This is less of a question and more of a need to write this out to feel better.
I am not doing well.
I was surprised in December to wake up to a reality that included an ostomy, something I was unprepared for and was a total shock.
My body is healing, my family is amazing, my work is accommodating but I am not well.
I practice zazen, I walk, I eat, I joke, play music and I laugh but I am not well.
I dream of my time in the hospital but I can't recall most of it during waking hours, lots of body horror, always my own. I know the old saying of "time heals all", the problem is that time is different for each of us. Blah. I assume this is hard for all and I am nothing new, I see it's a huge community, but I still feel like I am the only one that has this, I needed to "voice" this.