Dating with an Ileostomy: Finding a Partner

What are the odds that a person with an ileostomy will find a woman partner?

100%. You just have to find that person.

"Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart and a smile on your lips. You will never walk alone."

Hmmmmm........well........it sort of depends if the person looking is a gal or a guy.......or something in between.  ;O)

Ok, seriously..........I'm not sure why everyone on here seems to think having an ostomy somehow sends you to the bottom of the barrel when it comes to the dating pool.  First off..........the 'dating pool' is more a swamp than a pool, and I'm not even going to explain that.........just think about it.  Now if you're young, things will be more difficult because younger folks are still very focused on physical attributes and haven't matured enough to figure out what's really important in life. It's not their fault; it takes time to understand what it's all about, but everyone eventually gets there.  But having an ostomy doesn't make you a poor choice for someone looking for a partner.  That becomes apparent as people start to realize no one dies pretty or in perfect health unless they're incredibly unlucky. 

What determines if you'll find someone or not is really more about who you are than what you are.  People feed off the vibes you give off about yourself.  If you're confident and have a great personality, that will take center stage and define you.  But if you make your ostomy take center stage and define you.........people will run from you.........it's really as simple as that.  You want to be a fantastic 'catch' that, oh by the way......just happens to have an ostomy......rather than some weird person who catches their crap in a bag taped to their waist.  

If you met a fantastic person and you guys really hit it off and just clicked........and then a month into the relationship they told you they had cancer.........would you run screaming from the room?  Of course not.  But how about if they told you they had cancer within 3 minutes of first meeting them?  Would you still give them the chance to show you how wonderful they are........or would you just mentally cross them off your list and move on?  You see where I'm going with this?  Your ostomy doesn't define you.  You define you.  And if that wonderful person did disappear when you did tell them..........guess what........they just did you a favor........because they weren't very wonderful after all.  Ostomates have to stop thinking that they're now someone different because they have an ostomy........you're still you.  If you were a great person before your shitbag........guess what........you're still a great person.  Of course, if you were an ass........odds are you still are an ass..........so no help there.  But don't use your ostomy as an excuse to not put in the effort to find someone worthwhile.  They're out there looking for you right now.  

So to answer your question.......the odds of you finding a woman partner (that you'll want to spend the rest of your life with) are no different whether you have an ostomy or not.  The odds depend solely on whether you were (and still are) a great catch.........or never were.  And neither of those has changed because of where shit comes out of your body.  When you meet the right person (who will realize that) it'll all come down to who you really are......not what's stuck to your waist.  

Why are you still reading?  Get out there and find her.........she's not going to fall into your lap!

;O)

From my own experience, I agree 100%. I have found two long-term partners in the 18 years I have had an ileostomy.

Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister

Hello Georges51.

I just love Bob's reply to this post as it is fairly comprehensive and rings true. However, I would like to add that 'finding' a partner is surely only the beginning of a potential longer-term relationship. for me, the essence of a successful relationship lies in the 'aims' we have within it. I have mentioned these several times in the past, but they are always worth repeating.

Bearing in mind that my knowledge about this came from my research into the relationships people have with their 'pets', it might also be worth contemplating that a pet is highly unlikely to be unduly influenced by whether a person has a stoma or not - they just 'love' us for the sake of it!

I'll throw in a rhyme at the same time!

Best wishes

Bill

         AIMS FOR TODAY
1.    To BE – THERE
2.    To be CONSISTENT
3.    To be HONEST, GENUINE & SINCERE
4.    To be NON-JUDGEMENTAL
5.    To LISTEN: Empathetically
6.    To keep things CONFIDENTIAL
7.    To ENABLE & EMPOWER (DIY process)
8.    To show POSITIVE REGARD (unconditional)
9.    To show RESPECT for INDIVIDUALITY
                                        FEELING & NEEDS
10.  To FOCUS CARING (according to my principles)

AIMS.
 

Sometimes caring and compassion
shows in someone’s inner passion,
which can evolve from having aims
that a person proudly claims. 

When a person’s truly kind,
this partly is a state of mind,
which often has a theory base
guiding their practice interface.

It’s good to have your aims right there
so you can show you really care,
and you can point to each facet
as a caring, sharing asset.

The aims we list should show we may
be kind to people every day, 
then, with our smiles and personal charm,
make sure that they don’t come to harm.

Some time ago I made a list
of aims, so people got the gist
of what my caring was about 
so, they would never be without. 

My list of aims was based upon 
the kindness, friendliness and bond
that’s found between people and pets,
for that’s the best that friendship gets. 

And once I sowed that seed in mind,
it grew into me being kind,
for that’s the way my pets taught me 
and that’s the way I want to be.

The thing about the aims I’ve got,
they have no devious, hidden plot,
so, bullies feel that I will not 
align with them, as a tosspot.  

                     B. Withers 2020

(In: B. Withers Be kind 2022)

Probably about the same odds as a person with no ileostomy -

Although many do, relationships should not be based on physical appearances.

Perfect answer!

Wise words by Bob and Bill, nice to approach any venture with confidence and optimism, especially such a delicate one. However, I would be fooling myself if I thought that my chances of bagging a girl were just as good after the bag as they were before it. Even the grandest Casanova or what they call a lady-killer would be hampered by it. Realizing your limitations and then finding your way around them would lead to a better result. We all know some short and unattractive men who have beautiful wives and companions; perhaps the size of their wallets or some other hidden attribute has something to do with it. The reaction of the young lady in question to the news of your predicament is the most important. Some far-sighted ones would overlook it and concentrate on your worth as a person; some others would reject you out of hand. C'est la vie. Best wishes and the best of luck to all those presently engaged in this search.

After getting my life-saving ostomy, I thought the odds of meeting 'my person' were low. Not just because of my ostomy but also my age. But once I accepted the way things are now, my outlook changed. A friend once said it would weed out the 'bad' ones, and it did. Be open to possibilities. Your soulmate is waiting for you. ❤️❤️❤️

If you have accepted your ostomy yourself, it's guaranteed you will meet someone when the time is right. Most problems are caused by the one with the ostomy pushing people away; some do it on purpose, others without realizing they're doing it. I've had an ostomy all of my adult life; it's never been a problem. In my younger days, there may have been a few occasions when there wasn't time to tell them I had one, lol, but it wasn't a problem.

100 percent...you are still who you are, just with a bag...stay confident, stay true, she will come to you....

Those who walk away are missing out and will have regrets....

Stay strong and carry on.

The only obstacle is the person you are trying to have a relationship with. If they can't love you for your great personality and warm heart, then they are not for you. It takes a mature person to have full understanding and see you for who you are and not what you have. I compare this to the person with loads of money but trying to find the person who is true and not greedy. Both situations are trying to find a compassionate person. I have done it in my 20s, in my 40s, and in my 50s. Age is not going to make a difference. What makes the difference is finding a mature person who looks on the inside and not the outside. Mike

Beautifully articulated!

I don't believe in soul mates. I mean, what if my soul mate is an 88-year-old Eskimo woman? Ain't happenin'.

😂😂 That's good. However, if that's your soulmate, I guess you'll learn to like Eskimo pies. 😁🤭 With an 88-year-old, you could probably get an original…..
🔒 Login to see image
What were you people thinking about? 😁

Gentlemen:

I think the term you should be using is Inuit. I won't even comment on your remarks. Just saying ... K

Right you are. Thank you for the correction.

Bruce