks... throw in some expletives... and then some more. You are incredibly brave to be able to share what you're going through in the midst of it. I hope you know you're not alone and I'm sure many of us wish we were closer to be of tangible help. If you need me to call any of your doctors, I'll be your patient advocate. 😉 Are you able to rest comfortably?
I'm so sorry to hear this. I would maybe go back to the hospital to the emergency room for that bleeding. Stay strong. Keep faith that God's going to heal you.
Praying for you 🙏
Take care of yourself and rest when you need it. We are here for you ❤️
Very sad to hear about your struggle. I've been to the point of saying, "I cannot take it anymore." And yet, through the grace of God, I survived. Even though, many days, I figured my time was up. Hopefully, you can get to the emergency room about the bleeding. Like others have said, "We are stronger than we know."
In my darkest moments, when pain was just smashing me, I was comforted by this:
Psalm 18:6,16
In my distress, I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.
From his temple, he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters.
Sometimes no matter how strong we are, we need help. While in the hospital, I had a week where every day I got bad news and each day's news was worse than the previous day's news. I told my wife I didn't think I was going to make it, but she wouldn't let me give up hope. My nerves were shot, and I would have bouts of weeping during conversations — I became emotional when discussing my health and even non-health-related subjects. One of my doctors suggested that I talk with the hospital psychiatrist. I didn't really believe in psychiatrists/psychologists, but I agreed to an appointment. He helped me to understand that to endure so much pain and suffering would cause most people to become depressed. In addition to his counseling, he suggested that I let him prescribe to me an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. I told him I did not want to start taking something that I may never be able to get off of or have a long weaning-off period. He said he could prescribe Cymbalta because it has no weaning-off period and I could stop it when I wanted. The Cymbalta allowed me to hold normal conversations again without emotional outbursts. IM58, you have been through a lot, and I think you can benefit from counseling and/or antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication.
Hello, it's me,
I don't know what to say here other than just keep chipping away at it. You have places to go, things to see, and people who need you. Most here have had dark thoughts, but the will to continue always seems to break through, and you will too.
I hope you get all you wish for.
Axl
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I had the same. During my long hospital adventure, I couldn't talk with anyone about my condition; I was too emotionally fragile. Months afterward, I thought I was better until I got a few words out and couldn't continue. I'm now at 15 months post-op. I cope by avoiding getting into too much detail when asked about my stoma.
Oh hon I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I will be praying for you to have the best possible outcome!! I understand how you feel, I cried so much in the hospital and I am not one to have bouts of crying. I was embarrassed, but I couldn't help it because I didn't think I was coming out of the hospital. Even now, whenever I have a cancer surveillance test etc. I think to myself that I cannot take one more thing....so you are not alone in how you feel. But you are stronger than you know. My thoughts will be with you!
Update: Surgery scheduled for May 9th, stoma revision. On some really strong antibiotics, I feel really good. I just had a meltdown the other day. Thank God cancer didn't reappear inside; it was on my stoma. Time to kick cancer in the stoma! Thank you all for your prayers and words. Hugs, Linda
We will all send good vibes your way and hope you get some good breaks for a change. Do you have family to help you, or close friends? If not, we are here for you. Regards, IGGIE
I have a great family and neighbor support. In fact, my neighbor Charlotte has been spending the night at my house with me, and she's just been a blessing, just as well as everybody here. Thank you so much. I come here for comfort because I know there's somebody in here that knows what I'm going through, and I treasure all of your hugs, Linda.