Dating After Stoma Bag: How Long Did It Take You?

Replies
15
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1289
Past Member
Dec 13, 2021 7:22 pm

Just wondering, how long after getting your stoma bag did you feel comfortable to start dating?

AlexT
Dec 13, 2021 7:42 pm

You're gonna get a lot of different answers because that's a very individual-specific topic.

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Past Member
Dec 13, 2021 10:54 pm

I still can't imagine dating, but I'm 65, had a colostomy 7 years ago. This forum was the first I imagined.

lovely
Dec 14, 2021 12:06 am

I think it would be up to each one. How comfortable would you be letting someone know you have a stoma bag? I can't really say much about this as I am out of the dating stage. It has been talked about a lot on this site. If you click "Collections" at the top of the page, then click on "Premium Content," there are a lot of articles about dating under "Intimacy & Relationships with an Ostomy." Hope this helps. Best wishes.

AlexT
Dec 14, 2021 12:37 am
Reply to lovely

Most of the people that view this site won't pay to view the premium content stuff.

 
Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister
lovely
Dec 14, 2021 12:43 am
Reply to AlexT

Alex, thanks for the info. I did not know you had to be a member to view that.

w30bob
Dec 15, 2021 3:57 pm

Hi cb,

The sarcastic answer to your question is......you'll be comfortable with dating when the person you're with finds out you have an ostomy and doesn't bolt out of the room screaming 'Holy crap...what was HE thinking!!". And when that does happen.........you won't be comfortable anymore.

Seriously, there is no good answer to that question, as I'm sure you're really aware. But you eventually have to test the waters or get used to being alone. And it might not go so well when you try, but nothing in this world worth having ever comes easy. Eventually you'll get to the point where you're comfortable in your own skin again regardless of what others think, and then rejection won't sting as bad. And the longer you wait the more f ^ked up the rest of the dating population becomes, as no one dies healthy. So the younger you are........the less understanding for your condition others your age will have. Experience equals wisdom..........so go get you some!!

;0)

Bob

AlexT
Dec 15, 2021 5:36 pm
Reply to lovely

The website owners would have three times as many members if they'd charge companies to sponsor the site and ask for donations, allowing members full access.

w30bob
Dec 15, 2021 7:01 pm

Alex,

The problem with that is then they're beholden to the sponsoring companies. That puts them in a very precarious position if one or more decides to reduce advertising (funding) and can also spell censorship to comments negative to one or all of the paying sponsors. It's a catch-22 for sure, no easy answer.

How much does it cost to join... I looked but couldn't find the subscription price anywhere.

;0)

Bob

AlexT
Dec 15, 2021 7:49 pm
Reply to w30bob

Not at all beholden to the companies, simply selling advertising space and contracts can be written as they see appropriate. Lifetime membership right now is $75. Then there's a couple cheaper options for less time. A lot of people that view this site are on fixed/limited incomes, spending the money (thinking they have to) to join could be the choice between paying this membership fee or using the money on something truly needed. Why do we get notifications when someone pays to be a premium member and told to check out their profile? For what, it's not like I (or any non-paying member) can contact them.

dmccrillis
Dec 19, 2021 3:34 am

I'm still waiting on that and it's been 6+ years. I honestly wish you the best and don't follow my steps.

2hotscot
Dec 20, 2021 12:52 am

I had my original colostomy in 1993 at the age of 18. I was already shy to begin with, so I didn't even have any intimate moments or a girlfriend until I was 23. But every woman I dated after that has had no problem with my ostomy (ileostomy now). I guess it depends more on the person you meet and start to get involved with. My opinion is to just jump right into the dating scene and wing it as you go. If you take the slow approach to relationship intimacy, you don't have to even mention you have an ostomy right away. You could wait for a second or third date and then bring it up once she gets to know you more. If you are inclined to jump into an intimate relationship sooner, I would bring it up before you decide to get intimate...not the night of. I'd bring it up during your first/second date or at the end of that date if you feel things are moving quickly.

Just my personal experience and opinion. :)

AlexT
Dec 20, 2021 1:27 am
Reply to 2hotscot

There's some pretty aggressive women out there nowadays (not that I would know), you better bring it up in the first 10 minutes or so.

Past Member
Jan 07, 2022 7:56 pm
Reply to AlexT

LOL

Past Member
Feb 07, 2022 11:36 am

I never liked 'dating' before I had an ostomy, so I'm sure I really wouldn't like it now.

I got my ostomy in March 2020, and I have hardly been out in public since (I guess partly due to COVID). So I guess, how am I supposed to meet anyone? LOL I think I'm scared of rejection now.

leannevscrohns
Dec 27, 2022 12:21 am

I am new - mine is temporary and only 6 months ago as an emergency so no mental prep time ... I have blogged throughout so generally if you know me, you know that I come with attachments. I would say that for the right person, I would be happy to date someone who is aware, supportive, and the right level of interested.