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Uncontrolled Rage

Posted by CascadianAaron

I'm not sure why this has happened but it has happened twice in the past six months where I have completely been out of control angry and full of rage. I don't have the desire to hurt anyone or anything and thankfully I have not. But my rage is so intense that I don't even feel like it is me. Basically I throw a tantrum like a little kid, just out of control yelling, screaming, and throwing/breaking objects on the floor. I'm not on any steriods so I can't blame 'road rage. I am on Prozac that was switched from Wellbutrin last year, so I don't know if this has anything to do with it. 

This of course is not helping the situation with my wife that is already at a breaking point.

I am so mad at myself for losing control, for letting the rage consume me. I even tried to cool off before this happened but the rage just consumed me and I returned from my "time out" even angrier. 

Like the last blog, I'm just writing this down to vent more than looking for advice. I plan on calling my doctor tomorrow and hopefully go over some solutions.


See all blogs by CascadianAaron
Bill : Hello Aaron.
Thank you for your post as it takes me back a few years to the times when I had to deal with this type of phenomenon.
First and foremost it sounds as if this type of behaviour is out of character for you so I think your concern about the medication is valid and you need to do something about it immediately.
What the drug companies don't tell people is that sometimes their products have completely the opposite effects to that which they intend. It has long been known by the consumer population that drugs like Prozac and Ritalin have been contributory factors in unwanted mood changes occasionally leading to suicide. The drug companies vehemently deny that their products have this effect - 'but they would, wouldn't they!'
I used to try to get my clients to come off all of their psychotropic medication in favour of the 'talking cure' but many were reluctant to do so because their welfare benefits depended to a large extent on the fact that they were being prescribed medication by a qualified person. Eventually, we overcame this obstacle by me prescribing them 'SOCSAPINE' at doses of 10ml per day and 200ml as required.
This prescription was never questioned by the welfare benefits people, which meant that my clients still got their money, without the horrific side-effects of the drug regimes.
For those of you who have never heard of SOCSAPINE and cannot find it listed anywhere. It is an acronym for : 'Self-Organised Common Sense Alongside Participation In Normal Experiences'.
The dosage, in ml's simply means that I recommended a dose of Common Sense at least 10 Minutes Long everyday, which they could get from the International Thesaurus of Quotations on any subject they liked. The 200 Minutes Long was the length of my weekly sessions with them in 'Constructive Conversation' about the problems they were having. These sessions were very effective in help them control their wayward emotions, without recourse to chemical solutions and consequent negative side-effects.
I could wax lyrical about this all day long as it pains me to think that people are still suffering by taking prescribed medication in the hope that it will make them 'better'.
Best wishes
DonBrown1943 : Aaron, yes, you must talk to your doctor. But please stop taking the Prozac now! Doctors make mistakes and sometimes won't admit. I was nearly killed in 1997 by two drugs prescribed by the same doctor that interacted and dropped my blood pressure to 63/47. The manufacturers had not released this information to the public. After my experience, one of the drugs was removed from the market and my doctor started believing me instead of manufacturing reps. Specifically about Prozac, I have not people who were on that drug and almost immediately became suicidal. When they became convinced it was a medication problem, they dropped the Prozac and immediately stopped the suicidal thoughts and behavior. Some people have even been forced to change doctors to be able to change medications, but it was worth it. It is your life they are gambling with, not some unknown entity called a client or patient. Take control and make the doctor listen to you!
winnie : Hello Aaron, I hope by now you have spoken with your Dr. and on different meds or at least got it squared away and on the way to a better happier you..
honestabe : Same thing happened to me after ileostomy surgery. Was not on Prozac or any other drug. Chewed people out for no reason. Not like me. Anyway, after a couple of months l returned to Normal. A lot of weird stuff happens after major surgery. At least it did to me! Steve
AMrfd : May I suggest,#1.meds, been there.#2 Help from a higher power, #3 this one was huge for me is do a 12 step program like AA. This is an amazing way to see who you are and lose your long had resentments. The peace I have in my life now is unbelievable.
Past Member: Prozac is not good. Gave me bad thoughts on wanting to hurt my family. But I had rage like I was a ticking time bomb. For years thought hey this is me lol. Saw a therapist & psychiatrist she put me on both medication you mentioned. But ask your Dr about lamotrigine this is helping me. They start you off on a low dose & work you up. It takes a month to start working but every month they higher it. I'm on 350 it took me 2 years to come to this dose. It starts off 25 mil. So you judge what you need. Try it out. Or try lithium
Past Member: Sorry the 2 medications you mentioned I was also on. They didn't work for me.... I forgot to add this lol
vdahl : Hi Aaron!

