Intimacy & Dating with an Ostomy

Hi,

First post on here so, please be gentle.  I was wondering has anyone found a way of keeping that darn bag out of the way when they are having on of thier most intimate moments?  I've used techniques such as holding it under a t-shirt ect...  What do you do?  It just plain can get in the way sometimes...

thanks in advance

Hi. Just wanted to ask people is it really possible to date when you have a bag? From things I have read on this
site the answer is no. People say its either to hard to tell people about the bag or they run for the hills once they find out. Dont get the wrong idea. I myself cannot think of dating again. I am having a hard time dealing with my own bag. But I wonder what other people think.

I would like to share tips, secrets, anything that helps intimacy be more alluring to others.  Dont be shy, I need answers.

I am a 37 year old, single mom of 3 and I am a colorectal cancer survivor going on 3 years now. I am dating and find it very difficult and stressful to try to tell someone I want to be intimate with, that I have an ostomy.  How do you tell someone? I would also like to know how can I  hide or keep my bag from getting in the way during intimacy. I am so worried that I will never find someone...

I've already come to the conclusion that the only possibly of becoming intimate with a lady is to make sure she has some sort of an ostomy herself. That's fine and understandable though I wish the door wasn't halfway closed knowing I will never be accepted by someone without one.
Yea I know, there are alot of wonderful, sweet women out there who will understand. If you believe that you've watch...

I had my permanent colostomy surgery in August 2021. I have become comfortable with my pouching situation. But I really am nervous about having sex ( I haven't had sex since before my surgery because of problems)  I really want to have sex again but I am concerned about the pouch being in the way or a turn off to someone.

Looking for some helpful suggestions :-)

OK,

So I know I'm different, but now I'm really different after I woke up with an illieostomy.  I find I'm even more of a sub unit as the others on this site.  Are there any other gay men on here who would like to talk?  I have so many questions and just don't know how to progress.

Theres not been any dating adds so i though id be brave and be the 1st to put one on.

Well hello i was wondering what to write as a punchline 1st
so it was either
romeo seeks his Juliette
or prince charming seeks his princess
they both sound like me so any way lol.


here goes. an dating ad like you never seen before .

well i suppose I'm like a prince charming that is seeking his beautiful p...

Yo Gang!

  Ok, I've had enough.  Since joining this site this past summer (or maybe it was the spring), I've read with my own two eyes at least 3 or 4 ostomates claim they've had INTIMATE sexual relations (with a fellow human being) and their partner was totally unaware of their ostomy.  SAY WHAT???  So I need to know what the hell you're talking about.  Unless you're talking about a humm...

No wonder people have such misinfomed and disrespectful attitudes towards people with ostomies, and worsened by ostomates who use the term, as well. 

I find the use of the word "bag" to describe an ostomy pouch, demeaning and disrespectful. 

To me, its my pouch, part of the appliance I wear, a result of life saving surgery from a debilitating and killer illness,  and deserving of more resp...

It has been a LONG time since I was last involved in the dating scene as my marriage of twenty years just imploded. I recently began talking to a young man online who asked for my phone number. I thought that this was probably the right time to reveal the truth about my cancer and ileostomy. He dropped me like a hot potato. Not a word. No phone call, no email, nothing.  Even though it is the r...

Hello, Im a new illiostomy patient. Im a bit frustrated about the death of my sex life. im a very happily married man with a beautiful daughter. Since my opperation i have been told in very clear terms that there is going to be no sex for the duration of my bag. Luckily its only 6 months until i have my reversal but when u add the 2 months prior it seems like a life sentance. I understand her f...

it seems the good ladies of this site have posted a "women only" thread concerning errrrr...well never mind. anyhow, in the interest of fair play consider this.

having had both radiation and surgery to my lower "male areas" i noticed {after i had recovered enough to notice} that i can no longer ejaculate. while i can "get there" the internal piping that delivers "the goods " was damaged.........

Let's start by saying that I don't have, never had, and never will have a body part that is worth my life.  Given the choice of "We remove this or you die of cancer" that's not even the beginning of a question for me or for my husband.

That said...when I had my urostomy a couple months ago (and it's taken about this long to be able to assess the damage), to save my life the surgeon also remo...

i used my husbands computer last monday because mine broke down and
i saw pictures of him and a pretty young lady naked,
i confronted him about it and he said that since iv had my illiostomy iv become unbearable to live with,
and he wants a divorce.i cant stop crying ,he walked out on tuesday and i havnt seem him since,iv called him and left messages ,but nothing,
we have been married for 1...

I haven't dated since my surgery a year and a half ago. I just can't imagine any woman would or could be interested in me now. I'll just have to accept being alone for the rest of my life. It will be very lonely, but at least no one will worry about me when I fly into a fit of rage about my predicament, which happens alot now. I don't want any sympathy. I don't need anybody's inspiring words. I...

Okay, I'm going to put myself out there with this one. I really miss sex. I know I'm married, but sex with my wife and I has gone the way of the dinosaur. It very rarely happens, I mean I can count on one hand how many times in a year..... I can't help but think it is the ostomy. Every time I try to talk about it, I get the "nothing's wrong" answer, yet nothing changes. I admit that we never ha...

Hi, this question is kind of personal and embarrising.But I am going to throw it out there anyway.Back in june I had to have an abdominal perineal resection which is removal of rectum and anus along with a permanent colostomy. The problem is that ever since the surgery I have experienced painful intercourse to the point that I dread it. I have tried lubes but it doesn't work.It seems like there...

I know this topic has been posted many times...but does anybody have any terrible dating stories about trying to date with a ostomy? I have read about the ones where people don't mind etc..but I feel like those are few any far between. I just wanna know that I am not alone in feeling like I will never meet anyone.  I had numerous hospitalizations over the years and have not dated due to my ill...

Hi Everyone,

Im Niamh...I've been a member for over a year but have been a bit quiet. Just felt I needed to post this... I'm feeling really down at the minute.

I've had an ostomy since 2009 after 2 years of hell with UC. I had a boyfriend all through my illness but he couldnt accept the bag after the op and the relationship broke down 9 months later.

I've only recently felt like getting ou...

I’m new to the forum and I’ll start by saying that I don’t have an Ostomy myself but my partner recently had an operation for rectal cancer (May 2018) and now has a (hopefully) temporary illeostomy.

