That was then, this is now....

I just had a bunch of old tapes put on a thumb drive. I had no idea what was on there. It's a blast to see loved ones who've passed on and to see my much younger family. Aside from having enough hair to cover a hundred heads, I saw how I used to dress, which is nothing like the way I do now. I used to wear baggier pants, like Annie Hall, and tight tops since I had flat abs and no expanding ostomy bag. My mom used to refer to time in her life as "before or after this medical situation happened," and it bothered me because it seemed so negative. I notice that I at least think like this, referring to my life before UC and after; I try not to say it out loud, though. The videos I'm seeing are bringing me back to a time when I felt great and pooped on the toilet like typical people. I know I can't change things that have happened, and it's all part of my life story, but, damn, I miss dressing how I want and the ease with which that came.

I've recently fallen into the habit of saying "before the cancer" and "after the cancer." I don't see it as a negative thing, though. I feel like a totally different person now, and this acknowledges the source of the change.

Thinking about it now, it also sort of celebrates surviving cancer and projects the positive hope that I really am done with it. (My next screening colonoscopy is next week, so we'll see!)

I love this post, and it's particularly timely for me! I got my surgery less than a week ago and have been reflecting on getting to know and love the most current version of my body.

Between puberty, childbirth, weight gain and loss, a "hawt grrl summer" to remember, a violent cancer battle, multiple pelvic surgeries (horizontal and vertical scars ... X marks the spot? 😉 I joke my abdomen is like a treasure map 🗺️) - I've had to reconcile my sense of self with my external packaging over and over.

Your post highlights the poignancy of it, of the passage of time, of a "before and after," and of the feelings associated with it all. You wrote it beautifully.

I do get that, Susan. I'm proud of what I've gone through, too. We are who we are because of it.

Getting Support in the Ostomy Community with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

My surgery was so long ago, when I was 21 years old in 1964, that whatever pre-dated my illness just seems as if I read it in a book.

What a beautiful, thoughtful post. I'm only 5 months post-op and find myself saying "before surgery" and "after surgery." I realize that there isn't a different me before and after. I'm the same person with just some minor modifications, LOL. I can tell by all of your posts I've read that you are a wonderful, caring, strong woman. It's okay to miss the way things used to be, though.

Good luck for the screening next week, Sue .....

Let us know the outcome once the follow-up to it is received.

Hug

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ J ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sometimes living in the past stops you from thriving in the future. Fond memories, but big and good times are ahead.

IGGIE

Gotta love nostalgia! It's not time that heals wounds; it's what changes over time.

I've been digitizing a shoebox full of Super 8 films, mostly from the '70s. I should have been digitizing VHS tapes a while ago. Now they have gotten sketchy.

I've never been much of a fashionista, so my wardrobe hasn't changed much; the waistband is just a little higher. Ha!

I do think about my life, and maybe it's just age, but I look at old pictures and think of how wonderfully naive I was. Youth has a way of protecting us, doesn't it? While I would not wish my journey on anyone, I've landed in a place where I am confident and proud of the life I've created.

And Eefyig, I have admired you and your strength since I've been a member of this club. Thank you for reminding us that indeed time stops for nobody, and we have to adapt and move forward.