This topic is about coming to terms with the news that an ostomy reversal is no longer possible. The person who started the discussion had been assured of a reversal after their emergency surgery but has now been told it won't happen. They have lived with a J-pouch for 30 years and are struggling to accept the permanence of their stoma, feeling misunderstood by those around them. They reached out to others to see if anyone else has felt similarly devastated by such news.

Here are some insights and advice shared by others:

1. Emotional Adjustment & Acceptance
- Feeling devastated at first is normal, but acceptance often comes with time, support, and open conversations.
- It can be helpful to remember that the ostomy saved your life and still allows for an active and fulfilling future.
- Some find it comforting to give their stoma a name or think of it as a companion, which can help in developing a positive mindset.

2. Reversal Realities & Risks
- Ileostomy reversals tend to have lower success rates compared to colostomy reversals. Some members believe that avoiding a reversal might be a blessing in disguise.
- Potential complications after a reversal can include chronic diarrhea, persistent pain, strictures, pouchitis, and a possible return to a permanent stoma.
- Factors like radiation damage, limited remaining colon, adhesions, and overall health can lead surgeons to cancel or advise against reversals.

3. Personal Experiences Shared
- Many have chosen to keep or return to a permanent ileostomy after unsuccessful or risky reversals, reporting a better quality of life.
- Some members shared experiences of failed reversals, long surgeries, and canceled reversal dates, but they eventually adapted and found peace.
- There are long-term success stories of people living fulfilling lives with a stoma, maintaining careers, relationships, and enjoying travel and activities.

4. Practical Tips & Encouragement
- Engage with stoma nurses and attend patient education events for help with issues like leaks, clothing, diet, and body image.
- Focus on high-protein nutrition, quitting smoking and alcohol, and building strength to prepare for any future surgery or to improve daily stamina.
- Seek mental health support for dealing with emotions like anger, PTSD, anxiety, and depression related to the surgical journey.
- Remember that there are many others with ostomies; connecting with this community can reduce feelings of isolation and provide valuable coping strategies.