Struggling with Pain and Depression Tonight

I'm having a bad night. Pain and depression took a shower and new bag and all. But. This sucks!

Hello lrjosh. Sorry to hear about your bad night. Depression often accompanies pain becuase that is sometimes the most appropriate emotion for the circumstances and situation. However, if you consider depression to be a 'pain in the mind', what is happening is that your physical pain is affecting your mental state adversely. Many of the pain-management techniques available are in fact mental-state management techniques where you are encouraged to take control of how you 'feel' about the physical pain. For some people this is a great help and can actually reduce the physical pain.

I agree with you entirely that 'it sucks!', but some of the effects depend on how you suck it.

You don't mention what the pain is. Have you consulted you doctor? Everything (including and especially pain) gets exaggerated at night. Is your pain better during the daytime? If so, then you might consider getting help to assist in you sleeping through the night rather than getting up to distract yourself from it.

I have worked hard to become more pain tolerant and it does work to some extent for me. However, that doesn't mean that all the pain has gone away, it just means that I tend to cope with it better than I used to.

I don't know if my comments will help but I'm sure that you are not alone in how you feel. People on this site are not strangers to the pain and depresson you speak of and I'm sure some of them have found different ways of dealing with it, so I hope you get lots more replies 

Best wishes

Bill

I hurt after my tumor removal, I hurt after my bladder removal, I hurt when I was opened up again for big hernia repair. I also got depressed with the cards I'd been dealt.. "Why Me"? But hey!!, why not me, I smoked, drank for England, led a strange transient life for years complete with loud music, strange women??

Yes, it hurt but I also knew that soon it would go away... Many times I put my positive head on, large Vodka, Cigar, sunset in my little garden with my headphones on....

.....Also a fast run in the Jaguar does wonders (without the alcohol!!)....

A busy mind also helps... How much is that car?? Bathroom needs a coat of paint, where shall we go for a short vacation, grandson's off to Uni, how can I help... how the heck did she get into those jeans?? etc

There are a lot of people in this world in a worse situation than me.... I'm alive -- I'm Lucky!

Hi Irjosh, I read your post, wanted to respond and give you some words of encouragement. This life is different from the previous one. Some of us are fortunate to be reversed after things heal and some of us, like myself, are permanent ostomates. It takes some getting used to and some days, especially in the very beginning, were dark and sad for me. Like Vulcan said, I am happy to be here. Without my ostomy, I would have died. I was very sick. UC was out of control, I was bleeding and severely anemic. I had very few options....meds were not working, my body was falling apart, and surgery was my only hope. I love my stoma because it gave me more time to be with the ones that I love and with others that are just okay...LOL. Not to sound silly, but I learned to feel my feelings, cry, laugh, scream, carry on, etc. Once I moved through the cycle of emotions, I felt better. It took some time as it did not happen overnight. Once I made it through my first year as an ostomate, I felt more confident that the next would be better. Funny, my next year I ended up sick again, with other things, and it took another year to control the UC/inflammation. UC is the gift that keeps on giving even when the colon is gone. Such is life in the fast lane. I take it one day at a time and do my very best to capture the moment. Carpe Diem. Take care and positive thoughts to you. Keep posting, the people on this site are a beautiful support. I am blessed for the gift of Meet An Ostomate. Sincerely, LadyHope

Hi lrjosh...I agree with the other comments...it is scary and sad in the beginning...sometimes even now and I have had my permanent bag (colorectal cancer) since October 2014. Something that helped me was something that I read in your very own words this morning..."took a shower and put on a new bag". Yes...that's a different life now but it's life...and it will get better..and remember that some people cannot even take a shower and go out the door and breathe the air...I know its hard...as the others said it's a "new normal" but it's manageable...of course some days it sucks but you have to say goodbye to your old ways of doing things and you will adjust..the fact that you're on this site reaching out for help and positive ideas tells me that! Keep that up...keep looking for positive words and ways to learn how to love your life again!

