Well........here's one to brighten your day! A little background first.....being a short-gutter I change my barrier every other day, in the morning when I get up. I have a ritual to do this, as timing is everything in my world. I stop eating about 1:30am, then re-hydrate from 2:30 to 3:30am, then hit the sack around 4:30am. Then it's up at 7:15 or so, and on with my day. Because I’m basically bowel-less, what I do have for bowels empty quickly, and by 7:30am I typically get my first bile dump, indicating my bowels are completely empty. If I sleep past 7:30am I have to wait until my next bile dump, around an hour later at 8:30am before I can change my barrier. I'm lucky in that I get almost a full hour between bile dumps when things are quiet and I can change up my stuff. I've been using Coloplast's Mio Sensura Convex barriers and bags for about a week plus now, so I'm still getting used to the differences between these and my old Hollister stuff that I've used since day 1. The other piece to this story you need to know is that if I don't get to McDonalds by exactly 10:30am, the menu switches from breakfast to burgers. Hang on, I'll explain in a sec.
So this morning was my barrier change day. I ate a little longer than normal last night, and didn't re-hydrate.......so I woke up a couple pounds lighter, as to be expected. At 7:30am my output wasn't pure bile yet, so too unpredictable to try to change my barrier. So I fed and walked the pooch, let all the chickens and ducks out and fed the nags. Came in around 8:15am I still wasn't getting pure bile, but it seemed infrequent enough that I could get a barrier on. And I did....no problems. Then I had to make a few calls for work and realized it was 10:00am and I needed to head down to Mickey D's if I wanted that Sausage, Egg and Cheese McGriddle and apple pie. Since no one would see me, as I was only going to McD's and back, I just said screw it and left my sweats on and jumped in the car. On my way there I could feel I was having output, but nothing abnormal about that. I get there, get out of the car and go in to order my takeout. I place my order and wait for my food.
Now being short gutted I routinely check my bag with my right hand about every 10 minutes, especially with the smaller Coloplast bags. It felt fairly empty, so no need to use the rest room, just make my ORS with the Coke, Diet Coke and some salt packets, grab my food and go. I get back to my car and I look down on the ground next to my driver's side door and I notice a puddle of yellow goo. I was like WTF? Then it dawned on me that I remember having output on the way to McD's, and then felt the bag was pretty empty when I was inside ordering my food. At the time those two things didn't click as being a problem…..but now they did. So I'm staring at this puddle of yellow go and I look at my sweat pants, just below where my bag hangs.........and it's also streamed with yellow go. Again, I'm like WTF? Remember, for me my biggest fear is having my barrier leak during the day or night, as I don't get a break in my output to be able to change it easily. But I was sure it was sticking well, I tapped the full outside edge of the barrier with that awesome 3M Micropore tape....which never lets a leak past it....and then it hit me! I didn't roll up the bag closure and attach those two little velcro wings to keep it closed!!! I put my bag on and was walking around with it open for the past hour! That explained why I felt having output on the way there, but didn't feel like there was much in my bag inside the store. Cuz it all leaked out when I climbed out of my car when I got to Mickey D’s!!! Of course my sneaker was covered in yellow go, as was the outside edge of the door frame on my SUV. It made perfect sense, because closing the Coloplast bag was a difference in my barrier changing ritual that I'd been doing for years with my Hollister bags with their simple plastic clip. But what amazed me is no one in McDonalds looked at the mess on my pants and sneaker while I was in there. I would have noticed their eyes looking there.
So feeling like a complete dipshit.......I rolled up my bag closure, cleaned up as best I could and drove home......then cleaned my car door sill and put my clothes in the washing machine. I was really just glad it wasn't my barrier leaking and just me being stupid. So……….I’m hoping all of you are having a better start to your Monday than I did. And if not, maybe thinking of me standing in the parking lot of a McDonalds with shit running down his sweats and all over my sneaker will make your situation seem just a tiny bit better. I think in a previous life I was a court Jester! And NO, I didn’t take any pics!
See………..I told you only ostomates could appreciate this story!!
Y’all have a great day!