GRATITUDE

BACK TO CONCEPTS RELATING TO LIFE'S JOURNEY:
The next mini-model links with all the previous ones but extends then to cover the concepts of 'drift', aims, choices and plans.
I draw a 'route-map' graphic of the journey between birth and death with lots of binary junctions where there is a choice between following the 'right' path or the left(wrong). The discussion surrounding this graphic reiterates some of the concepts already illustrated but goes on to make the point that if you have (or create) destinations, goal, aims along a path to the ultimate destination then the journey tends to become more functional, bearable and sometimes even more 'enjoyable'. If there are no mini-destinations, then there is likely tom be 'drift' and the journey becomes chaotic, overwhelming, going around in circles etc.
The left-hand route represents dysfunction and the right represents functionality. If the person is already embarked upon the dysfunctional path it is usually because they have, for some reason chosen, or been obliged to make the wrong choices in the direction of their journey. If they prefer to be emotionally functional rather than dysfunctional, then I can point out that by THINKING about being more functional as an aim or goal, then they will begin to make choices that will take then from the left hand path across to the 'right' path.
The concepts and directions are not dogmatic and do not restrict the freedom to change direction if one sees a more preferred direction.
This concept has direct links with the concepts of Self-Organised Living And Reflecting (SOLAR) and the management of counterbalance. However, for those who want a more detailed, reasoned and complex illumination of the same concept, there has been a lot written about Management By Objectives (MBO), which can be a useful tool for those in business to understand and warm to this concept.
Best wishes
Bill

You too, Bill. Thanks for responding, Angelica Marie.

Hi Bill and Angelicamarie. Thank you so very much for comforting words and important reminders. I would encourage everyone reading this to please give a chance to putting thoughts before acting on emotions. I wasn't sure I would figure out how to find a way to do it but I can sometimes and it's brought me such a wonderful feeling of stability in difficult times. Bill, I think this method of reading the theories and concepts in very small doses is absolutely fortunate. The time between pondering how to think in a new way is beneficial to me. Thoughts are constantly banging around up there, bashing into walls and trajecting (my word) on paths that seem to have nothing to do with the original course. Organization by what I have learned is easier to do because I can keep going back to concepts that you laid out very clearly. And I'm not overwhelmed or extra confused by too much information too soon that I didn't grasp. Maybe everyone even thinks at a different pace. Thank you for your generosity of time and patience and for continuing to share the theories. I had such a lovely visit with my friends at the Hospice yesterday. I think I did some TEA. I think I hit my aim of acting more like a service dog than an emotional catalyst?? My thoughts were very analytical before I walked into the room. Things made sense.
More later. Sorry, I'm in the midst of a very unexpected volume of sick friends. I have a lot more thoughts to share once I can organize them. Regarding your posts referring to your "writing life," Bill. It's fascinating. I mean, I'm sort of stunned. Yours isn't the type of story one hears of ever really. I think your brain power is beyond unique! It's... well, it's... fascinating.
All the best to you!
Andrea