His histology results came back good so no chemo required and he’s hoping to have the reversal sometime in the next few months depending on the results of the contrast x-ray.

He’s recove...

I am 28 and gay with an ostomy bag. I feel like the only one, even though I know there must be others, I don't know any. I am concerned that I won't be able to find anyone who will date me because I have a bag. The possibility of ending up alone scares and depresses me. I truly want a partner and family one day and I just feel that people may discount what I have to offer simply because of my o...

I found a man who appeared to really like me and before meeting him I told him about my ileostomy. He proceeded to chew me out and say that no one is going to want to make love to someone with a shitbag next to them. He said I should take my profile off the dating site because I was líeing to people by not posting my condition. Before meeting anyone I have always written to them ahead of time ...

Hey, all ~

I'm a masochist who suffered a ruptured bowel in July.  I'm now equipped with a colostomy bag, which (if all goes well) will be removed in a handful of months.  Now that I'm largely recovered from the surgery, I'm getting back to the dungeon.  There are some obvious ostomy-related safety concerns.

OstomyArmor looks like an excellent and comfortable system for protecting the s...

Just seeing if there is anyone like me out there!!

Hi to everyone on the site (this is my first post) a newbie so to speak.
Never done this before and feeling a bit indifferent doing it, although needs must I suppose , and you guys know the issues and have been through similiar, and hopefully have some good suggestions.
I have not properly dated since I was diagnosed and subsequently had my surgery, I am now three years post op and even though ...

Hi Gang,

 Well, I went and checked out the "other" ostomy dating website...........can I even say their name here?  I'll play it safe and not say it, but I'm sure you all know I'm talking about Osto-Date. Oh carp, I went and said it.  Darn. Ok, forget I said that.   

 Seems like that site is more focused on dating with minimal discussion, whereas  this site is more discussion with da...

How is this possible.  unless the other is just like you or similar.  How do you go through all the redtape of dating or a date then explain your situation?  How can you charm that girl only to reveal a gross characteristic?  I've tried.  I was shunned every time in my 12 attempts with the same reactions, which is a disturbed mood changing stiff faced expression then and abrupt ending or�...

Hi.  I have a question for you single ostomates out there who have tried the dating thing.  I haven't gotten up the courage to do that since my colostomy and I'm not sure I ever will.  Could sure use some input on the subject.  When do you tell a prospective date about it?  My gut tells me to put my cards on the table and tell them immediately, thus giving them plenty of time to head for t...

It's me again

Shall I share my secrets with you guys No... I'd prefer to share nice and funny /painless/ stories or to take an advice about ... How to be the perfect lover!

From Me, Myself and I

Is it just me or it is hard to convince ourself that the surgery have not played a part in the choice of someone to go with someone else rather than you eh...?

Lol Really...  24 yrs old trying to live my life fully... as I wish I could  lol, well I think I do pretty well... but is it just me that feel like, I can't be a beast with someone that is just not aware of my situation eh? I mean,...

Lately I find myself struggling with feeling unattractive... Partly due to a lack of attention from my spouse, and partly due to how I look shirtless...

 

Before my ileostomy, I was always shirtless when the weather got hot... But after surgery in '08, I'm never without some kind of shirt on... It never really bothered me before, as I gained quite a bit of weight after I could eat again, but...

I recently watched a program on TV called “undatables” the program features people with disabilities. There was a lady who had an ileostomy and felt due to her pouch that she would never find love. The presenter explained that having a disfigurement meant the majority of men wouldn’t be interested in her.

I had my ileostomy when I was 18. Yes it was hard to get over it but never have I f...

Ok..I just remembered what someone told.me two days ago and I just had to ask. Someone told me that there is a fetish for people with stomas. Like a Pornographic sub genre out there.  I told them that while I know that there is some crazy out there ..that that couldnt possibly be true. There is no way in God's green earth that I am even going to think of looking that up. But has anyone ever h...

In July of 2011, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. I got my Urostomy at the end of July/2011. I feel lucky and blessed to be alive and well, and all my scans have all come back clear. They stopped my routine scans after 5 years.

My wife left me shortly after my surgery in March of 2012. I didn’t even know what an Ostomy was until after my diagnosis and being told what my options were. I k...

Sometimes, i think it would be easier to wear a sign that says:
I have a colostomy, if still interested call.....
Dating is hard enough!! lol

 

Many of you on here have peeked into my profile and my photos .
Have you ever noticed the change in my profile status ? 

Hey all, as per the title I'm at a bit of a low place right now.  I've had my permeant stoma for 18 months now (I had a looped ileostomy for 18 months previously) and suffered yet another pushback for a nice woman.  My Crohn's and subsequent mass of operations ended my previous 7 year relationship.

I have taken my time in getting back into the "meeting women" scene as I have been very ill,...

I have read a lot about other peoples views on dating with an Ostomy and I feel like my view differs a bit. I feel like I would want to be upfront about having an ostomy.  I don’t want to start liking someone only to find out they are gonna be a runner. So this is for those who feel similar to me. How did you bring it up? Also has anyone on here successful met someone and has a long term rel...

I have a date this weekend and am not sure how to bring up the subject of my ostomy.  I don't think anything is going to happen, but it was a fairly important event in my life....and something that I should probably tell her about.

I'm not secretive about it and not ashamed of it by any means...but I also tend to be a little flippant..."oh yeah, four years ago i almost died.  Spent a month...

Here we go all this something new to me so please be patient with me I've had ostomy surgery almost a year ago.  But since my surgery my husband don't touch me We haven't had No SEX , no affectionate I make sure I keep My bag clean @ All times he don't smell it. I wear sexy clothes & etc.. Before my surgery we were very sexual!!  Can someone PLEASE tell what do I need to do to let him know th...

hi all first post so please be kind.

prior to surgery in sept 18 i was previously a bit of a closet naturist. since surgery which has knocked my body confidence although still wanting to explore this lifestyle my concern is how others would judge me with my bag obviously on show when at the beach or at a resort etc. Has anyone had any experiences in this environment good or bad ?

I just have to say this outloud....I MISS SEX AND I WANT IT! *whew* I feel better now, thanks.

What do you think was happening, and what do you think each person in this photo was thinking at the moment the photographer captured this image?  Be careful how you respond because your thoughts reveal much about your life experiences . . .

