Wife's Struggles with Stoma: Need Advice on Saving Our Marriage

I've posted this information many times, but, in case someone doesn't know about this, I use Topicort Gel for red, weepy skin which was driving me crazy. My appliance wouldn't adhere and I consulted every doctor, enterostomatherapist, etc.... but none of them had a viable or even logical solution until I went into the surgical supply store and they told me to see the community nurse at the local hospital and she prescribed the gel for me. Magic, cured instantly. On another website, I've seen that people use Calamine Lotion on their skin with good results. You don't need an RX for it and it is not expensive. Hope this is helpful.

Ann

Without a colostomy, Liam, none of us would be here - or anywhere. I choose to embrace this science that has allowed me to once again enjoy a meal, leave the house without fear of humiliating myself or, worse, dealing with the excruciating pain that kept ripping apart my insides. If your wife observed the worst of times for you, for her, for the entire family, then surely she can appreciate your future together and find an acceptance of life's new normal. It really isn't so bad. I love going to a Broadway or Off-Broadway show, for example, knowing I can poop while watching an acting troupe perform instead of spending the entire time straddling a toilet and praying for, literally, a moment of peace. Acceptance and understanding. I'm lucky to have that with my wife. Truly hope it happens for you. All the best - Silveradokid.

Hi Liam.

Like you, my wife had a problem with my stoma. The way around it we found was single beds pushed together. You're still next to each other, but if you have a leak, it's only a single bed to change and you don't have to disturb your wife.

If you are having problems with leakage, talk to the company that supplies your stoma equipment. They will work with you to help, different stoma bags, adhesive sprays. There are lots of equipment to help stop leakage. And finally, watch what you are eating. As a rule, you can eat most things, but only if you chew, chew, chew. I am one of the unlucky few whose stomach acids don't tolerate a lot of things, so I have a limited diet which I have gotten used to, and both my wife and I enjoy life together.

As long as you are eating at regular intervals and not too close to bedtime, I would think your bowel movements will start to regulate to specific times. For instance, once I empty my pouch before bedtime, I usually have no output until the next morning. Try to avoid things that will cause diarrhea. Do you wear a wrap around your pouch? I've been wearing women's tube tops to keep my bag in place and reduce the possibility of separation and or leakage. Don't laugh, they work great and much better for me than a belt. I usually buy the skin tone ones.

If your wife is indeed your soulmate and loves you, she will understand your situation and accept the problems that arise. None of us are perfect, and I'm sure she has her own issues. Maybe ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed and she was the one with cancer. I would hope you'd be there to support her as well, unconditionally. That's what marriage is about, after all, remember your vows.

Not too familiar with colostomies, but I know some find irrigation helps control and regularity, along with a plug. See your Stoma nurse asap... try different products. Good luck!