A Hard Week

Hi friends. Well, it's been a hard weekend. I was so excited for my colostomy reversal, and now everything in my life is up in the air... I discovered a strange skin growth in an area that is hard to see, so I'm not sure if it's new or I just never noticed. Luckily, I had my annual skin check and mammogram scheduled for Dec 22 (I scheduled them both last January because it's so hard to get in). The dermatologist immediately removed the growth and said she did not like the looks of it. So I am awaiting pathology on that. Then I got a MyChart letter that a small mass was seen in one breast in my mammogram, and I need an ultrasound. I know people say, 'don't worry, you don't know anything yet'... but for someone who has already had cancer like me, it's all terrifying. I know I probably have PTSD from my colon cancer diagnosis, but I don't know how to stop worrying and regret going in right before the holidays. As someone who, up until the beginning of this year, only ever went in for my annual physical and preventative tests like mammograms, I am exhausted by the ordeal I've just been through with the colostomy, emergency surgery, etc., and I am beside myself thinking of what these tests could reveal. Please send some positive vibes my way... I could sure use them. So hard to concentrate on work! Thanks all. I hope you all enjoyed your holiday.

Hi DexieB, my name is Linda, nice to meet you. Breathe in through your nose, hold, breathe out through your mouth slowly and repeat. When I had my first mammogram, I had to have an ultrasound… Cysts full of fluid behind my nipples. I was scared to death; I thought I would have to have my breasts cut off… I did not, but never in my life did I think I would have rectal cancer. We all don't know what God has in our plan of life. I believe in God, not sure if you do, if not I am sorry for this part of my conversation, please forgive me. I do not believe in the middleman or the building. If God truly exists, he sees and hears me every day and he's my judge, not the middleman or the building. I have almost died 7 times. It is not my time to go yet, as the oncologist has just informed me my blood counts are as good as he'd like, so he had me get a PET scan and it showed a possible recurrence of cancer. This will be the second time. The first was when I was to have a reversal and could not. I now have a permanent colostomy. I am waiting on the biopsy report. I feel so good and I am being so positive, a grandbaby coming in January. In my mind, I say, how is this possible? But it's life and we have to take it one day at a time. Little baby steps, keep your head up, be positive and just remember you have a certain colorectal doctor and he will make sure he does everything in his power to take care of whatever comes up. My friend told me we all have a story. It's gonna be OK, just make sure to do your breathing exercises and be positive. If you wanna talk, can be about anything, please send me a message. Take care. Be safe. My prayers have you placed in them.

Hi Dexie!

I know exactly how you feel. I have dealt with this my entire adult life. Until definitive confirmation is obtained via pathology, you can't let this consume your thoughts.

What I've learned: If possible, seek a second pathological analysis of your tissue sample. Even if you get good news! You need assurance the results are correct from multiple professionals. As I've discovered, you need to be your own advocate, even to the point of being a pain in the ass.

I had stage 4 thyroid cancer at 25, resulting in 6 major surgeries over the years, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy. I learned to let it go... the worry about every test, every doctor's comment. Example: I once had a vascular surgeon call my wife and me in for a consult after he removed a cancerous mass from my clavicle. "Sorry," he intoned, "I can't offer you any hope." My poor wife just "lost it." I told him, "I know the cancer I have, you're wrong." It took a few years, but I was proven correct... I'm still here.

Most everyone at my work knows my story. I struggled to work every day back when I was undergoing chemotherapy. Bald-headed, frail... but determined. I've been asked many times, "How do you remain calm waiting for test results?" Well, I don't worry about what "could be, or might be." I live for the moment. And I don't let anything get me down.

Enjoy your life now, as it is. Until proven otherwise... you're good to go.

Take care, Dexie.

I, like you Dexie, hadn't been to a doctor for anything for God only knows how long before I got diagnosed with rectal cancer. IMO, the first and most important thing you must do is put your mind in the right place. Whether good or bad, you can't control what's going on with your body right now. However, starting at this moment you can put your mind into positive thinking and start enjoying every day, making any negative thing less impactful. When you get the… why me Lord thoughts going, remember this… YOU ain't the only one going through this and there are many more going through much, much worse. Control what you can, adjust to what life throws at you, and smile from the moment you get up till you fall asleep at night. Negativity and worrying are just wasted energy that nobody has time for. Let the sun shine on your face and enjoy life.

Prayers for a positive outcome, Dexie... I know life threw you a curveball, but as the others have said, focus on the positive. Worry just brings you down. All on this site have faced the storms of life and are survivors. You will too. I understand that your first reaction is to worry, but then you have to start focusing on the future. Try and eat healthy, do your exercises, and get your sleep in.

I will do my special warrior dance for you. Forget about Dances With Wolves; this is a "dances without pain or fear" dance.

It'll be all right, kiddo.

Chief Sitting Bull told me to get my front ass moving... just imagine me running around in circles and a fire and barefoot. Ouch. Woo wooo.

You got this, hon.

We got you, too.

I will be praying for you!

Dexie, I'm sorry you're going through this waiting period. Sending you all good thoughts for the best test results.

Thank you all for making me feel better today with your stories, funny wit, prayers, and positivity. I can't tell you how much it is appreciated. I will keep you updated!

Hello Dex

I have not had to deal with these types of things, but I do know in my own experiences it is human nature to beat yourself up during this process. You have dealt with this before, and you will do it again. You have already proved you are more than capable, and remember most of these things don't turn out to be as bad as what they first seem.

And of course, I hope you get all you wish for.

