Seeking Love: Overcoming Ostomy Bag Stigma

I would disagree.

Dude... at least your rectum is clean...

What's that supposed to mean?

Without getting into detail... I am assuming you do not eliminate through your rectum/anus.

Was not meant as an insult... Sorry if I offended you.

No offense taken. I should have tried to embellish my sarcasm better.

Hey there, there is an ostomy site for gay and lesbians. I'm not sure, I accidentally found it, but if you need, guess Google it. :0 Hope you find Mr. Right or some great friends. Being single and unhappy sucks, but being friendless is awful. Please take care. The stoma is an issue for me, but guess my Mr. Right never knows as I think I may have taken a message wrong or right. Good luck to all. :)

R.E.S.P.E.C.T
:)

How has life been since you posted this? I'm curious because I felt the same way. I'm new to this. It's supposed to be temporary but nothing can prepare you just in case you don't have a reversal surgery. I feel insecure and can only imagine if I myself would date someone with a bag. I mean it would have to be something really special.

I've had an ileostomy since 1976, I was 18 way back then.

As a gay man, yes this is all scary with the emphasis on physical perfection in the gay community.

I've found going out to a bar with the intent of picking someone up, taking them home and then doing the nasty is likely going to be a recipe for a bad experience.

What worked for me was actually dating a fella and working up to the point where it seemed natural to make the big step.

My first longish relationship, 6 years, was with an exercise physiologist, and he didn't have a problem with it.

The same with my next relationship, which was also 6 years.

Now I and my partner are at the 20+ year mark.

If you're not embarrassed by your physicality then your partner is likely not going to be embarrassed either. At least that's been my experience. The dating phase gives you a chance to scope out - is this likely going to work...

Hope this is helpful.

Let's face it. This was a surgical procedure that saved our lives. From my vantage point, the alternative to not having surgery did not look too attractive. I wanted to go off to college and begin a life where I did not feel like crap 24/7.

Hope this helps.

Mike Q.

Feel free to send a note.

Hun, I can truly relate. Although I am married to an amazing man for 23+ years, I very recently had an ileostomy which comes with the bag and a huge stomach scar. My thoughts were, "OMG, I am a monster, don't look," and I tried to hide, etc. My husband is my bag expert; he cuts it and trims it, he fits it, and he puts it on after my showers, etc., all without fear. It will happen, love is love, bag and all. Eventually, you begin to realize you are still the same great guy, just with a bag. We are here for ya, feel free to chat.

Hun, I can truly relate. Although I am married to an amazing man for 23+ years, I very recently had an ileostomy, which comes with the bag and a huge stomach scar. My thoughts were, "OMG, I am a monster. Don't look!" I tried to hide, etc. My husband is my bag expert. He cuts it and trims it. He fits it. He puts it on after my showers, etc., all without fear. It will happen. Love is love, bag and all. Eventually, you begin to realize you are still the same great guy, just with a bag. We are here for ya. Feel free to chat.