A Hard Week

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DexieB

Hi Friends.  Well, it's been a hard weekend. I was so excited for my colostomy reversal, and now everything in my life is up in the air...I discovered a strange skin growth in an area that is hard to see, so I'm not sure if it's new or I just never noticed. Luckily I had my annual skin check and mammogram scheduled Dec 22 (I scheduled them both last January, because it's so hard to get in).  The dermatologist immediately removed the growth and I said she did not like the looks of it.  So I am awaiting pathology on that.  Then I got a mychart letter that a small mass was seen in one breast in my mammogram, and I need an ultrasound.  I know people say, 'don't worry, you don't know anything yet'....but for someone who has already had cancer like me it's all terrifying.  I know I probably have PTSD from my colon cancer diagnosis, but IDK how to stop from worrying and regretted going in right before the holidays.  As someone who up until the beginning of this year only ever went in for my annual physical and preventative tests like mammogram, I am exhausted by the ordeal I've just been through with the colostomy, emergency surgery etc and I am beside myself thinking of what these tests could reveal.  Please send some positive vibes my way....I could sure use them.  So hard to concentrate on work!  Thanks all.  I hope you all enjoyed your holiday.  

Itsme58

Hi DexieB, my name is Linda, nice to meet you. Breath in through your nose hold, breath out through your mouth slowly and repeat, When I had my first mammogram, I had to have an ultra sound… Cysts full of fluid behind my nipples, I was scared to death, I thought I would have to have my breast’s cut off… I did not, but never in my life did I think I would have rectal cancer. We all don’t know what God has in our plan of life, I believe in God, not sure if you do, if not I am sorry for this part of my Conversation, please forgive me. I do not believe in the middle man or the building, if God truly exists  he sees and hears me every day and he’s my judge not the middleman or the building, I have almost died 7 times, It is not my time to go yet, as oncologist has just informed me my blood counts is good as he’d like, so he had me get a PETscan and it showed a possible re occurrence of cancer, this will be the second time. The first when I was to have a reversal and could not, I now have a permanent Colostomy. I am waiting on biopsy report. I feel so good and I am being so positive, a grand baby coming in January, in my mind I say, how is this possible? But it’s life and we have to take it one day at a time little baby steps keep her head up, be positive and just remember you have a certain Colo rectal doctor and he will make sure he does everything in his power to take care of whatever comes up.  My friend told me we all have a story gonna be OK just make sure to do your breathing exercises and be positive. If you wanna talk, can be about anything please send me a message. Take care. Be safe my prayers have you placed in them.

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Beachboy

Hi Dexie !

I know exactly how you feel.  I have dealt with this my entire adult life.  Until definitive conformation is obtained via pathology, you can't let this consume your thoughts. 

What I've learned.  If possible, seek a second pathological analysis of your tissue sample.  Even if you get good news!  You need assurance the results are correct from multiple professionals.  As I've discovered, you need to be your own advocate, even to the point of being a pain in the ass.   

I had stage 4 thyroid cancer at 25.  Resulting in 6 major surgeries over the years, radiation therapy, chemotherapy.  I learned to let it go... the worry about every test, every doctors' comment.   Example:  I once had a vascular surgeon call my wife & I in for a consult after he removed a cancerous mass from my clavicle.  'Sorry" he intoned, "I can't offer you any hope."  My poor wife just "lost it."  I told him "I know the cancer I have, you're wrong."  Took a few years.... but I was proven correct... I'm still here. 

 Most everyone at my work knows my story.  I straggled in to work everyday back when I was undergoing chemotherapy.  Bald headed, frail.... but determined.  I've been asked many times "how do you remain calm waiting for test results?"  Well, I don't worry what "could be, or might be."  I live for the moment.  And I don't let anything get me down.

Enjoy your life now, as it is.  Until proven otherwise... you're good to go.