I totally understand the emotions that are directly connected to this new way of life. Colorectal cancer led to surgery this past April. Permanent ostomy. I knew that this was going to be the result, but I didn't expect it to have such physical and emotional complications. I am pushing forward regardless of where I am mentally. I go out every day to explore my new way of life. Yesterday was a very difficult day. I won't get into it right now. It gets better. I am hoping that it gets better.

Hello Bettyjoe.

Keep at it and maintain a positive attitude and it will get better.

Best wishes

Bill

I am crying. Thank you so much. I'm reading. I. Wow

I got it under control. All is cool for now. Drinking. Not cool. But? Trying. ? Well. Another deal.

I don't know what to do. Or feel or say

I just read all your comments and you guys are all great. I can't believe how much I'm crying. Pathetic

Thank you

Had a few good cries, wept myself over the last 9 years... Always feel better after... It's a bit of an emotional safety valve....

It's probably best not to do it in front of all the lads in the pub!!!!!

It's okay to cry...it's even good sometimes...remember it's all part of the process. You have to say goodbye to the old life before you can say hello to the new. By nature, we are survivors and you will learn to navigate through...before you know it, you will be helping someone else on here do the same thing!

I agree with you, BettyJoe...the emotions can be overwhelming at times. I also accepted it early on, in that I knew what was going to happen, but that doesn't mean that you're prepared for "day in, day out" life with a bag of your own poop hanging off your stomach! Sometimes I look at myself and think, "Okay, I'm tired of dealing with this. Let's go back to the old life now," but then I remember this is it...this is my life now, and without this bag, I can't live. So then I begin to be grateful again! I have a friend (that I met here) who tells me all the time that soon I will be helping other people deal with it...maybe in just a positive word or encouragement...maybe a good idea that makes managing it easier...and he's right...that's how it works, and you will be doing that too...if you haven't already!

Thank you everyone again. I'm just hurting a lot around my whole tummy. Right back too. Wondering if I should go to the hospital. Don't wanna go, I know they'll keep me.

Well, you have to do what you have to do. If you're hurting, then maybe you need them to take a look. I will say a prayer that you feel better soon!

That was supposed to be a smile at the end of my message, but sometimes my emojis look like secret codes on here! Keep us posted on how you're doing, lrjosh!

When in doubt, the hospital is always a good idea. They can get a better look at what is going on. You shouldn't be in pain if everything is healed. Maybe you ate something that your body is having a hard time digesting. Blockages are painful, and until you are familiar with what is going on and how you can help unblock your colon, you should seek advice from the hospital.

I fully believe in a food diary. It isn't easy to remember what you ate each meal day after day, and if you don't know, then how can you prevent yourself from the same problem.

Seek medical help if you are still in pain.

I too will say a prayer for you.

We all have the same encouraging words and thoughts for you, I just wanted to add this. I'm sure deep within you realize that this will all get 'better' eventually, life will settle into its new rhythm (the oh so maligned 'new normal'). But the focus is on today, hopefully, just today. And it is not better today. I understand completely. Some of the todays will be better, hold on, it is coming.

IRJosh--I've been following your posts, and thought I'd voice an opinion. You know what they say about opinions, everybody has one--but they forget about us--we have two!! I really had a hard time accepting what happened to me--medically, removal of my colon was not necessary--just an arrogant error on one surgeon's daily work plate. I resented and hated and cried and swore (oh boy did I swear--the proverbial sailor). I picked fights with a very supportive husband (god love him, he stuck around) and I refused to go out of my house for almost two years. I existed behind locked gates, doors, and windows. When I would finally drive again, it was only to go through the drive-through, even for my groceries!!! Not really much fun and all my own doing. I was fearful and trusted no one, certain that everyone would only hurt me. Then I joined this site, reading almost everything posted. I didn't sleep more than 2 hours every 24 for 18 months. I did not post until fairly recently, but I learned a whole lot about a group of people that I never gave much thought to before. Amazing people who have amazing strength, showing good reasons for continuing to exist in this world, on the path of this very unfair journey we call life. I decided that it sounded like a whole lot more fun to join in rather than exclude myself. I don't do things the way most people do, even here on the site, but I've come to realize that nobody really cares how different you are. Just that you are. And the person that MUST care the most is you, yourself. I looked at your profile (yeah, I got nosy) and I think your pictures are GREAT. Very telling. The one with the smile is absolutely the BEST. See--you do still have it in you.

