SECOND-GUESSING CAN BE A PAINFUL EXERCISE. You can’t go through life saying “what if?” without bringing unnecessary grief upon yourself. Maybe I shoulda, coulda, might’ve, whatever. This kind of self-flagellation is never healthy or helpful. Of course, when mentally unwinding our past, there are two ways to suffer: over stuff we did, or stuff we wish we did. “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time,” wrote Sidney J. Harris, “it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” What I’m suggesting is that you can avoid the “inconsolable” part by just moving on. Don’t be a Donald Trump over the 2020 election. “Don’t look back,” said Satchel Paige. “Something may be gaining on you.” We may be able to repeat history, but we can’t re-do history. Faulkner told us that the past is never really past, but we don’t have to wallow in our disappointments. Look forward; keep going; move on. It’s the future you can do something about, not the past.
I like what Neale Donald Walsch says about the past... The past is the past and has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with right now. Do not let anything from your past inhibit you in this present moment. Start over. Start fresh. Each day. Each hour, if it serves you. Heck, each minute. Just keep going.
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Geekyjen,
Thanks for the reply. I will be seeing my doctor on Friday and mention Entyvio. I did not remain paralyzed for more than 2 days, but it was terrible and I was so scared. The doctors just used alot of xanax and other drugs like that to UN paralyze my joints that were being attacked by the remicade. Turns out I have been diagnosed with LUPUS. It is attacking my nervous system. I had ulcerative colitis in 1996 and they had to remove my colon. Had a J pouch for 10 years, until it started failing. I then got a permanent iliosomy, and I suffer from severe chronic diareha, and I dehydrate frequently. I recently had a proctectomy, and that is when the new autoimmune disorder, Lupus, appeared. I have had two hospital stays now because of the blisters and the paralyzing incident. I will be dealing with this forever now. I have just been working on acceptance.
I love this website because of wonderful people like you!
Betty
I'll buy most of that, but not the idea that "the past has nothing to do with you." It has everything to do with you. It's what you're made of, it's what inhabits your memories, it's what made you what you are today. You just ought not dwell on it to the point that it controls or inhibits what you do now.
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Hello HenryM.
Thank you for another thoughtful and insightful post, which offers to me the opportunity to reply in-verse.
On this subject I am a bit spoilt for choice in terms of which rhymes to share either about the past the present or the future. However, in the interests of sequential reasoning, I will post two rhymes about ’the past’.
Best wishes
Bill
THE PAST.
The past is all that went before.
Long ago and times of yore.
Importantly it is now done.
It won’t come back for anyone.
But history repeats itself.
Not just from books upon the shelf.
It can be cruel and most unkind.
When it repeats within my mind.
Somehow my memories induce.
All past traumas and abuse.
My past comes back and will haunt me.
So I am never ever free.
In my past I was put upon.
Robbed of hope ‘till it was gone.
I was bullied and exploited.
With no fight and maladroited.
A flashback, vision or nightmare.
Are stark reminders it’s still there.
All that suffering and the pain.
Coming back time and again.
Although it happens when you’re young.
You grow up and you’re highly-strung.
Your ultra-sensitive to those things.
Within the traumas memory brings.
Unloved, unwanted and rejected.
Certainly was not respected.
How does one deal with all that shit.
Let alone get over it.
Well, I have found a way at last.
To put my traumas in the past.
I don’t look back but try instead.
To focus on the way ahead.
B. Withers 2012
(In: ‘Constructive Conversations Inversed’ 2012 p.300)
THE PAST 2.
The past is over, dead and gone.
So I won’t let it linger on.
The past is only history.
So I won’t let it get to me.
The future is a great transformer.
Changing views on former trauma.
All that past abuse you knew.
Is no longer any use to you.
Reflecting on experience.
Can right that frightful miscreance.
Now here’s the really clever bit.
You can clearly learn from it.
You will find it so supportive.
Reflecting on the positive.
The negatives will fade away.
And you will find a better way.
With all abuse placed in the past.
You can move along at last.
You will find you’re on a roll.
Once you start to take control.
Though rarely written in my rhymes.
Remember that there were good times.
Negatives come fast and cheap.
So positives are the ones to keep.
Move away from all the badness.
Thus avoiding future sadness.
Try to think it as a folly.
Wallowing in melancholy.
I’ll keep my future clear in sight.
And always try to do what’s right.
My past is over, dead and gone.
So I won’t let it linger on.
B. Withers 2012
(In: ‘Constructive Conversations Inversed’ 2012 p.301)
Being only 4' 11 1/2" tall, I try to live by the motto "onward and upward."
As they say, "short people maintain a great perspective on life because they are always looking up."
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Not that easy sometimes! The voices will always be there; you can only be selective about listening to them. On "Hidden Brain" podcast on KQED... right now, listening to it, the episode is about exactly that, the "voices" about regrets, etc., etc. This is a really great podcast and free! "Big Picture Science" is another. I get them on "Tune In" radio.
I recently had this "catastrophism" invade my mind! Worrying for weeks about something that was as likely to happen as me winning the billion-dollar lottery! The voices continued until it was resolved! Happy now!
I'm a day older today, so I have to make those birthday resolutions! Silence the voices!