This topic is about navigating the dating world after having surgery that requires wearing a colostomy bag. It can be a daunting experience, especially when it comes to deciding how and when to share this personal detail with a potential partner. Here are some helpful insights and advice from others who have been in similar situations:

1. Be upfront early on. Honesty can quickly help you find people who are genuinely worth your time. Some people choose to tell their dates immediately to avoid any surprises, like a leak or a visible bulge. One person even uses humor, saying, “It’s my front bum, I crap in a bag,” and finds that being bluntly open works well.

2. Consider bringing it up after establishing some rapport. It doesn’t have to be a dramatic announcement, just another fact about you. Calmly framing it, such as saying, “I had major surgery that saved my life and now use a pouch,” can help the other person follow your lead. Avoid going into graphic details, as most adults will understand the basics.

3. Some people use the “third-date talk” strategy. One person shared their experience of having the conversation on the third date, saying, “If this is too much to handle, I understand.” The response they received was, “I like YOU.”

4. Use the situation as a character test. If someone can’t handle an ostomy, it’s better to know sooner rather than later. Many see it as a good judge of character or a “jerk filter.”

5. Self-confidence is important. How you feel about yourself can influence how your partner perceives you. It might be helpful to work on your self-esteem before diving into dating.

6. Humor can be a great tool. Referring to the appliance with light-hearted terms like “front bum,” “Walter my wenis,” or saying you’re “bionic” can lighten the mood.

7. For intimate moments, practical tips like using tiny “cap covers” can help so that a large pouch isn’t dangling.

8. There are different philosophies on timing. Some prefer to tell right away to avoid feeling deceitful or wasting time, while others wait until there’s some mutual caring so the person isn’t reacting to a near-stranger’s medical history. Regardless of when you choose to share, being sincere and matter-of-fact is key.

9. Consider dating another ostomate. This way, no explanation is needed, and the shared experience can become a bond.

10. Remember past positives. Many people have found partners who accepted, supported, and even helped manage their stoma care. Good relationships are possible.

11. Keep perspective. Rejection often reflects the other person’s limitations, not your worth. Stay positive, keep socializing, and carry on.