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Things I've noticed as an ostomate

Posted by NJ Bain, on Wed Jul 27, 2016 1:15 pm
I find that I no longer leave the toilet seat up. I go number 2 faster than anyone I know. I no longer get the urge to poop and don't have to worry about sh*tting my pants. I miss farting. I never run out of toilet paper. When I drive behind a car when the battery discharges, past freshly laid mulch or when driving near a slaughter house, I get paranoid that my bag has sprung a leak. If I ever get into a confrontation, I can always use the contents of my bag as a defense mechanism.  I call it dirty mace. I use a hair dryer after showers to dry my bag.  Being a bald guy, I wonder if my landlady wonders why I'm using the hair dryer?

  Just a few things that make me laugh.  Please add to the list of things YOU'VE noticed.  tongue-out


Reply by jaykay75, on Wed Jul 27, 2016 5:24 pm

Love it! Made me laugh!

Reply by Emra, on Wed Jul 27, 2016 6:57 pm

I am choking on my evening tea!  These were all great!!!!  Keeping a sense of humor is so fact I think it is key to healing physically and emotionally. 

Thanks again!

Reply by Bill, on Thu Jul 28, 2016 2:01 am

Thanks Bain. We need these sorts of posts to keep us going and to keep us from becoming morbid about the whole thing.

Best wishes


Reply by Emra, on Thu Jul 28, 2016 8:24 am

Prior to my surgery, I had such a nervous colon, that going anywhere resulted in me running to the bathroom and waiting for the "runs."  No I'm out the door easy peasy. 

Regarding explusion of gas from the rear butt, following a colonoscopy this week, while home recuperating I felt a strange sensation - went to the loo and VOILA I actually expelled air LOUDLY from the back.  I never thought I would ever say this...but I miss farting too!

I feel a real sense of entitlement when I'm waiting on line in a store and I can sense "action."  Ha...I can just stand there all smug knowing that I can take care of business and do my shopping at the same time.  I am multi tasking and only I know it!

I have new "cred" with my 12 year old nephew who, upon my answering what kind of surgery I had, responded "awesome" when I told him I had several inches of my colon removed.  My 7 year old niece thinks pooping in a front butt bag is cool and giggled for a long time when I responded to her question of "what happens with the back butt?" and I said "it's on vacation." 

Not as funny as NJBain...but looking at the bright side of this new way of life is the way to go (please do pardon the pun wink).


Reply by NJ Bain, on Thu Jul 28, 2016 9:49 am


  Glad I could put a smile on your faces and thank you for the responses.  I agree that life without laughter is not living.  If I didn't have a sense of humor, I'd of lost my mind a long time ago.  Hang in there all and God bless!



Reply by Freebyrd, on Fri Jul 29, 2016 1:45 pm

LOL. Great stuff NJ Bain.  I miss farting too;  However, you can always unclip your bag whenever you need to clear out a room or don't feel like waiting in line at the bar for a beer.

Reply by harleyrider, on Wed Aug 03, 2016 8:50 am

Love it . Thanks

Much to my wife's chagrin, I still unfortunately  leave the seat up on occaasion...

Reply by l15484, on Wed Aug 03, 2016 8:53 am

I miss hangover poos. The sort that would make u feel less hungover

Reply by Texasmade, on Wed Aug 03, 2016 12:02 pm

A sense of humor goes a long way!  I find that when I don't make a big deal out of having an ostomy, no one else does either!

Reply by vikinga, on Wed Aug 03, 2016 12:23 pm

Well we do fart.......although no silent missles. If someone lays a stinkfart in the room I KNOW it ain't me:) 

I love the "my back butt's on vacation" Smile

As my ostomy is in the middle I have my own "loin cloth". 

I know more about peristalsis now than any one I know....well except for this crowd!

I know more about my digestion transit time, what foods do what to me, and what things I digest well or pills I absorb than I ever have in my life!

AND if I want to get freaky, I eat a meal with red beets and red wine on the menu. Looks like I am bleeding to death!! Too bad I can't use that for halloween! Smile)

Reply by harleyrider, on Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:54 pm

One other thing I've learn is that "  Yes  sometimes ,my shit does stink !"  Could knock over a horse,  a 1/2 mile away ,on occasions   LOL

Reply by Browneyedgirl, on Thu Aug 04, 2016 10:02 pm

Baha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaa!!!   You cracked me up.  I can certainly relate!!

Reply by AussieJo, on Tue Aug 09, 2016 9:54 am

It definitely helps to have a sense of humour! I brag to my friends that I can $h!t and drive so I can multi task and don't have to pull over on road trips ☺.

I miss farting too. I hate feeling bloated and not being able to release the pressure even though the natural urge to let one go remains.

The things we get to laugh hysterically  about like a luntic. .. eg  the ridiculous fact that you can say to the district nurse that it's been a good day simply because you didn't leak $h!t through your belly while doing a bag change. Or when in a shopping mall with a friend and she mentions about having a sore rear end and you can sympathise because the nappy (diaper)rash on your belly is quite sore lol.


Reply by vulcanBMk2, on Mon Aug 15, 2016 2:30 pm

Im Urostomy & connecting up my night bag I could drive the length of Uk without a bathroom stop ( I would need to re fuel the car )

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