Take care Dexie

 

AlexT

I, like you Dexie, hadn’t been to a doctor for anything for God only knows how long before I got diagnosed with rectal cancer. IMO, the first and most important thing you must do is put your mind in the right place. Whether good or bad, you can’t control what’s going on with your body right now. However, starting at this moment you can put your mind into positive thinking and start enjoying everyday, making any negative thing less impactful. When you get the….why me Lord thoughts going remember this……YOU ain’t the only 1 going thru this and there are many more going thru much much worse. Control what you can, adjust to what life throws at you, and smile from the moment you get up til you fall asleep at night. Negativity and worrying is just wasted energy that nobody has time for. Let the sun shine on your face and enjoy life. 

Morning glory

Prayers  for a positive  outcome Dexie... I know life threw you a curve ball, but as the others have said ; focus on the positive . Worry just brings you down. All on this site have faced the storms of life and are survivors. You will to. I understand  that your first reaction  is to worry, but then you have to start focusing  on the future. Try and eat healthy,  do your exercises,  and get your sleep in. 

 
Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
warrior

I will do my special Warrior dance for you.. forget about Dances With Wolves this is a  "dances without pain or fear" dance..

it'll be all right kiddo..

chief sitting bull told me to get my front ass moving...just imagine me running around in circles and  a fire and  barefoot ouch.woo wooo..

you got this hon.

we got you.too.

Cplumber

I will be praying for you! 

eefyjig

Dexie, I'm sorry you're going through this waiting period. Sending you all good thoughts for the best test results. 

DexieB

Thank you all for making me feel better today with your stories, funny wit, prayers, and positivity.  I can't tell you how much it is appreciated.  I will keep you updated!

Axl

Hello Dex

I have not had to deal with these type of things but I do know in my own experiences it is human nature to beat yourself up during this process. You have dealt with this before and you will do it again. You have already proved you are more than capable and remember most of these things don't turn out to be as bad as what they first seen.

And of course I hope you get all you wish for.

Axl

Rose Bud 🌹

Well Dixie I know all to well how you feel .I'm sure most of us can relate. I get scared everytime they do a biopsy of my bile ducts to check for Pancreas Cancer because I'm high risk .Just keep your head up and know you got people to vent to if you need to let it all out. The wrost thing is keeping it all inside and acting like you're ok..when all u want to do is cry or have someone just to talk to...Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk about anything.You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and I wish nothing but the best for you!!! 🙏 💐 

MoeMoe

Hi Dexie, I don’t know what you are going thru exactly but I do know what it’s like over worrying, having high anxiety, I really do know what that’s like. I had a rough childhood so I have been dealing with anxiety, worry and fear for most of my life. Me getting a colostomy made things so much worse especially after the traumatic hospital experiences. The littlest thing swings me into a spiral… fast too! It’s awful but we can’t keep doing this to ourselves, it’s bad for our body. A few things I’ve learned to do; take a deep breath hold for 4 seconds and repeat until you feel calmer, when you exhale do it slowly and think good thoughts and second I replace all my negative thoughts with good/funny memories of my family and friends. I’m a very spiritual person and faith has helped me thru my darkness. I know it’s easier said than done but relax your mind and try not to worry until there is cause to. You are strong, and brave and bold my beautiful friend! 

Itsme58
Reply to Beachboy

Wow and hugs, it’s not your time and I am so happy for you. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers because you’re one of the people that’s nice to me.

Newhere

Greetings Dexieb, I understand a little how you must be feeling. I had cancer when i was 23, Iknow the fear. Just try, i know its easy to say, but try to not think negative shit. Excuse my launguage, its the only way i can put it. Take care, stay strong, Bill.

IGGIE

G-Day DexieB, I recon if we all give out good vibes for you it might go in your favor.  I will be thinking of you, Good Luck. Regards IGGIE xx

ron in mich

Hi Dexie, wishing you  good luck with your tests results.  

warrior

Warrior here.. checking in with burnt feet . got too close to the dance fire. raining here in jersey.

danced too hard ahh snap!!

consulted with  side kick smokey roberson.who says..

hit it.🎶🎵i,ve got sunshine..i am sending your way..🎶🎵 it may look bleak outside...but you got us to pray...🎶🎵.. i bet you can say what can make us feel..this way...

you do.. yeah you do. talking about dexie...🎶🎵

(and that man can dance too).