My Heart is Broken...... Torn and tattered .

The Loss Profound ,

my world is shattered.

The Hole in my Heart will never Heal

My Love for Estrid never leaves 

My Heart My Soul 

My every Thought 

Is with her 

in her in her Lonely 

Haunt.

My tears flow .............I cry.....for Estrid , for me, for my Dear Brother whose life is Broken into a nillion pieces. 

His Love is Gone.

--...

Hi all new here, just like to say how honest and upfront  you all are regarding your relationship  issues  since becoming  an ostomate I have spent a lot of time reading through  all  or most of the posts

And can relate to to all or most of them 

I do find it a bit depressing  sometimes  I have a permanent  stoma post cancer

For six months now

And have had absolutely  no  opport...

What do men think of women who tell them they are hooked up to a colostomy? I'm speaking mainly of those men who are potential dating partners.   How do I get up confidence to start dating again?  It's been over 2 years.

Hello everyone! Well where do I start....both feet in here we go!!! 17 years with the same partner, surgery during that time and reassurance that this is what I needed to do to be healthy. Even words of encouragement like "if I had of known you were going to be this healthy I would have suggested it years ago"......now 9 years later I find myself single for totally unrealated reasons and going...

Noone talks to me at all.

 

I have a feeling ill be single for life....

I came on here as had no luck meeting anyone near me and now nothing on here...

I give up

 

 

#its a rant 

 

I dont need bad advice or any to make me feel crap

Well, I did not think this would happen but I am absolutely unable to take any more of the verbal and mental abuse.  I gave my spouse the news that I am leaving on June 1st.  He literally has had 12 years and 10 months to make things work between us but when only one person is trying, it doesn't fix things very well.  Early on in our relationship, he lost all desire for intimacy.  He said h...

Hello,

I began to formulate this very question to my male surgeon and he got so embarrassed he mumbled something incoherently and said he'd send me in a female surgeon to speak to me about it. Well, she never showed up and I am left with no answer. I am 6 weeks post op and can tell my body is not healed enough yet. But my main man and I long for one another. It's been approx 10 months since I ...

Hi Folks,

 

Hope you're having a lovely Sunday thus far!

I'm wondering for all the folks out there that are having the unfortunate experience of living permanently with a stoma (whether ileostomy or colostomy) and getting back out there dating-wise -- how do you do it?? I had a brief attempt myself ONCE since having an ostomy (mine is permanent too) and it didn't go great for a number of ...

This Friday I'm due to get a J-Pouch which I am both excited and nervous about!!

It says in the books I've read that sex can feel different and painful after having your rectum removed and I was just hoping to hear from some people, preferably girls about how they felt after having a J-Pouch.

I'm a little anxious because I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years  now and I don't want ev...

hi there ladies,i just wanted to bring up the topic of sexy underwear,i have a few questions,do you girls miss the sexy underwear lingerie companies such as anne summers and la senza offer? ive noticed theres a few companies out there that offer "sexy" ostomy underwear but am i alone in thinking that the underwear on offer is pretty and well want for a better word safe? the colour schemes are b...

Would you date a man with a foot fetish? Have you ever had anyone lick the soles of your feet or suck your toes? Is that something you might enjoy?

I had a funny thing happen the other day.

I was just sitting on the couch and my 

stoma let out a fart that would have scared any teenager!

My spouse turned around as if in shock.... I thought it was

hilarious!  I can't be offended from much anymore, but it is amazing to see others reactions!

 

Good morning my fellow ostomates

I know socializing in our society/culture is all about food... we meet for coffee, we go out to lunch, we go out to dinner, etc. But as a new ostomate I'm uncomfortable doing that with new people (coffee is ok I guess). So when someone asks me to lunch or dinner, how can I say politely that I don't want to and what can I suggest as an alternative event? And I ...

One day last fall our daughter decided she would make us up a crock of homemade beans, damn but they were good, so good I had two (or three) helpings. You all know whats coming. Three O"clock in the morning, up to go to the bathroom but the pouch was three feet ahead of me laying on the floor, just like jet propulsion. So her I am at 3am changing pouches and cleaning up the mess. My wife and da...

hi. i have had my ileostomy for 2 years now. I was single before my operation and have 2 lovely girls. I would like to meet some special, male.

I have tried dating and obviously have had to tell potential new boyfriends. I found that very hard as I cant really come to terms with it.

They have been reassuring that it makes no difference.

Why do I feel after telling them I am not good enough,...

I had Crohn's and got an ileostomy in 2009. I am a 65 year old man who has been married since 1972. I have read similar stories as mine on this site. My wife is my ostomy nurse (she helps me shave and change my bag). I don't know what I would do without her. But, that is where the love stops. Since the surgery we have become nothing more than roommates. The sex and romance are gone. It wasn't g...

Hi everyone , this is the first time I've ever posted anything but I need help. I've been married to my soul mate for 10 years now and  We have two beautiful kids. My issue is my wife has confessed that she doesn't know if she can stay with me having a colostomy. I had surgery October 29, 2018 and it hasn't been easy. My bowls blocked on three separate occasions causing me to spend more time i...

Hi Gang,

  Did that title get your attention.......thought it would.  So, in another post Cplumber mentioned checking out the UOA.org site......so I did. That's where, under the "Sexuality" topic, I found this nugget. 

"MYTH: BODY MOVEMENTS AND PRESSURE OF OUR BODIES DURING SEX WILL HURT MY STOMA.

TRUTH: Close body contact and movement during sex won’t hurt your stoma. However, nothing ...

Hello. I'm New to all this. Still working out the forums. I've seen people giving so much advice and I'm reading so many blogs.

I have a colostomy bag, permanent new addition to my body. Five weeks and counting. I'm not entirely sure how I'm feeling about it yet cause I'm on my 5th cycle of chemo and my emotions are pretty crappy anyway. ( no pun intended) ... to long a story to share so in sh...

Hi i am seeking a motorbiker in the south west for friendship first,i am a good pillion (the best)been on 1200bandit,v-max,dragstar,blackbird,hyabusa,xjr130 0 to name but a few.I live near yeovilton single no ties,wouls love to meet a like minded person for rideouts shows racing etc.If you feel i am seeking you please contact.
Safe riding
Feel the Road
Celia x

To avoid lengthy non-related threads, please only answer if you do know of a couple, or if you are in this situation yourself.