Hello Lemonlimeviolet.
Thank you so much for posting a reply as I look forward to reading them very much. I is so interesting to read how someone is getting along with the theories at a practical level. Usually this happens in vocal conversational form but it is just as potent when you write a bout it as you obviously have a good grasp of what's going on and you explain yourself very well.
'Making sense' is really what it is all about and you seem to be doing just great in that department. If you can THINK about the scenario before you enter into it (like the hospice) then you can be infinitely more useful to the patients than if you act emotionally, because then the patients feel they have to cater for your emotional needs as well as their own. The 'Aims for today' list was precisely as you describe the service dog approach. The entire exercise focuses attention on the best relationship that can be achieved and that is one between the emotional 'pet' and it's human partner. I look forward to hearing some more of your thoughts as and when you find the time to write.
As for my 'writing life', I don't think it really shows unique brain power as I believe that almost everybody has a powerful and unique brain - (most of them are underusing theirs). What is perhaps unique to me, is that I have had to Self- Organise my life with little help from those who should have been 'there'. However, this lack of outside help and support has motivated me to formulate my theories surrounding SOLAR (Self-Organised Living And Reflecting) so it can't be all bad! It also helped me to 'make-sense' of the way the education system and other societal systems decide that people who think differently should be brought into line or punished. However, that is a wholly different set of theories which would probably confuse the conversation we are engaged in at present, so I'll stick to the 'emotional control' set first.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill and Angelicamarie,
A fantastically positive uplift that has happened as a result of practicing the concepts I've learned here so far is a significant decrease in "being exhausted". I mention this because after the first 2 or 3 days attempting to conjure logical thoughts before I acted on the emotions I was experiencing, I had posted here that I "felt exhausted". Well, the opposite is starting to happen. I was at the hospice last night until midnight, and when I woke up this morning as I started to think about my day and plan some sequencing options for possible scenarios with my friends, kids, and husband, I felt a little weary and (maybe "fell in a hole?") and considered it might just be easier just for one day... to skip this business of "planning TEAs" and "take the day off".
But almost as soon as I considered that, it occurred to me that the "stressful" times had been going so much more smoothly lately, so why mess with success? So I thought some more about how in particular "being nonjudgmental" when the conversation got weird or heavy last night - not only helped me feel balanced - but it sure didn't hurt the atmosphere in the room with my friends either. Our dying friend isn't "awake" anymore, but he can still hear us. They say that is the last thing to go. And I wasn't being "holier than thou". I really "aimed" for "service dog" responses. I'm going to use the name "Marley" for my role model for 10 daily aims. Acting like Marley feels really nice. It doesn't feel like a martyr or a "know-it-all".
That whole "conversation" with myself made me feel more capable and strong. Not exhausted in the least! Curious to me always is how to stop myself from sabotaging progress made. What incites us to start digging that damn hole? What's the possible payoff? Ah...maybe it doesn't matter one lick! Maybe there's never going to be an answer to that. The reason for the hole doesn't matter as long as you can pop out of it?
I'm not actually identifying "holes" properly yet - but a good outcome from considering this concept nonetheless.
Thank you for the kind words about my posts because sometimes I am embarrassed by the volume of "I, I, I's" and "me, me, me's". One hope is that the personal graphics help illustrate the benefits of this fascinating process.
SOLAR is a proven method for emotional balance. I agree with the saying "necessity is the mother of invention" (is that a cliche?) So logically then "necessity" is the principal thing. But...depending on the circumstances....and in your case...also heartbreaking.
All the best to you,
Andrea

Hello Lemonlimeviolet.
I have to make a correction to my reasons for liking the concept of 'Marley'. Coincidentally, the question arose on a quiz show the minute I finished writing my post. The book 'Marley and me' was in fact about a Labrador - not a Jack Russell. The book I mistook it for was 'DUDLEY - the worst dog in the world'. Sorry for the misinformation but it's been a long time since I read it and my memory isn't what it used to be. Or rather it is - as my memory has always been dreadful. Just as well I' able to 'think' things out and not rely so much on memory.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill and Angelicamarie,
Thank you so much for reading this but please skip over and move on whenever your mind finds an interesting or worthy topic or distraction. It's been a tough week. Cancer is everywhere in my life. Rotten luck in too many directions.
Logical arguments are actually a big passion of mine and I'm very interested in the theory of permeable boundaries. I work for a hospital system in Wisconsin writing appeals for insurance denials on inpatient claims. And man do I ever love to win. Maybe it paints a picture of me as a competitor but I can assure you I have zero interest in "winning" unless I can beat a giant asshole trying to screw us out of $750 when their CEO brings home $116 million. I know how to identify, fight, and win against their invalid arguments.
I get that there is a flip side to the coin....and face value (reflection) is often deceiving. Good and bad. Every single situation is unique.
In life....in important relationships, what stumps me...what evades me...is the 'other side of the coin'. Even though I know it's there...I don't see what it is.
Thank you so much Bill. You help always...you encourage and compliment and above all share such valuable ideas. In a short time I've learned much. I can tell the contributions I've made in the past 5 days to my friends and family have been more comforting than I ever could have managed previously. It's such a big deal to me to have been given this gift. In the past I've tried and buggered it up miserably with "advice" or perspective that came across as a 'know it all'.
(I was visiting my husband's best mate today - in hospital with a worsening lymphoma and I actually cocked my head to the right and blinked my eyes like a cocker spaniel (in companionship) when I had no possible useful response to bad news!)