Axl

Well, Dixie, I know all too well how you feel. I'm sure most of us can relate. I get scared every time they do a biopsy of my bile ducts to check for pancreas cancer because I'm high risk. Just keep your head up and know you have people to vent to if you need to let it all out. The worst thing is keeping it all inside and acting like you're okay when all you want to do is cry or have someone just to talk to. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk about anything. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish nothing but the best for you! 🙏 💐

Hi Dexie, I don't know what you are going through exactly, but I do know what it's like to over-worry and have high anxiety. I really do know what that's like. I had a rough childhood, so I have been dealing with anxiety, worry, and fear for most of my life. Getting a colostomy made things so much worse, especially after the traumatic hospital experiences. The littlest thing swings me into a spiral… fast too! It's awful, but we can't keep doing this to ourselves; it's bad for our bodies. A few things I've learned to do: take a deep breath, hold for 4 seconds, and repeat until you feel calmer. When you exhale, do it slowly and think good thoughts. Second, I replace all my negative thoughts with good/funny memories of my family and friends. I'm a very spiritual person, and faith has helped me through my darkness. I know it's easier said than done, but relax your mind and try not to worry until there is cause to. You are strong, brave, and bold, my beautiful friend!

Wow and hugs, it's not your time, and I am so happy for you. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers because you're one of the people who are nice to me.

Greetings Dexieb, I understand a little how you must be feeling. I had cancer when I was 23, I know the fear. Just try, I know it's easy to say, but try to not think negative shit. Excuse my language, it's the only way I can put it. Take care, stay strong, Bill.

G-Day DexieB, I reckon if we all give out good vibes for you it might go in your favor. I will be thinking of you. Good luck. Regards, IGGIE xx

Hi Dexie, wishing you good luck with your test results. 

Warrior here, checking in with burnt feet. Got too close to the dance fire. Raining here in Jersey.

Danced too hard, ahh snap!

Consulted with sidekick Smokey Roberson, who says...

Hit it. 🎶🎵 I've got sunshine... I am sending your way... 🎶🎵 It may look bleak outside... but you got us to pray... 🎶🎵 I bet you can say what can make us feel... this way...

You do... yeah, you do. Talking about Dexie... 🎶🎵

(And that man can dance too).

Love it! Thanks for making me smile!!

Have an ultrasound Friday afternoon for the mammogram part... still nail-biting and waiting for my dermatology results... but I can't change anything, so trying not to worry. I appreciate the laughs and all the positivity! ;)

Had a light-hearted moment in the hospital last year. CT scan of my abdomen also captured images of the bottom of my lungs. Doctors were in right away. "There are tumors in both your lungs." I told them, "Yeah, OK, no problem."

They were discombobulated at my blasé response. "Dan, you don't understand, this is serious! You need a biopsy ASAP." I told them: "I've had tumors in my lungs for over 30 years. No worries."

They didn't give up. Called my oncologist, my wife. Showed me tumor pictures. I literally had to argue with them to leave me alone.

Good luck

We're all rooting for you

Hug

Jayne

Thanks everyone. Today is the day I will have my ultrasound (heavy sigh). My 60-year-old aunt is currently going through Stage 3 breast cancer, so watching her struggle through surgery, chemo, and radiation has made me fearful... but I'm trying to keep the faith. She told me during a visit that she will never go through treatment again. At that moment, her 3-year-old grandson ran into the room, and she scooped him up and said, "But I might for him." Praying she never has to!

I have not heard anything on my dermatology report. I looked at MyChart, and the dermatologist finally posted her notes, which said the tissue was excised and sent for pathology "R/O (rule out) BCC (Basal cell) vs. inflamed nevus vs. atypical," and that she told me to call in 1-2 weeks for my result. Not exactly true... she only told me they would call me if it were bad. So I guess no news is good news on that? On the bright side, my excision was in a rather, ummm, private area, and my husband has been SO eager to help! LOL

I really want to go into the new year healthy and able to have my reversal surgery at the end of January! It's out of my hands now, but hoping for good news. Grateful to you all - so glad I have friends in high places rooting for me :) Thank you!

Praying for you, your aunt, and your faith

2 Corinthians 4:16-18, what a blessing that your husband is so willing to go above and beyond to help out LOL. 

We are all here for you, Dexie.

Depends on who you are dancing with, Warrior. My friends told me that one of the best performances they have seen was at a party where I danced with a smashing dancer from Azerbaijan called Lulu! She was dating a friend I went to college with in the US at that time. Eastern and Western dance steps all mixed together. Unfortunately, I don't have a video to present as evidence.

Billy Idol.. 🎵🎶🎼..

"Dancing with Myself" oh oh ohhhhh.. 🕺💃🕺

And... the fact you said your friends said they told you... that... you were dancing with Lulu...

Ha ha... you must have been bombed out of your mind not to remember it...

"Tap" that dancer...? 🤦‍♂️

Yeah, that can be fun too, especially around a campfire. I had a friend who threw shotgun cartridges into the fire, and the pellets kept popping loudly. He was an expert at extracting the pellets from cartridges, then sealing them again to make you wonder how you missed such an easy shot!

Hello all, my ultrasound went great although nerve-wracking as hell… the radiologist even came in to check one more thing. Turns out the mass they saw was actually 2 tiny benign cysts that he said I wouldn't even be able to feel. I have very dense breasts also, D cup, so I suppose hard to tell. Thank goodness! No biopsy necessary! Now just waiting for dermatologist results…

Happy New Year! Thank you all ❤️❤️❤️🙏

I'm sorry, Dex. I'm sorry, wow, all I heard was "dense breasts and a D cup." I'm laughing, but seriously, it all worked out for you, and I am pleased. My feet are pleased too because, well, they're pretty well burnt up from all that tribal dancing, but it was worth it, hon.

Happy New Year. Best wishes... I mean... ☺️

😂😂😂