Just out of curiosity I would like to know if there is anybody out there, actually married to another ostomate?
If so, do you/they both have an ileostomy, colostomy, urostomy, or a combination of either one of them.

I have googled this question and did not find an ans...

Im in highschool and looking for someone who understands what im going through. I had just gotten in a relationship when all of a sudden my doc said i need and illeostomy. I am currently not with this person anymore because they dont understand and truthfully no one will until i am at least 30. So Im looking for a girl who has or has had an illestomy that i can be comfortable around and not hid...

Single parent 27 years old had my ostomy since may think I need to start dating!

Hi,

I should start off and say that I do not have an ostomy, however the girl I am dating does.

She has been open about it, pretty much since I met her, this is a few months ago now. She is a fantastic girl, and I am head over heels for her. I am also fairly certain this goes both ways.

We do have fairly good communication going about feeling, and about the operations etc.

She is absolutely...

Hi

Im 24 and have been fighting this descion since I was 16. Im really scared. I never thought I would have this type of life and its hard enough being gay.

But now they are telling me this might be my only choice and if thats the case whats the point really. Gay men are fical, I know Ill never find someone who truley loves me if I go through with this. All gay men are suppose to have abs, gr...

Can I raise a delicate issue with members.

Do members experience sexual frustration, with no ability to achieve satisfaction, resulting from treatment and surgery.

In my case six years ago I was diagnosed with early stage Prostrate cancer. I received radio therapy which largely rendered me impotent. Just over a year later I was diagnosed with Rectal Cancer which the hospital had missed. A Col...

well im divorced due to the ostomy.  she couldn't handle my medical problems so she walked away. i feel like trash, like im not worth anything anymore. she was having a affair while i was in the hospital almost dead the witch. sorry. bad day in court. custody hearing was today not good day.

Intimacy is always a difficult area for us ostomates. Here is how I handle it.  Sometimes without my partner knowing that I have an ostomy.  Number one.  I bought one of those streatch weight or weight loss belts that Velcro together.  Number two, I asked my Doctor write me a prescription for an antidiarreal medicine.  Get lots depending on anticipated sexual activity.    For each 3 hour...

having colectomy with ileostomy surgery this past december; "most" of me has adjusted as best i can.  gotta move forward, right? mentally i feel good! i can't feel sorry for myself, i want to live!  

my biggest worry is "what woman would want me?" i want a relationship! a lasting relationship! but feeling kind of "broken" emotionally.  

any advice?

i'm sure  a lot of people here, not eve...

The subject is  somewhat  misleading.  But  for  lac k  of  a  better  title  I  will  go   with  this  one.
I  am a  76 year  old  widower and as  such  I  have  visited the "dating and relationships" section.
I  have typed  in all  the  pertinent  information and  have  even  gotten a  few  replies.  I  have noticed   that�...

 I am wondering how many men an women who are gay or bi sexual  are on this site ?

I was hoping to get some advice on what it would be like to be intimate with a man who also has an ostomy. R there restrictions on what can be done? What r the complicity cations??? If u could reply that would be wonderful. Thank you!i

I have had my iliostomy not to be confused with colostomy which is less messy than an iliostomy for over 5 years now.  I am yet to find a line of underwear, belts or intimacy garment that firstly, feels comfortable, secondly prevents my bag from showing when filling like a watermelon bulge and looks in anyway aesthetically pleasing or doesn't let my fanny hang out...I'm a designer and I've pur...

Some of you know that in 2018 I left my abusive spouse after 15 long years trying to make things work. I moved into my own apartment, got a job and worked very hard to become debt free. During this time, I gave my then spouse two years to get counseling and work on the issues. After realizing that he had done nothing, I divorced him in 2020.  A year later in April 2021, I moved out of the apar...

i know this subject has been talked about on several blogs but now it has happened to me and i need you to help.i met a very nice guy. lives about 30 minutes from me. we had a wonderful meeting and both left with phone calls and plans for him to come here for dinner.  now the big question ( i know this subject has been asked before)  should i meet him again or wait til he comes for dinner to...

I have had a colostomy now for 3 yrs, and for the most part I have learned to live with it.  But I cannot seem to feel confident about myself infront of my husband.  He continues to touch me and make love to me like he use to,  and tells me that I am still sexy, but everytime I stand infront of him naked, I am very consientious.    I get uncomfortable when he starts touching me intima...

Well I'm returning to work next week. Physically I'm in wonderful shape considering the surgery. I'm cancer free. My son is doing well, he's finishing his classes and getting his certificates in February. My niece has moved in and has been a blessing the last several months. Both friend and family have been here for me. I've had so much support and here I am feeling sorry for myself, I should b...

I have to say I wasn't expecting what was going to happen to my sex life after this surgery.. It was a botched surgery and I ended up with a permanent illiostomy. Prior to surgery the wife and I were having sex sometimes twice a day. Now, I'm lucky if it's twice in a year. It didn't help matters that my wife had a hystirectomy. (not the best speller.) I'm wondering if there are other people exp...

I'm wondering how everybody handles the issue of dating with an ostomy.  Is this something you should tell in the beginning or once you have gotten to know the person better.  I'm lost, at first I thought I should tell up front but then I was afraid I would be judged based on my ostomy.  On the other hand I was afraid the other person would maybe feel betrayed that I didn't trust them up ...

Hi guys, I'm confused by my body - the background is: I've known a guy for about seven years, I used to see him standing very quietly with his mates at a night club I used to go to, and he'd occasionaly be looking at me, to cut a long story short, it took five years for me to be the one to approach him and say 'hi'. I was married at the time (getting divorced now), and there was no way I would ...

This isn't really IBD related per say, but has anyone here ever been cheated on by their spouse? I have been in my relationship since 2002 and married since 2008. I have had Crohn's since 1994. My CD almost killed me a few times and the biggest memory of almost dying my husband was by my side rushing me to the hospital. He helped me through my darkest days. Unfortunately our sex life was none e...

Hi,

i am am not sure why I am posting this, other than to get it my chest. I was diagnosed with severe UC just over a year ago. I underwent an emergency illiostomy and spent the following 2 weeks in intensive care and the next 3 months in hospital. My wife was my absolute rock, through the whole thing. I wouldn't have got through it without her. I would have just given up. 

