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Nov 20, 2007

Dating with a Colostomy - Men's Perspective & Rebuilding Confidence

This topic is about a woman who has been living with a colostomy for over two years and is now considering dating again. She is concerned about how potential male partners might react when she tells them about her ostomy. She is seeking advice on how to regain confidence and enjoy a fulfilling romantic and sexual life.

Here are some helpful insights and advice:

1. Confidence & Attitude
- First, embrace and accept your own body. Confidence, humor, and openness are very attractive qualities.
- When disclosing your ostomy, do so in a straightforward manner. If someone reacts negatively or needs time to think, it might be best to move on, as you deserve someone who appreciates you.
- Practice talking about your ostomy with friends or online to build comfort before dating in person.
- Adopt a positive mindset: there are many potential partners out there, and you deserve kindness and respect.

2. When & How to Disclose
- Bring up the topic before becoming intimate, often by sharing your health journey. This can lead to a natural conversation.
- Emphasize that the ostomy saved your life; most people respond well to honest and positive explanations.
- Younger men might be less concerned, while some older men may need more reassurance.

3. Preparing for Intimacy
- Before intimacy, empty your pouch, eat lightly, and limit alcohol to manage output.
- Consider wearing sexy underwear, a black satin wrap, or a pouch cover to keep the bag out of sight. Some use elastic support belts to keep everything secure.
- Certain positions might be more comfortable, such as side-lying or standing, to avoid pressure on the abdomen.
- If you experience dryness or discomfort, water-based lubricants or vaginal moisturizers can help. These issues often improve over time.

4. Sexual Alternatives & Creativity
- Explore manual stimulation and mutual masturbation to maintain closeness while adjusting.
- Experiment with lotions and playful touch to rebuild comfort and desire.

5. Dealing with Rejection or Insensitivity
- Some partners may not handle the reality of intimacy well. Use this as a way to screen for the right person rather than seeing it as a personal failure.
- Be aware that even long-time friends or partners might show prejudice, so protect your self-esteem.

6. Health & Frequency
- Regular sexual activity is beneficial for both physical and emotional health. Women over 50 are encouraged to maintain an active sex life if they wish.

7. Community & Support
- Consider dating or forming relationships with other ostomates, as they may offer understanding and compassion. Online forums and support groups are great places to connect.
- Many people report that once a partner sees the ostomate is comfortable with their pouch, they accept it and may even forget about it.

8. Key Products Mentioned
- Elastic ostomy support belts (tan color, specific brand not mentioned).
- "Bowl cover"/pouch cover, which is a plastic or fabric sleeve to hide the bag during intimacy.
See full discusison
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