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Dating

Posted by meglb, on Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:36 pm
Sometimes, i think it would be easier to wear a sign that says:
I have a colostomy, if still interested call.....
Dating is hard enough!! lol
Reply by tarababy, on Wed Jul 23, 2008 5:14 am
Meglb, I think you might have hit on a winner there..LoL.They used to have  something like that for single people years ago in Perth.Came in the form of a sticker you put on your car..Funny enough,it worked.Till the goody-two-shoes jumped on it.Another great idea booted..So I'm with you...cheers,Tara... Cool
Reply by vulcanBMk2, on Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:01 pm
A girl asked me for a date once ... I replied , No Problem   -- Battle of Trafalgar , 21st  October 1805..... Stayed in on my own that night !!!
Reply by tarababy, on Sun Aug 24, 2008 12:58 am
Oh you are a funny bugger....
_________________
hi ,i am an ileostomate with crohn's,was diagnosed in 2004.I now have a support group<NQGOLD(nth queensland general ostomy lifestyle discussions). Meeting some amazing people.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sat Sep 13, 2008 4:56 pm
Meglb,
To be honest having an ileostomy hasnt been a problem for the men I have dated , but boy its a big problem for me. I feel I cant join any normal on line dating agency. After all if you had a choice of 50 men you wouldnt choose the one with a bag would you? Well we probally would now, but not before. Of course personalety comes first so its great if you can get to know someone before dating, thats how I have dated in the past. But its not happening at the moment. I really miss having a hug!
But who knows whats round the corner...................
Poppy
Reply by tarababy, on Sun Sep 14, 2008 12:28 am
Hi Poppy, about you not being able to join a 'normal' dating site? Well I dont see why not, I have in the past- as I knew there was nothing worth while close by.lol...Anyway,it was a little bit hard to start with,but I just chatted and let the conversation flow,and before you know it,something comes out about what you do for a living or something to bring up health....Then I found it was a good way to actually practice telling people....and either way,on-line or in person...you know how that person feels about things.If they took that well....then we would think about meeting..NOW THAT WAS HARD!!! The very first meeting I had with a guy off the net was as scary as hell Shocked ...But now I just laugh...nothing bad happened,just the guy who showed up wasnt anything like the guy I was chatting to....There were teeth missing and a whole cowboy outfit....had to have a peek make sure no gun..I'm kidding..But he even asked if I wanted to join his stable...Oh I lost it,almost fell off my chair laughing, got up, and just laughed as I walked away--he got the hint.Needed another drink real bad..Oh dear, guess that wasnt the best story to tell you, to convince you to join up hey...lmaoBut if you go in with the right attitude(I'm here for a good time not a long time!)You might be very surprised......Good luck and keep us posted....Tara Cool
Reply by bamatex, on Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:26 pm
It's been my practice when dating ladies I did not meet on an ostomy site to not mention anything about having an ostomy. Just go out & have a nice time & start to get to know each other. I actually avoid serious intimacy for several dates. Then when I feel the time might be right for intimacy I tell her there's something I need to tell her, before the moment arrives. I've never had a girl freak out or be bothered by it. I think that once you give yourself a chance to develop a relationship & get to really like a person, & she you, it tends to open up their minds & do away with any inhibitions they may have had if you'd brought it up on the first date or before. If you bring it up before the first date you might not ever get a chance to show her you're much more than just a guy who wears a bag. Well, that's my approach anyway.
Reply by bcdrc, on Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:59 am
personally i just put it straight out there if the person is that shallow as to not accept it then their not worth being with anyway
Reply by celia55, on Mon Jan 05, 2009 4:51 pm
Hi i honestly thought dating would not be a problem but i found it a real big problem,i dated a guy for two years who did not mind i had a stoma as his father had one so he knew what it was all about,but then he found a younger body to cuddle, i went out as normal but the guys i have since met have been cruel at times to say the least,they dont seem to want to talk to you and get to know you the person not even giving you the chance to answer any questions they have,we are still people who are survivors of something that in most cases is not our fault. One guy thought i was very brave for even going out dating he honestly thought that i should stay at home because of my stoma.
I often wonder if it happened to them what they would do and how would they react when people walk away from them.
Lots of Love Guys
Celia xxxxxxxxxxx
Cool   Smile   Wink  Laughing
Reply by bostomy, on Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:18 pm
I guess its easy for some


Last edited by bostomy on Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:10 am; edited 2 times in total
Reply by bostomy, on Sat Jan 10, 2009 11:35 am
Hello: just  bye!


Last edited by bostomy on Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:09 am; edited 1 time in total
Reply by celia55, on Sat Jan 10, 2009 12:14 pm
Hi Bostomy it is not easy when all this hits you,everyone feels life will go on the same and it can but when you feel down you think  the whole world is against you.I have had my stoma since 94 lost my hubby in 96,felt totally in the dark my children where great and my mum talked to me every day telling me to take one day at a time and let life get back to normal in the way you can handle it,never rush it. There is someone for all of us out there wether we have a medical condition or not,we just have to let them come in when they want otherwise if we hurry it we can push them away,talk to them get to know them,there is never a right or wrong time to tell anyone about a stoma you just have to hope they will be the person who is right for you.
Never forget there are millions of us all over the world facing the same problems so we are never quite alone.
Take care
Celia xxxx
Reply by ferrona, on Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:54 am
Actually i've had more problems with self esteem than actually getting a date and keeping one. I kinda now parade the ostomy, so there feels like no pink elephant in the room.

I think the best thing I did for myself was my warning label.
I got a tattoo on my lower back. It looks like those "not an entrance" sign with a white bar in the center.
It's big and red and it says "no exit, no entry". Frankly  that tattoo has opened the door to the conversation of why in the hell did I put something like that on my body.

All my friends love it. I think once you have confidence in yourself and you don't show weakness, the people around you will take on the same persona and not feel odd that you don't have a functioning asshole.  Very Happy
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:55 pm
Wow Ferrona! what a good idea for you with todays fashion of youngsters baring there lower back. Sadly thats not suitable for me anymore. You must get alot of attention, is it always  good attention? Now what can I do.....mmmmm.......
Poppy
Reply by ferrona, on Thu Jan 22, 2009 1:16 am
To be honest, I think i've had only one negative response and it was from a stranger which I didn't see her reaction.

I was in the store bending over and my mom happen to look behind her. The salesclerk mouth literally dropped, mouthing 'oh my god'. Well she probably would have had the same reaction had she known what hell on earth I went through to even consider acquiring such a message to display.

It gives me something to laugh about everyday and for anybody else that knows me, the message suits me well. Even my co-workers/supervisors think its great and they are older women with grandchildren.

I think the hardest thing about dating is getting past that part of the conversation:

"Yeah, I've had a lot of surgeries and am missing a colon and 10feet of my small bowel....By the way I have an ostomy bag too."

Funny thing happened tonight. Since I was 17, I've had this crush on this guy who was 21 and in the Navy. I've put him on this peddlestool all these years and have been afraid to tell him for the past 3 years about the ostomy. Finally, I told him and he was okay with it. Apparently his grandfather was diagnosed with colon cancer and he had an ostomy. Go figure.

At least that is off my chest and I don't think anybody else's opinion of whether I have a bag matters. Because its within yourself that the light signs through. If they really love you, the will love you in sickness and with a bag.
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