DexieB
Reply to warrior

Love it!  Thanks for making me smile!!

Have an ultrasound Friday afternoon for the mammogram part....still nail-biting and waiting for my dermatology results....but I can't change anything, so trying not to worry.  I appreciate the laughs and all the positivity!  ;)

Beachboy
Reply to DexieB

Had a light hearted moment in the hospital last year.  CT scan of my abdomen also captured images of the bottom of my lungs.  Doctors were in right away.  "There's tumors in both your lungs."  I told em, "yeah OK, no problem." 

They were discombobulated at my blasé response.  "Dan, you don't understand, this is serious!  You need a biopsy ASAP."  I told em:  "I've had tumors in my lungs for over 30 years.  No worries."  

They didn't give up.  Called my Onocologist, my wife.  Showed me tumor pictures.  I litterly had to argue with them to leave me alone.  

Jayne

Good Luck

We're all rooting for you

HUg

Jayne

DexieB

Thanks everyone.  Today is the day I will have my ultrasound (heavy sigh).  My 60 YO aunt is currently going through Stage 3 breast cancer, so watching her struggle through surgery, chemo and radiation has made me fearful....but I'm trying to keep the faith.  She told me during a visit that she will never go through treatment again.  At that moment her 3 YO grandson ran into the room, and she scooped him up and said "But I might for him".  Praying she never has to!  

I have not heard anything on my dermatology report- I looked at Mychart, and the dermatologist finally posted her notes, which said the tissue was excised and sent for pathology  " R/O (rule out) BCC  (Basal cell) vs. inflamed nevus vs. atypical" , and that she told me to call in 1-2 weeks for my result.  Not exactly true....she only told me they would call me if it were bad.  So I guess no news is good news on that?  On the bright side, my excision was in a rather ummm, private area- and  my husband has been SO eager to help!  LOL

I really want to go into the new year healthy and able to have my reversal surgery at the end of January!  It's out of my hands now, but hoping for good news.  Grateful to you all - so glad I have friends in high places rooting for me :)  Thank you!

 

Cplumber

Praying for you, your aunt and your faith

2 Corinthians 4:16-18, What a blessing that your husband is so willing to go above and below to help out LOL. 

Morning glory

We are all here for you Dexie. 

bowsprit
Reply to warrior

Depends on who you  are dancing with, Warrior. My friends told me that one of the best performance they have seen was at a party where I danced with a smashing dancer from Azerbaijan called Lulu! She was dating a friend I went to college with in the US at that time. Eastern and Western dance steps all mixed together. Unfortunately, don't have a video to present as evidence. 

warrior
Reply to bowsprit

billy idle.." 🎵🎶🎼..

dancing with myself" oh oh ohhhhh..".🕺💃🕺

warrior

and...the fact u said your friends said  they told you..that...you were dancing with LuLu....

ha ha.. you must have bombed out of your mind not to remember it.. 

" tap" that dancer ..? 🤦‍♂️

bowsprit
Reply to warrior

Yeah, that can be fun too, especially around a camp fire. Had a friend who threw shotgun cartridges into the fire and the pellets kept popping loudly. He was an expert at extracting the pellets from cartridges then sealing them again to make you wonder how you missed such an easy shot! 

DexieB

Hello all, my ultrasound went great although nerve wracking as hell…the radiologist even came in to check one more thing.  Turns out the mass they saw was actually 2 tiny benign cysts that he said I wouldn’t even be able to feel.  I have very dense breasts also, D cup, so I suppose hard to tell.  thank goodness!  No biopsy necessary!  Now just waiting for dermatologist results…

Happy New Year!  Thank you all ❤️❤️❤️🙏

warrior

I'm sorry dex.. I'm sorry wow all I heard was "dense breasts and a D cup"... I'm laughing but seriously it all worked out for you and I am pleased my feet are pleased too because well they're pretty well burnt up.from all that tribal dancing... but was worth it hon.

happy new year. breast wishes..i mean...☺️

DexieB
Reply to warrior

😂😂😂