We have only been...

We often hear or read stuff about people’s appearance while wearing an ostomy appliance. We certainly emphasize physical beauty today and, to some, being an ostomate eliminates dating possibilities and, sometimes, professional advancement. Sometimes we get comforting suggestions from caring folks telling us things like “Nobody can see it”, “it doesn’t change who you are”, “Nobody ...

As you may have read in my other post, I have just started up a casual but sexual relationship with a man who I think has a colostomy or ileostomy (I don't have an ostomy). After reading a number of posts from people having trouble with dating and intimacy, whether self-confidence or crappy partners, and when to tell your date, I thought you might like hear my perspective.

Firstly it may surpr...

I've been through loosing husband of 28 years then within months having cancer and having the one solid rock not there to help me through.  Surviving cancer twice on your own then having reconstructive surgery and an ostomy has been extremely difficult.  I long for someone like him to be by my side,  my Shallow Hal.  In reality, there's been no one.  I'm just a bag lady with no rectum and ...

Hi, I don't think I have been so active on the Forum scene, but do read a lot of your posts, many of which by the way have me in stitches!

I have had an ileostomy since 2004, and only have one in order in theory to enable the repair of a recto-vaginal fistula.

Does anyone else out there have the same condition - would love to know, as I am feeling a bit of a rarity!

Hi all!  I haven't been on the site for quite a while and when I was I stayed pretty quiet.  Right now though I feel the need to reach out to people who just might have a clue about what I am feeling.  I am very lonely these days.  I had problems in the relationship area anyway before getting my bag but now I feel even more insecure (if that's possible).   I have really only dated one...

 Just out of curiosity, how many of the folks in here were dumped within a year of your diagnosis?

So my wife is currently experimenting with the fetish scene! Thanks to 50 shades lol! So is there anyone out there with a stoma that's I to or has been into the fetish scene ie clubs etc? Can you give some advice and or share so experience? 

Cheers michael

Hey guys,

 

just need some advice. I had to have my surgery in emergency circumstances due to severe Ulcerative Colitis - so there wasn’t much time to discuss it!

Since having it, it’s been about 5 weeks now, and I’m recovering really well. But it seems as more weeks go by he’s avoiding me more and more.

The first couple weeks after surgery he was talking to me normally like we usu...

....with my ileostomate husband.


Just felt like sharing. I'm in a sharing/silly/giddy mood. Probably because Christmas is coming.

My daughter has been on my case for the last 6 yrs about dating.  Moreso since I've had my ostomy surgery.  I have Familial Andenometous Polyposis (FaP), so I had everything below the small intestine removed, Colon, Anus Rectum (wince) I already had horrible self esteem so, you can imagine what my self esteem was like after my surgery

But, God bless my lovely daughter.  I was so angry wi...

Hello all I have had my little friend since December 2011. I did think it was hard enough finding a fella as a single mum but this makes things that much more harder.

I met a guy on a dating site so have had the chance to get to no him and him me before meeting. Well the time has come to bite the bullet and will be going on a date tomorrow night. The only thing im worried about is telling him...

Hello,

I'm a 20 year old college student. Several times my friends have invited me to go dancing either at parties or country dance halls on college night. I've never gone with them, mostly because of my ostomy. My bag is not always flat, especially when it has output (which is nearly always). I'd like to be able to dance with a guy, which usually involves touching, at least around the waist. ...

How can I began to date with a iliostomy if I can't accept it myself especially since mine is for life. Am I vain for thinking this way?

Hi, new here kind of..I never had the strength mentally to speak openly about my issues as they are somewhat out of the norm To give a short explanaition. I have an ileostomy and have had it since October 2018. The reason for it is due to something wrong with my pelvic floor and/or nerves. I suffer painful erections and if I do ejaculate the tension is unbearable. Even laying down flat cause ma...

Hi everyone.  

    Just thought I'd chime in to let you know my progress.  I had a colostomy takedown on March 10th of 2020.  I had the Hartmann procedure in October of 2019 due to diverticulitis.  Long story there. But anyway, 

things are going extremely well.  (knock on wood).  I feel great, I've been working out again and getting back to my old hobbies.  I went from 185 pounds b...

Since I had my stoma done in 09 I've had no conference in looking for another partner, after my ex couldn't cope when I had my first bag in 05 he put me down an said not nice thing's that stick in your head,  you can see from my photo's I'm only tiny in frame and body (skinny)  so I get a lot of funny looks because of my size.

it would be nice to meet someone that understands and accepts me ...

Hello everyone!!!

It has been almost a year since joining this site. I just wanted to share. I know a lot of people get concern about meeting someone on here. I’m not a lifer membership and I had someone initiate to take me out . I’ve been divorced since 2009.  He lives in Chicago. I ignored the first time thinking he was joking. I live in Milwaukee. So a month later he sent me message th...

I am new here. I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Chrissy and I am a mother of 4, just turned 40. A little about me..... Last year I was diagnosed with cervical cancer (early stage) I had to have a radical hysterectomy (Jan 5, 2018). I ended up having complications afterwards. Although, I was told beforehand that recto-vaginal fistulas were rare, it was possible.... I was that unluc...

New to this. Divorced and kinda nervous to try to date. Honestly dnt know where to start, lol.  Looking for companianship & someone to relate to & know what im going thru. 

Good morning

 

I am new to this site but would like to sound out opinions; a non ostomy someone I know has asked me twice to upload a photo of mine before I get reconnected (estimated Nov this year) Personally I am quite uncomfortable with this request and apart from for medical reasons for medical people I think this is a bit of an odd request??? What do you think? 

Hi all,
being a gay ostomate, i met a really sweet guy.We got on so well together lots of fun and laughter plus we had alot in common.Five weeks into our relationship i told him i had a ileostomy since i was 13yrs old and told him  why i had to have it. Since i told him i havnt heard from him since.I now feel stupit  for telling him and really really hurt. having a ileostomy now for 32yrs i...

going on my first date  since hubby left, so im very nervous,
he dosnt know about my iliostomy ,and im not going to tell him on our first date,
iv 24 hours to prepare myself ,think ill stick to protiens in the resteraunt HELP.

I am not trying to make this post a woes me one.  I never thought I would have nor want a relationship again after what I went through in my marriage than my husband dumping me because he couldnt handle my illness no more.  But I really am tired if being and feeling alone. But I said it before and I will say it again, who would want me like this?