And there is a "real" Marley in my life! My son's 2-year-old golden retriever/standard poodle. He is named after Bob Marley! He was a little puppy and best friend to me when I came home from the hospital with my ostomy. Shy and suspicious of humans in general... we became fast friends almost immediately and even though we are now separated by a couple of thousand miles... when fortune brings us together it's like we've never been apart! He's a poster boy for 10 daily aims!! He truly is.
All the best to you,
Andrea

Hello Lemonlimeviolet.
Thanks for posting. Far from skipping over any of your writing, I am keen to read every word so that I can absorb the essence of what you say in order that I may understand where your emotional journey has been and where you are now. Visualising the other side of the coin can be difficult for many people until they are actually looking straight at it, but then it is just looking at the mirror image again and not looking through or past it. For now, please just read about these concepts as perhaps being interesting, rather than being something that you should 'master' as a skill. When I have shown you the whole set of 24 I will start to explain how you can have a 'constructive conversation' with yourself which will help to look at things from all sorts of different perspectives. However, the introductory ideas are important to help get you into the right frame of mind for more complex theories later. Also, the more complex theories are in fact simple common-sense so there is no need to worry about not understanding them. It's just that I like to refer back to the models when the questioning starts so it is useful if you have an understanding of those first because they become a sort of shorthand, rather than going through the explanations again.
If you have been part of the process of helping people with claims. then it is no wonder that you are picking up on the concepts so quickly. You will already have the basic skills to think these things through, so in your case, it is probably only a matter of applying the skills you already possess to new situations where you have not applied them before. (maybe because emotions get in the way)You probably have already experienced the phenomenon where it seems much easier to fight for what is right when you are doing it for someone else's benefit. However, it becomes infinitely harder when you are doing it for yourself. The reason for this is usually because focussing on your own circumstances introduces emotions into the equation and it gets in the way of logical thinking. The 'advice-givers' or 'teachers' as I like to call them, often evoke a negative reaction from the listener because they are 'telling' people, rather than encouraging them to think it through for themselves. At the risk of drifting over to theories on education, I believe that 'EDUCTION' is a more effective approach when it comes to emotional issues. 'Eduction' is a defined as a process of 'drawing out'. For this to work we need to believe that people already know the questions and the answers and don't need 'teaching'(Telling) What they need is someone who will listen empathetically enough to draw those questions and answers out from the individual so that 'telling' becomes superfluous.
The 10 'Aims for today' is one of the most effective techniques for assisting this process as they are fundamentally based on what the likes of 'Marley' does within their relationships with humans. They act the part of a true 'friend'. You may be interested to know that much of my research work was done looking at the relationships between humans and their pets, SO I'm REALLY PLEASED THAT YO HAVE GRASPED THE VERY RELEVANT CONNECTION BETWEEN HOW PETS RELATE and how humans 'could' relate, if only they acted like pets. (who incidentally, do not verbalise their communications in words - which can also get in the way sometimes when trying to help practically with emotions!)
I'll keep posting the concepts/mini-models but urge you not to get bogged down with them in your thinking.
Best wishes
Bill

Helo Lemonlimeviolet.
As pointed out in the above post, this might be a good point at which to pause and reflect upon all the mini-models, just to make sure that at least some of them are still relevant. The mini-models that follow will all be leading towards enabling you to perceive the importance of logical thinking when you are engaged in that all-important activity of having internal conversations about what is useful and what is not.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill,
All of it is relevant. I'm having trouble writing my responses back because I want them to be organized and maybe helpful in some way to you, but I'm just too immersed in thought and learning this. I am having a great deal of fun reading and thinking about every concept. Wish I could drive up to my sister's cabin and spend time alone rereading and outlining my thoughts on paper.
Really been thinking about the basic Darwinian approach to instinct of freezing. I won't be able to be eloquent in my explanation here. But "being there" is a quiet positive feeling. Not unlike freezing, it doesn't take much action at all. Very similar outward appearance, but the construction of what's behind it...the feeling inside...the control...the peace and stability...it's a whole new ballgame.
I love this stuff. I could and do read it again and again. I'm happy to see this website saves these posts for years. Thank you very much.
All the best,
Andrea

