This topic is about a man who is facing challenges with intimacy after undergoing a permanent ileostomy, while his wife has also had a hysterectomy. These changes have significantly affected their physical closeness, which used to be frequent but has now become rare. He loves his wife but feels lonely and is worried about the future of their relationship. He is seeking advice and support from others who might have experienced similar situations. Here are some helpful insights and advice shared by others:

1. Communicate first, not last
- Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings, the changes you’re both experiencing, and what you need from each other.
- If talking directly is difficult, consider involving a neutral third party like a marriage counselor or sex therapist. Professional help is often covered by insurance and can be very beneficial.

2. Understand post-hysterectomy issues
- After a hysterectomy, the loss of estrogen can lower libido, reduce natural lubrication, and make intercourse painful unless hormone-replacement therapy is used.
- Encourage your wife to discuss hormone options, pain, and lubrication with her gynecologist.

3. Address the ileostomy’s practical and psychological impact
- Consider using an ostomy wrap or stealth belt during sex to reduce movement, leakage concerns, and body-image anxiety.
- Both partners may feel unattractive due to scars; reassure each other with words and physical affection.

4. Make sex comfortable again
- Use plenty of water-based lubricant if vaginal dryness or pain is an issue.
- Spend more time on foreplay and proceed slowly.
- Explore different positions or aids to avoid pressure on sensitive areas.

5. Rebuild intimacy outside the bedroom
- Plan date nights, go for motorcycle rides, or make small romantic gestures to help your wife feel cherished and feminine, which can reignite desire.
- Focus on companionship and emotional closeness, which often leads back to sexual closeness.

6. Consider “training wheels” and new ideas
- Visit a reputable sex-toy shop together for lingerie, toys, or novelty items to make restarting sex fun rather than stressful.
- Humor and shared curiosity can ease tension.

7. Guard the relationship
- Avoid affairs unless mutually agreed upon, as infidelity can lead to divorce, emotional trauma, and harm to children.
- Remember the long-term value of your partnership—“happy wife, happy life.”

8. Work on personal well-being
- Counseling, both individual and couples, can help with grief, body-image issues, depression, and identity changes after major surgery.
- Developing empathy and self-acceptance makes you a better partner.