Since I've been newly dumped and new to having a colostomy can someone tell me please the proper procedure for getting to know that special someone without having them run out of the door screaming.

do I let them find out on their own and turn it back on them by saying "when were you going to tell me about the false eyelashes?"

please dont take this seriously I'm working on new jokes for my ...

There are several posts here about sex, so, I'm just adding another one. I've had my permanent ileostomy since 2015. I do not like it. I know that is surprising lol! But, it is what it is, and life goes on. After the surgery, I knew sex might be an issue. Maybe a bit physically, but, mostly mentally.  To be honest, we were never one of those couples that had sex everyday. But, we still had a g...

hi guys

i have crohns and ileostomy, but i still would like that close intimacy of a women.. What is the view here

im really trying to understand why on this site no one is interested in chatting or meeting a new friend with the same issues, are you all just waiting for mr America! Just don’t get it!

Hi All
Hope everyone is well for the christmas season just would like to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR and lets hope next year is a great one for all of us,love from the kiwi lass in new zealand

Dating with an ostomy pouch can be difficult.  If you're like me and also have Herpes, good luck, you're gonna need it!

Well I have chatted with a couple of people, but have yet to land a date.  I thought I was articulate, pic was ok, profile short and sweet.  OH WELL. RAY.

Hello all... this is the first time (I think) I have ever posted here, so I'm just gonna put this out there ans see what happens.

I have illeostomy, which I've had for now 7 years. I wear a pouch, and I am still so disgusted with it, that I haven't been intimate (pants off) in that time. I don't have any prospective partner, so this is more about overcoming my limitations, than the technicalit...

Hi everyone haven't been on site in a while. Had radiation and chemo back in 2011 and radiation did a job on my body inside and plus the radiation had melted my penis to my groin so a erection would hurt like hell from what i was told by a urologist up in Colorado after telling me that he gives me a box of cealis. And i have tried to get a erection but nothing just a limp penis. My question is ...

Hey guys! I am just wondering what's the weirdest thing you guys ever put in your ostomy?  Do differnt objects feel better??    Or is it just me? I know it's terrible, my doctor says it's a bad idea but I just can't help myself.   My addiction of the month are baby carrot sticks...I stuff them in and let them pop back at. I like feeling them in my bag, three or more is the best!  Any other...

For a while I just wish I could meet someone.  I've been divorced and single forever :(  I have a severe vocal disorder and colostomy with a hernia.  Who's going to find anything about that attractive? :(

hello, im new here and wanted to share my story and maybe get some advices.

ive got permanent ileostomy in jan 2018 due to UC. At that very moment my relations with my husband was not good for some years. Then i received a post-op space with some liquid. And cant have sex till i fix it. 

Coz of all these troubles no i have just my son he is 17 and permanent ileostomy in my life. Will be glad...

I just wanted to tell y'all that miracles do happen for us when it comes to love! Many of us doubt whether we will ever be loved again...but I'm here to tell you that we can! I am now married after 5 years spent being alone and miserable! I got married on St. Patrick's Day and have loved it ever since! Shane doesnt give a darn about sammy (my stoma) and actually tends to forget that it's even t...

Have had my ostomy going on 10 years now.  Very active at one time in my life then follow ups with doctors reveal that My surgeon butchered me making a sex life impossible for me. Can there be a meaningful relationship without sex?

Hi,

I got my temp ileostomy 6 months ago. I had just separated (my decision) and thought I might not have any relationship as long as I have my stoma (which I still will have at least for 6 months).

Well, so far I've told about my ileostomy for 2 dates. The first date I told some months ago moved abroad, so we put our relationship on a hold, but I can assure you, my stoma was never a problem....

History:

I was diagnosed for UC in January 2011 - underwent partial collectomy in August 2011 - opted for "J Pouch" in February 2012 - Underwent J Pouch reversal surgery in January, 2013. I have recovered completely and am a "Stomite" as we speak.
My wife was by my side all through out the roller coaster ride and over the last 3 years. We love each other.

Problem:

The physical relashions...

If you've been on the dating scene since undergoing your ostomy surgery, what kind of dating experiences have you had when you told a prospective romantic partner about your ostomy? How and when did you choose to disclose? What was their reaction and how did it affect you?

I think it would be interesting and helpful to have a dedicated thread for real life dating with an ostomy stories. If it'...

Hi everybody! I hope that you guys don't mind if I vent a little. I have been trying to find a way to cope and release frustration. Recently I blogged about meeting new people and exploring what life has to offer. The reason for this is because I recently separated from my wife of 24 years. We have been having problems for many years now and I thought that it would be best to split. I guess tha...

OK. So here's the deal. I've had an ileostomy for about 5 years and considering that I've had 9 surgeries in 4 years, I think I have pretty good body image. Now I have unexpectedly found myself in a caring and committed relationship with a very supportive man but it's new. Usually when I have sex, I tape my pouch (which is already the smaller "midi" type) up out of the way and I use Coloplast's...

I've recently taken up a casual sexual relationship with a friend whom I hadn't seen for 15 years. He hasn't said so, but from piecing together a few clues I think he has had a colostomy or ileostomy. He has crohn's and when we went to bed he kept his shirt on, trying to cover something around his waist. I thought it was a like an athletic support for his stomach or back at the time, but there ...

When is the right time to tell someone if your dating that u have a colostomy? I normally just blurt out and say it lol.

 

Hi everyone! New on here. I had an emergency colectomy in Jan 2018. I haven't decided yet if I want to go for the J-pouch as I feel so incredible so I don't want to let go of that yet. Obviously I know plenty of successful JPouch stories but always being in the 2% ;) of special cases I'm not ready yet. I was afraid to be intimate after my surgery because I thought all men were going to be horri...

Just want to say that, as a confirmed bachelor in his 50s at the time of my ostomy in 2009, I was doubtful I'd find the love I'd always wanted. Well I did, at the young age of 62, and we've been married for 6 years now. She'd only ever met one person before, a co-worker, with an ostomy, and was apprehensive. But we hit it off, and have a wonderful life together, and yes the intimacy is very goo...