I also just wanted to say that I do think that when individuals find emotional and physical balance, they are implementing your concepts to some degree. They just don't know what they are doing. And we don't know how to repeat the good stuff that works out almost by accident. Your discovery and organization of the data/information is like an alphabetical system. Building blocks. I've alluded to it before, but it's like this emotionally balanced way of life has been just out of our grasp. It's not hard to learn. It's just different.

Hello Andrea.
Thanks again for your comments as they are right on the ball. It is like you say .most of the concepts describe what normal, emotionally functional people do all the time, without giving it a second thought.
This is because the practical aspects of all these things were learned at such an early age (below 5yrs) that they did not even know they were 'learning' it. When adults need to learn or re-learn this stuff, they often have the unfortunate handicap where they need to unlearn the habits that have inhibited their emotional development. In order to progress emotionally, adults need be convinced that reverting back to basics is actually the way forward. However, they also need to have those basics explained in such a way that it does not really feel like learning something new but simply drawing out of themselves stuff that was so obvious that they had not pieced it all together in a sequence that made sense.
I used to describe the process as a bit like playing the piano. Everybody knows all the notes are there, it just takes a bit more skill to put them in the right order to produce an acceptable tune. Sometimes I liken it to the dictionary, where we have all the words that need putting in the right order to make a story.
Some of the next few mini-models are more difficult to explain without the 'napkin graphics', so I might try to get around this by posting them as photos on my profile. Where necessary, I will give that a try to see how it works out.
Please do not worry too much about whether your replies are well organised because your raw thoughts are extremely valuable in helping to understand what cognitive and emotional effects the models are having at the times they are delivered.
It's not unlike my comment s to newbies about their stoma experiences. It's all very well reading comments from people who have had stomas for a long time but there is an invaluable added dimension in the comments from those who still express their raw emotions in an unadulterated way.
I look forward to hearing just a few words from you about your initial reactions on each of the mini-models and, if there is anything at all that occurs to you which will make them more dynamic for newbies, I would be really pleased to incorporate your ideas for future expositions.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill!
I found the napkin graphics! Thanks so much. It may take me days before I sort my thoughts
on concepts 8 through 11. First time visiting the profile page on this (or any) website. Not for lack of interest! I tend to feel like a bit of a voyeur though - and I'm not a particularly shy person but I feel shy about websites. Gorgeous Poodles. Lucky you!
I've still been circling around "degrees of reflection" and "permeable boundaries".
I'm reminded of a film titled "Hocus Pocus", it's a Disney film for Halloween - the story goes...3 old hag witches snatch children and force them to drink a vial of magic potion. The potion's effect is to transform the children into an "essence"... and then the witches inhale the smoky essence and transform into younger more beautiful women. The children die. (Disney creeps me out MOST of the time).
Your concept of permeable boundaries brought this story to mind. How being permeable and knowing others are permeable (degrees of reflection - for oneself and others) and directing our actions considering this concept is sort of critical to achieving stability and hopefully fostering stability in others. Considering that vulnerability is a byproduct of permeability, it lends a hand to another daily aim "being empathetic".
Here's a personal story that illustrates "permeable boundaries" for me. One high-intensity afternoon, my pregnant daughter headed out for yet another home inspection. She had been living with us for a few months while in the process of buying her first home. She's only been gone 10 minutes and my cell buzzed. The tire we'd been asking her to have repaired - the one with the nail stuck through - blew a flat, and she was stuck on the side of the road.
I flew out to meet her, and emotions were riding high. I just switched cars with her, gave her my car - she went on to make her appointment at the house, and I stayed behind to fix the flat.
But this is what we found out later - after talking and laughing about the whole ludicrous experience. On my way to meet her, I had (planned, decided, thought out) that I would speak softly, be kind, and take control. My instincts kicked in - I saw an emotional conflict as a bigger problem than figuring out what to do with an out-of-commission automobile. At the same time, my daughter had planned out that a few quiet tears and distraught actions would elicit a protective response in her mom. She said she knew the emotional atmosphere was the biggest possible obstacle to achieving what we only had about 10 minutes to accomplish! The story ended well - the house passed inspection (she lives there now!) and I was the lucky recipient of the kindness of strangers. A big rig driver pulled over and changed the tire for me. Thanks Mike from Todd Transit wherever you are!
Again - not probably applying the concept accurately - but I'm still having fun - it feels like "thought architecture"....
Best wishes,
Andrea