BOY, do I understand... too bad it isn't easier to chat about it. Just today, I went off - full tilt. All it took was a couple comments about my lack of energy and routine (according to them)... and it was battle guns drawn.

Different medications work differently for different people, conditions and dosage. I'm older that you are, I know, but this sort of thing happens to everyone. Over the years I have taken myself off of medications (antidepressants - cold turkey) because I was made to feel ashamed or guilty. I will not pretend to give you advice, but I will lend support. No, there's nothing wrong with deciding not to use prescription medication (so long as you do it under supervision & properly weaned) but there's nothing wrong with taking it either. No one would suggest we ditch insulin for diabetes "just because it didn't work for them or it's not natural", would they?
I'm an advocate for NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) and fight fervently to end the stigma and shame around mental illness... it's just as important as physical illness.

Case-in-point is my 'mental' episode today - it is a result of my 'physical' condition being misunderstood. Anyway, I could go on and on. I just wanted to give you a vote of confidence. Do what's right for you - you've got a lot on your plate... you've got a lot to offer and you are perfectly fine, so be good to yourself!

Best regards,
CascadianAaron : Just a quick follow up, I am off Prozac and spent the long weekend "detoxifying" both physically and mentally at a voluntary psychiatric clinic. I was very skeptical of the clinic but low and behold I feel very rested and relaxed after four days. I'm headed off into the wilderness for three days on a camping trip before returning to work now.
Past Member: Yes!!! Just what you need. I been in those type of place like 7 times lol. Some are good some not. But I'm happy to here your doing good. Enjoy your camping!!
LadyHope : So glad to hear that you are feeling better. Please keep us posted how you are doing and about the camping trip. It sounds both run and relaxing. Take care. LH
CharK63 : Aaron so glad you were able to find and eliminate problem right away and also glad you had a good experience in the therapeutic community.

It sounds as if it scared you somewhat to go off like that. I'm afraid I would find it to be so liberating to blast anybody in my path once in awhile.
Matter of fact I should admit that was one of the reasons I carried out my romance with a likker bottle. I felt empowered by not having barriers on my mouth. Also admit that it was not attractive.
Put all that aside and who can blame you for losing control with all you are dealing with? So I say kudos to you for maybe getting something off your chest and also seeing you have a problem and fixing it. And undoubtedly on your own without spouse support.

You're doing great in a situation that is rigged against you. We know who the grownup is here don't we?

CascadianAaron : Still detoxing, camping trip in the Opal Creek Wilderness was awesome. I could use many more days/weeks of wilderness therapy but alas society apparently needs my attention.
Past Member: The wilderness is the BEST therapy
CascadianAaron : Had a long conversation with my work boss about cutting back to doing the work of one position, like when I started. I mean I have been doing two jobs since 2014...over three years. He actually seemed receptive so I'm hoping my job situation will be improved which will help me. Now more wilderness and all will be better I hope!
Past Member: Goid news, hope all is good.
CharK63 : Good start to resolving your conflicts. I'm glad to hear you focusing on you! No matter what, you need to be able to focus on yourself to be any good to others.
I take care of my elderly mother and the number one advice is be sure to take of myself or I won't be there when she needs me.
Besides that, have you noticed nobody else will do it for you? No one even says go take a break you need it....
Immarsh : Hi Aaron, Sometimes, just the normal real life issues, become an issue, and unknown to our concious self, anger or in your case rage builds up. I've had so many medical, and family issues over the past 3 years, but nothing I haven't dealt with before. So I couldn't figure out "Why", I was acting so emotionally, and erraticlly . I've been seeing a therapist and while it was helping, it took me awhile to accept that "I" had to make changes in the way I was reacting.... Its become pop work/ or pop culture, but it's really true. Mindfullness... We think we're living in the moment, but for most people, we don't know how to shut off the constant stream of information, the brain receives. On your phone, or, Mindful meditations youtube, and you'll find ones for reducing stress, anxiety, to help you sleep, etc...I bookmark the ones on my phone, and if I feel myself getting anxious.....I take a break, sit or lay down, close my eyes, and clear my brain. It sounds like an easy fix, or too good to be true, but it actually does take work and still the mind. I'm a believer, but try it.....Best of luck