Is it just me, or does anyone else’s bag fill (to the brim) during foreplay……… it’s so much of a problem that most of the time I feel like I need to change the subject when the situation of intimacy raises its head. This seems to happen to me at anytime of the day or night.

it’s sending me crazy and killing my relationship 

My wife and I used to be active swingers, any members like to know about the lifestyle just ask,
We were in Florida, but now in Kent UK.
Bags dont mean the end.  
How do other bi Guys/couples  cope?

Hi there,

I'll preface this by disclosing that I myself am not an ostomate. I am a lesbian, and my girlfriend has a temp ileostomy. She gets self-conscious about it sometimes, but I constantly reassure her that it doesn't bother me. She had surgery shortly after we started dating, and I was in the hospital with her almost every day she was there. It didn't phase me then-when it was new, and ou...

I've been advised I don't wait long enough. I've also been toldI was a "time waster" for waiting too long to mention it. Also, how do people approach showers for the first time with a lover...or feeling confident enough to feel accepted walking around in our birthday suit in front of them knowing they will still see us as 'sexy' with nothing on?

So here's what happened...

 

I had my rectum removed two weeks ago (my fourth surgery). They warned me about complications and sexual dysfunction just like all the other surgeries, but I think this time something actually happened.

 

I masturbated today for the first time since surgery. I did not get a full (or even partial) erection, but I was using a special lubricant which helped me ev...

Good day to all. 

I would like to talk with someone concerning men's issues related to post and near future operative concerns in this area. 

Thanks very much, 

Bobby

How does one get past the fear of starting to date, but dread telling strangers about having a colostomy?

Hi, I am a widow of seven years and was with my husband for 28 years. I'm now going to start dating, how and when do I bring up that I have a bag?

Hello,

I'm soon to get an ileostomy but there's one thing putting me off massively! I've heard for a few women now that vaginal intercourse is either impossible, very sore or (for lack of a better way to say it) can't go very deep after the surgery.

I've had appointments with my consultant and 2 stoma nurses who have never heard of this but they also gave me a leaflet that said exactly my poi...

Hi everyone! My name is Jessica. I live in NM.  My total colectomy was a septic emergency on January 29.  I was in hospital and rehab for five months.  They dx me with colitis.  I do not like the annoyance of the bag but I do love my lil stoma and not feeling terrible all the time.  They also took out my cancerous appendix.  It has been a ride.  My biggest challenge with my ily is that I...

I moved to Lady Lake FL last October. Like the classic rock bands in the Squares and various bars/restaurants. Covid has put a damper on that. Looking for female friend, wine and dine, home and out , go hear live music (classic rock and roll), dance, talk often, swap listening to all our little problems, and laugh a lot. Me: retired, lived in So Cal for 30 years, owned a small but humble mortga...

Do you ever wonder if you will ever find love again?? I wonder all the time now, especially since I gained "Maxine" on my side.  Anyone who might possibly think that they could have a relationship with me will also have to accept "Maxine" and realize that she will often be running the show by her rules and timeline. Somedays...well many of the days...she can be fairly easy to live with and the...

An ostomate should not have problems during sexual intercourse, unless he/she is neglecting proper maintenance of ostomy appliance.  The pouch itself may create some discomfort during intercourse; however, smaller pouches are available to lessen the interference of longer pouches!

what is the difference between an ostomy and an iliostomy--I feel so stupid for asking. I am four months post op. I had my colon removed and I am new on your link.

At age 37, Linda Brashier battled Stage 4 cervical cancer, undergoing grueling rounds of chemo and radiation. Slowly, she beat back the cancer and recovered, but realized she would probably never have sexual intercourse again. The scar tissue inside her vagina (caused by radiation), made intercourse too painful and made it impossible for her to have intercourse without pain. Doctors prescribed ...

Guys, especially the thin, athletic and handsome ones, why do y'all cheat after being intimate with a female ostomate? Am I just meeting the creeps out there? Then they lie 'cause they "...don't want to hurt our feelings" how gentlemenly of them! Guys, what do you think? Interview your guy friends to investigate what that's all about, especially the ones that introduce us to their families, say...

Hi all

It's my first time posting here, have had my ileostomy since I was 12 (29 now, so quite a long time) and  obviously I've had boyfriends and things have gone right and wrong and have been happy and sad like anyone else in this world. The thing is I have always done things the same way... Meet someone and go on dates, sort of to make sure they would like me enough for when I told them ab...

This may be a little long so bear with me.  I am 60yo male and will be 61 this year. I have a masters degree (not that it matters) and had a professional carrer. I had my ileostomy on 2007.  The surgery went way bad and I spent 3 months in the hospital.  The surgon really messed up and cut the nerves to my pelvic area so now I have to use a catheter to urinate and can no longer get an erecti...

I'm 35 and my husband of 12 years passed away, he loved me so much and he could care less about my ileostomy, but now im thinking about dating and I'm scared, I've always been subconscious about my ileostomy and now it's worse. I don't get sick as often but still. What has been everybody's experiences? When do you tell somebody about it? I usually tell people right away that I meet but I was no...

I am scheduled for APR surgery in two days. Am very concerned about how to handle the changes this will create in my life. I have had an ileostomy for 4 years now. I am wondering if anyone may have experience, wisdom, advice to share? I am especially concerned with the effects to my sexuality. This has been an incredibly emotional journey. I'm sure SOMEONE must understand...

Hello my fellow ostomates!

 

When i got my ostomWhen i got my ostomy i became very self conscious .i didnt think i would ever find someone who would accept my situation and love me despite the ostomy...to think me beautiful regardless of it. I gave up on the possibility of dating altogether  Well...after 10yrs i have finally found a man just like that!

Shane is a wonderful man. We have bee...

So i bought a corset that i where around my waist and i tuck my bag into it. It helps to make sure you've recently empty it and then afterwords ill go to the bathroom and pull it back down. When it came to the intamacy i never had any issues with my ex...in fact my partner started having jealous issues becuase he made me feel so confident. It was an overwhelming situation since he was the only ...

When it was important... for me it was when I dated... to not have any excrement and/or gas, I took charcoal tablets. They're available OTC in drug stores. Bought mine at a CVS. 
Not sure if they affect overall health when taken 24/7. 
They sure made a difference in my life; had NO anxiety when close to others. 

hi guys . been with my rudi (colostomy ) 3 yrs now. somedays feels like i am still adjusting. i never was an agressive person seeking friends or a relationship. i do feel i am missing out or not really trying to seek out someone or a group of friends that really understand what someone with a colonoscopy or illiostomy is going through. i have had 3 yrs to adjust . but somedays i fill alone in m...