Hello Andrea. Thanks for the post and some interesting stories. I'm always having a look at people's profiles as they give a different perspective on the person than their photos. I've taken to selecting a photograph at random from the ones at the top of the screen, thinking about what my first reaction/gut-feelings /emotions/assumptions are about this person, then going into their profile to see how wrong I was.
I find that it is a salutary reminder that I am still prone to being affected by instincts but it is also good practice for managing them without anybody else being aware that I'm doing so.
What you have probably gathered from my writing is that most of these mini-models originated in discussions (in cafes) with individuals who had specific problems. It is 'them' who I thank for the ideas and I would only take some of the credit for stringing them all together. I wanted to tell you this because I have just come across another mini-concept That would lend itself to a simple graphic and a written or verbal accompanying explanation. That mini-model will be called 'thought architecture', so thank very much for that!! As soon as I've worked it out, I will post it so that you can see how helpful your thinking will be to the next set of participants in this process.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill,
That is very exciting for me! Thank you! I can't wait to read it!
I just finished a long response here and for some reason it disappeared. My post is a ghost! (I know you like rhymes - and I can honestly say that's the first one I've written in forever).
I need to start my day so I'll retype my thoughts later. Sorry - it's been happening to me the past 3 days. Takes forever to actually get a post submitted.
All the best to you and yours,
Andrea

Hello Andrea.
I've managed to draft a mini-model for 'Architecture' and hopefully I will be able to post the writing on her and the napkin graphic on my profile for you to see. These models are only ever in draft form and can be changed to suit the circumstances of each individual so, if you think anything ought to be changed, then feel free to contribute and I will accommodate your contributions in the next draft.
I too have had several posts disappear from this site or even before the have been posted so if I intend to write a lot, I tend to draft it in MS Word first, then cut and paste it here. At least that way I know I will still have the original somewhere.
Best wishes
Bill

Bill! This is beautiful. I'm smiling because you so generously named it "Andrea's" but seriously all I did was spout out two words that kick-started another of your deeply insightful descriptive concepts. I was just grabbing at all the new "workable" things I am learning and likened the process (in a loose generalizational way) to architecture.
This concept is well done. In a previous post, I mentioned my sister is an architect? So all of your principles for this concept are well known to me. I've heard a lot of stories on each one through the years. It's uncanny really!
After my first couple of read-throughs...I have no suggested changes. My goodness, I could not be that arrogant. Thank you for writing this! It's awfully generous of you. I can't believe you created this in one day. Sometimes I think creativity just seeps out the pores of the gifted. The rest of us play catch up. And aren't we the lucky ones?
All the best,
Andrea

I'd like to discuss an emotional phenomenon that's been on my mind and that I think is interesting. So first, I just want to say how incredibly great it is to be accepted for what I post here. Thank you.
Polarization.
Interdependence.
When emotional energy is on the rise in both partners in a relationship, it occurs independently (of course) and is "fed" on both sides by whatever instincts are fired up or currently "fertilized"...the fire of the fertilizer is unbeknownst to the partner... but the escalation process is no secret....both parties know it is occurring but the expression (release of pressure) is interdependent and it plays out in a curious manner sometimes, and it's hard to plan an emotional strategy when I don't understand why this happens:

Here's the scene: Sue is worried about a friend and she is crabby. Bob is worried too but more so concerned for Sue's distress. So he "makes nice". It doesn't change Sue's disposition...she is still in a bad mood and acting grumpy...downright unreasonable. Bob tries to soothe the storm again and is met with escalating frustration and anger from Sue. Finally, Bob blows up. There's that moment of peak dual emotional explosion. Then Sue calms down and the day moves on in a more balanced fashion. Why the heck didn't she calm down when her partner was trying to be calm instead of when he blew up too??

