Well, I am back to work and trying to readjust to life after being out of commission for 10 months.... and I don't think I am adjusting well. Yes, everyone is thrilled to have me back at work (including my bank account). And it's nice to get back into a routine again.... but it's not my old routine.
- I'm in and out of the bathroom at work at least once an hour due to the huge amounts of water I suck down.
- I feel as if EVERYONE can see the outline of my bag, when I know in reality no one has any idea.
- Work clothes? WORK CLOTHES?! I have a hard enough time trying to figure out if I should just let my bag hang out or stick it in my underwear. And if I do that, will all of my urine back up and cause a leak? Hi-rise pants are just not high enough for me anymore, and I can't wear my cute summer dresses because New England weather is taking a page from Old England weather.
- I recently realized I am rather cranky lately - just hateful towards everything although my outer persona remains a steadfast smiley face. Talked with my roommate about this, and he said I really went through a traumatic 10 months, and it is normal to be cranky and angry. He's been quietly waiting for me to realize it on my own, and I am so thankful he talked with me as I cried and said "I don't like myself anymore". My Mom and another close friend also were seeing the cracks, and have been so supportive and understanding. Appt with my therapist is next week, but I may be moving that up a bit in light of my situation.
So, part of me wants to just curl up and hide, but I know I can't do that. At least I am aware of these emotions bounding around - and I need to allow myself to really FEEL. I'm sure others have gone through this (and more!) and I just want some thoughts on how you managed and coped. In advance, thank you!!
MMM - Urostomy 3/6/17