Ok, ok, perhaps ostomates can find a life partner out there. But what about sex? This is actually one of the top questions people ask me when they find out I have an ostomy. "Can you still have sex?"I tell them oh course I can.......but underneath my breath I thinking " NO THANK YOU!
Reasons why my sex life has not  improved since installation of my permanent ileostomy: 1) I am in pain.  I...

Ok so this is a little difficult to write about but what the heck. So a little background. I had diverticulitis, past tense because the 2 surgeries I had, removed the effected sections. But prior to that I had a vasectomy in 10/2010, and the sigmoidectomy 08/2/2011, and emergency operation on 08/07/2011, and after that i had the temp colostomy. Well since then, despite my self confidence, my wi...

I have FAP And by the time they caught my FAP I was already in stage IV colorectal cancer I have lost my rectum anus my entire colon I had to have liver ablations or burnouts and I had to have a total hysterectomy too.   Also my FAP has advanced i have precancerous polys in my stomach and precancerous cells in my duodenum.  Can you tell me how you deal with having this disease?
My husband ...

this past thursday i went to see mental health counseler from va she was a phd but not md.During session she asked about dating, intimacy.I told her there had been none however i was invited to ladies home i met during music therapy at ca facility she was music director at local theatre,one of many in sarasota she did not know of ostomy,and after all that i had been thru and monitoring conversa...

Greetings all!

I used to have a rather active account on this website but over the years I stopped coming as often because my real life got rather  busy. In any event it's awesome to be back and I look forward to reconnecting with some old and hopefully new friends here as well!

To make a long story short, my beautiful and very much loved husband, Tyler, has had his ileostomy since he was a...

Have met a woman. The bag is no issue even when intimate! So yes, you can have a relationship even with colostomy due to cancer!

Hey, I've been thinking about writing something like this post for a long time, so, my apologies if it seems confused occasionally. It's been milling about for a while. Extra info, I'm a 26 year old guy from London, my last surgery was 2 years ago. 

I was told about this site about 4/5 years ago when the prospect of getting a temporary stoma was inevitable, and since then I've checked back oc...

i am newly back to the group. I have a ileo and a uro. Ileo since i day one and uro since i was born. I was born witha rare birth defect. I'm a very open person about it face to face. I'm not really into posts talking about it. I am looking to find other ladies to meet and talk to. Share medical, future goals etc. So far i am not finding this site very helpful but who know. i just bought a year...

My names Mike I'm 40 from Northampton, I have recently had a Colostomy first bit of surgery. My stoma is called Smiley reason being first pic I took looked like a smiley face Plus I'm known for having a beaming smile across my chops. I'm fun happy and always up for a laugh x

I would just like to encourage everyone on this site that you can find true love after surgery. I absolutely found my life long true love on this site or should I say he found me. My life will never be the same. 

A year ago I moved out of my home and into my own apartment.  I gave my spouse 1 year to make some desperately needed changes.  If he showed a commitment to making these changes, made some of them and restarted counseling, I said I was willing to return.  Unfortunately, this has not come to fruition and I have found it necessary to move on with my life.  I did not make my decision lightly.�...

I had my ilistomy in 2007.  My wife could not deal with my problems and divorced me in 2010.  I am 66yo.  I had four surgeries because messed up surgery at VA.  Not only do I have the ilisotomy but they cut all the nerves to my bladder and groin so I have to use a catheter to urinate and can no longer get an erection. The desire is there but no action.  It's been 10 years without a mate an...

I got my ostomy a long, long time ago. I was in a long term relationship at the time and never really thought twice about it and neither did my partner. It was a non-issue for the both of us. Since then I have had a couple of relationships and was briefly married. I’m queer and date all genders but have mostly been with women. For whatever reason I don’t feel much anxiety when it comes to m...

Ive had my ostomy for almost a year now but only recently got back into dating. My question is... is there a right time to bring it up? It's not something Id want to talk about on a first date but is it something I should mention on a 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.

Also, any tips on how to broach the subject? I havent told many about my ileo and I dont even know really how to go about it.

Any help would ...

Alrighty then I'll spend the money. And a small price indeed because there is treasure here.
Just been browsing and I'll admit I'm enjoying this and certainly by this time tomorrow I should be engaged. I like the opportunity afforded, it allows for interesting as well as entertaining threads. Listen to me acting like I know what I'm talking about. I joined the site about a week and a half ago....

I am interested in dating. But when is it the right time to tell somebody that u have colonstmy. I just want to know what some people thoughts are or give me some advice.

Thanks

1.  "YOU ALWAYS HURT_____________________________"

2.  "ROMEO, ROMEO________________________________"

3.  "I'M BUSTER BROWN,____________________________"

4.  "WATSON, I ___________________________________"

5.  "SHE CROSSED THE GREAT MOUNTAIN,_____________"

I have had an ilestomy since 2007.  Was married but ex could not really deal with my medical isues.  She divorced me several years ago and was able to get the house.  I am not going to go into that issue as I am not upset about it.  (Actually kind of glad)  I am 60yo and now live in Denton, Texas which is just north of Dallas.  I would really like to meet others in my area but would also ...

I am trying to find out how to get in touch with spongerobb! I live in same city as him! Any ideas anyone, as I'm not a full member

 

 

.

Hi I am 34 years old and have colitis (I have a colostomy bag) I have recently become interested in a woman who told me she has genital herpes or HSV2. She takes suppressive therapy and I have done researcb and found that there is a 1% chance of transmission when precautions are taken. If we were to become intimate and if by some chance I happened to catch it, would it be a risk for my health?

Trying to find friend's in Dover delaware with the same problem I have so we talk and become friends my name is andre Fisher hit me up boredthanks in advance

Last year I was hospitalized for three nights due to dehydration related to kidney issues.  It's difficult enough to sleep in a hospital bed, but one night I awoke and slowly became aware of a nurse standing over me.  She didn't say anything at first.  It must have been sometime between midnight and 2 AM.  Finally she spoke up:  "Can I see your ileostomy?"  I must be dreaming, I thought, ...

Hello now I'm here in North Carolina is any one from here? Would be nice to chat and make new friends.