Sorry, I didn't mean to be greedy for specific answers!!! Please move on as you see best and I'll be reading.
Thank you.
Andrea

Hello Andrea.
Thank you for your posts and compliments even though they are not quite representing the true story. I did not 'create' it in a day. The basic ideas behind the concepts have been swimming around for years and just needed the prompt that YOU PROVIDED, for the concept to be formulated in the way that it was. I gave a lot of thought as to how to draw a mini-model to illustrate the relevance of 'constructive conversations' and whilst pondering on what would be a good graphic I have already talked many times about the importance of a firm foundation and the basic building blocks for emotional development. It was your comment that provided the impetus to design the graphic as presented, so of course you deserve recognition. --I'll reply to your other posts separately so that the ideas don't get mixed.
Best wishes
Bill

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to comment upon the cameo that causes you to consider what is happening in this relationship. The scenario you describe is not at all unusual when two or more people are in close proximity to each other either in terms of space or emotional attachment. There has been a great deal of very good stuff written about 'attachment theory' which may be relevant but I would like to try to focus on the emotional energy aspects. Unfortunately, such a simple cameo holds within it a whole range of emotional stuff that is difficult to unravel without a long-winded complex explanation. I will try to keep it as simple as possible but please bear in mind that relationships are rarely ever 'simple'.
Firstly, the business of emotions arising within each individual is perfectly plausible and I 'almost' always focus on the individual taking responsibility for managing their own emotions and not trying to manage other people's as well. However, this is not to diminish the importance of interaction with others on any dimension. Very often, the build-up of emotional pressures is due to unresolved emotional issues from way back in childhood (long forgotten). The frustrations involved in each small repetition of unresolved issues tends to be accumulative because one unresolved issue adds to the next. The accumulate nature of this process is often imperceptible to the person who is affected by it so they feel that the frustrations are the result of things that are happening 'in the moment' rather than the past. I prefer that people do not try to analyse too deeply these past events because they are not really important in themselves, to remedy the present problem. However, it is useful to be aware that the past can still have an influence on the present. You say that the partner is unaware of what is 'fertilizing' or fanning the fire of emotions. My contention is that sometimes the person themselves is not fully cognisant of everything that is influencing this process. It is then, of course, difficult to plan a LOGICAL-Thinking strategy for controlling the emotions, especially when you are only at the beginning of the learning process in this area.
I'm copying your cameo her to remind us both :
Heres the scene: Sue is worried about a friend and she is crabby. Bob is worried too but more so concerned for Sue's distress. So he "makes nice". It doesn't change Sues disposition...she is still in a bad mood and acting grumpy...downright unreasonable..,Bob tries to soothe the storm again and is met with escalating frustration and anger from Sue..,finally Bob blows up. There's that moment of peak dual emotional explosion. Then Sue calms down and the day moves on in a more balanced fashion. Why the heck didn't she calm down when her partner was trying to be calm instead of when he blew up too??
Let's take it bit by bit:
Sue is 'worried' ( worry/ anxiety is a form of 'fear' - which is an emotion.)
Sue does not implement a strategy to manage/control this emotion, possibly because she feels it is appropriate to 'worry' in the circumstances. Nonetheless, if the emotion is not managed, the pressure will build.
Sue's reaction to this emotional pressure is to be 'crabby'(irritable)which is a combination of several identifiable emotions such as resentment, anger, hurt, helplessness etc. which in turn, 'add' to the original 'worry/fear' so the pressure keeps building.
Meanwhile: Sue is interacting with Bob;
Bob begins with 'worry' - an emotion that he is also not controlling sufficiently to neutralise the pressure. Almost the same process of pressure building is happening with both parties to the interaction and neither party knows how to 'control' the pressure until it is 'released' in an 'uncontrolled-outburst'.
What sue considered to be Bob's effort at being calm was probably Bob mirror-imaging her own emotional state.
This phenomenon is easier to spot when it is not immediately relevant to the two people concerned so I usually use the analogy of the dog owner with their show-dog. What happens is that there is a transfer of uncontrolled energy from one to the other and neither knows what is going on. In the dog-world it is called 'down the lead' because whatever is worrying the owner seems to get transferred to the dog with consequential mirror-imaging in behaviour.
Sue's genuine 'concern' for her friend is admirable but would not help anybody by advancing it into being a 'worry/fear'. Whatever problem the friend had, will not resolve itself by someone else worrying about it. However, to convert the 'concern' into a logical-thinking strategy, that might lead to suggestions for helping to resolve the friend's problem could also help to divert the Emotion of 'worry' into the Thinking process before the pressure builds up.
Like any other problem in life, if one can recognise the signs and symptoms early on in the process, they tend to be easier to deal with, than if the pressure builds to high and is only dissipated by an explosion.
I hope this helps, as it is so important to keep practicing emotional control through thinking at every opportunity. The fact that you are now thinking through what happened might be enough to divert you next worry into a thinking process before it gets out of hand. It's early days, but I feel sure you will have it mastered in no time.
However, I cannot really comment on Sue's partner, as he did seem to try to keep things calm at first but then got too frustrated (which is a precursor to emotion.) My guess is that he was not using that period of initial calm to THINK and divert his attention from his own 'worry/emotion'. so, this allowed the pressure to build within him as well.
Just a thought!
Best wishes
Bill