So you're a cat guy, huh. Myself, I'm a dog person. I was an animal hospital director, so I truly do love all animals. Anyway, I guess the point of this here book is to try hard to help you understand. You will never be happy with what happened to you. You will never get over it. Life sucks and then you die. But you did not die, and so you really must LIVE. Be grateful that you have that choice. Please understand that everyone who comes to this site absolutely understands and feels for you, as others did for them. And every one of us hopes that you recognize your own strength and desire to continue to see just what else life has in store for you. Dream, Wish, Hope,---Live. And remember we are all here for you.

Peace

Nancy

Wow... beautifully said Nancy... I know it was meant for lrjosh and I hope he sees it... it made me cry and smile at the same time... and that's what life is... smiles and tears... striving for more smiles than tears... your words are very inspiring... I very much agree! CH

Congratulations Nancy!

I agree entirely. You have captured so many concepts in such a rivetting way I could not help but admire your writing, your advice and your determination to make the most of your life.Thank you so much for sharing.

Best wishes

Bill

Thank you CH and Bill, I appreciate the input. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I can be a little overbearing. I'm not really much of a short story teller, more like a novelist, and I really don't want to offend anyone with what is just my opinion, so it helps to know that some others do not think I'm trying to tell anyone how to live their life.

Peace

Nancy

Hello Nancy. I did not think you came across as telling anyone how to live their lives - It sounded more like sharing with us how you were living your own life and how you have changed that to make it better. I love to read about people who have changed their lives around and moved on in a positive direction. You are an inspiration to us all.

Best wishes

Bill

Bill - Thanks

Nancy

Bill, there's a gentleman on the site--VulcanBMk2--who posts a music line of downloaded YouTube songs. I asked him to post one for me a while back--"Enjoy Yourself, It's Later Than You Think" by Louis Prima. I'm guessing from your outlook on life you would enjoy it.

Nancy

I agree with Bill...not overbearing at all! On this site, we sometimes have to be very graphic because of the nature of our issues, and sometimes it's overwhelming for people because they may be pretty private or just struggle in general with the most private of issues. Many times, they have to give that up in their daily lives. I remember in the early days of my diagnosis...all we talked about was poop...did I or didn't I...if so, how much...what color...if not, when WAS the last time and was it painful or did it feel just fine??? That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but we give up our modesty...privacy...and many on here are sick and in pain, coupled with the fact that they're carrying their poop around in a bag on their stomach...fun times for sure! Having said all this, I think the positive words are wonderful...and it's also okay for those struggling to vent...you never know what seed you may plant in someone's mind...they may not even be able to consider it until later, but you never know who you're helping!

Hi lrjosh...... really sorry you have had a bad night. I have had my ileostomy for 15 years now, and unlike most people, I haven't actually suffered from UC. My large bowel died due to the treatment I had from leukemia. On first having the stoma, life improved. I actually, for a year or so, had a life. Forward to today, life is zero, quality of life is zero. Many ops later, including adhesions and hernia op, and I am now at a point when I see no future. I can barely walk far with my latest hernia being so large that they say it is inoperable and being in so much pain. Waking up covered in s*** is a nightly occurrence or being frozen in so much pain, both as bad as each other. My husband sleeps in another room as it isn't fair on him, and sex is something that ended 15+ years ago. Who would want to shag a bag of sh**? So, I can totally understand your depression. But hey, we are alive - wish I wasn't, but alive I am!!

Hello debs69. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, for your honesty and your powerfully emotional post. It's a salutory experience to hear from someone like yourself who is still coping despite the overwhelming odds against. Depression in such circumstances is so understandable but I hope that you can work your way through it to a better outcome.

I love your last line and will probably plagurise it many times in future.

Best wishes

Bill