Andrea.
I did not like to put this comment on the last post because it might be a bit of a distraction and it's probably hard enough to follow all the concepts without anything that might put you off. However, it is perhaps worth pointing out that 'love' is an emotion which for many people is just as much out of control as any of the other emotions. It often does not feel that way because it tends to be a pleasurable experience, which people like to just let run its natural course. However, Emotional/instinctual 'love' can be just as frustrating and dysfunctional as any other wayward emotion. This is partly the reason for developing a Thought-out (T) version of a really good, functional kind of love, that does not relay on Emotions. Tis concept is encapsulated in my 'Aims For Today' - which I've already posted.
I mention the Emotional love, as being potentially uncontrolled. because in your cameo, it struck me that when two people are very close, they sometimes rely on 'love' to see them through. Unfortunately, if they don't have control over this emotional energy, then it can be just as powerfully dysfunctional as any other Emotion--anger and hate spring to mind.
Sometimes it is not enough to simply 'love' someone, What is needed is rational, well Thought out strategies to deal with the testing times appropriately and adequately, before they develop into an uncontrolled set of actions which make it difficult for participants to extricate themselves from.
For those people who talk about sliding into a black hole. I try to show them that the trick is to recognise these holes long before they start sliding down into them. By spotting them from a distance the individual will have an opportunity to avoid the holes altogether and choose a different route.
Best wishes
Bill

Hello Andrea.
It is becoming apparent that posting the napkin-graphics on my profile as photos also puts them on the main site's photo page. This seems to me to be a little over the top and inappropriate. I would therefore ask you if there is any way you could copy and paste the napkin-graphics onto your own computer for your personal future reference, so that I can delete them from my profile. If not, then we will simply have to ask other readers on the site to be tolerant as this is the only way that I can get the graphics displayed at present.
Best wishes
Bill

Hi Bill,
I'm on an iPad and couldn't quickly figure out how to copy and paste, so I drew up the napkin graphics myself. Much more useful activity to me in pursuit of emotional control than conquering a tech application new to me. Go ahead and delete them from your profile. Thanks so much for letting me know and giving me the opportunity to hang onto the graphics.
More later.
Best wishes,
Andrea

Bill,
Thank you for the explanations and new concept posting. I'll be deciphering and organizing my thoughts for several days and then will post after I devote more time to this activity. I need to handwrite stuff down and then post when I've got it the way I'd like it to be.
Thanks for your help!
Andrea

Hello Andrea.
That's great. I will leave the graphics on until I'm sure you have read them before I take down the photos.
Best wishes
Bill

I'm here. Reading.
And thinking.
Evaluating ....
Thank you for sharing these (your) beautiful concepts. Please keep going if you are okay to do so.
Andrea

Concepts 12 and 13 are very emotional-

Sorry, I'm not able to respond in detail yet....