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Posted by dee05, on Sat Nov 13, 2010 8:27 pm
I am going to guess December 11th 2010 for my Daughters Birthday and I am throwing in a timmys coffee and even a doughnut of your choosing... (O:
Reply by KennyT, on Sun Nov 14, 2010 4:17 pm
After looking at the pic of Winnie I have certainly changed my mind about the blonde as you said Bad. Not only does she have a fine figure but she is also well read!! Wonderful.

But I am a little upset with your snide comments regarding the silverware at Rach's as those days are long gone. I made the terrible mistake of getting caught a couple of years ago and it is no more silverware pilfering for me! All gold jewellery now.

I also notice that people are still trying to muscle in on the prizes. Anyone interested in attaining the riches awarded only has to contact me and I am only too willing to discuss a beneficial (for me) business deal.

Reply by lottagelady, on Sun Nov 14, 2010 4:58 pm
Well boys - I have been out all day and look what I've missed - Winnie reading and Compton being got at by one of my previous pussies - Bowsie RIP ....

Actually Winnie is the loopy one (though is generally called  Mighty 'cos he is a big fella really), so you may be better wirth the blonde aka Chester .....

As to my silverware - it is all from Ikea so you can have as much of it as you like really as I can replace at tuppence ha'penny at any time!

Gold - not much of that here either, the bit I have I wear .... what I have got most of funnily enough is pet hair everywhere so you can collect all that and knit yourself a nice sweater as it will probably be a bit cold for you both over here and in that Honeymoon Cabin ..... hope you like grey? Also got quite a few spiders under the thatch - my ridge has just been redone (PS this is NOT a euphemism for my recent surgery!!) so I reckon they have all been disturbed and have come in here to get out of the way of trampling feet! Suppose though you are used to spiders and much bigger and nastier ones too!
Reply by miyzy, on Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:17 pm
oh hes too cute ill take him just look at that face lol what kind of dog is he i want one either him or a pug lol
Reply by KennyT, on Fri Nov 19, 2010 6:28 pm
Free To Good Home

1 Bag Eating Bassett Hound. A tad deaf and only eats Bonios. Likes to run with horses but gets trampled at times because he cant hear them coming.

1 Crazy Pug Dog. Just wind him up and watch him run around the house. Hours of fun for the little ones.

1 Slightly Neurotic Cat. Likes to fall down all the time pretending he is having seizures but really it is just a game. Prefers MEOW Mix and has a slight tendancy to get a tad cranky about taking his medication.

1 Used Groundhog. Great with children but has a tendancy to want to only come out when it is cold. Not well acclimatised to warm environments.

1 Hillbilly Ex Husband. Likes to spend his time around swamps and requires very little attention. Feed him every couple of days and let him run wild.

1 15 Year Old Deaf Tonkanese Cat. Loves to do do nothing because he is too scared to move as he is a bit afraid of the Slightly Neurotic Cat. Gets on well with the Bag Eating Bassett but and can come in a package deal.

Available as individual items or all in one package deal.

Present owner has been institutionalised and these items must move fast.

Please contact.
Mr Lobster
Somewhere In The Bahamas.
Reply by badancer, on Fri Nov 19, 2010 7:51 pm
Dear Mr. Lobster Esq.  It appears that you may not collect your fee from Mr. Kenny as he is divesting himself  of his winnings without compensation. I suggest that you immediately file a claim for his winnings for non-payment. Carpe Diem.
Reply by KennyT, on Sat Nov 20, 2010 3:04 am
Mr Badancer I concur with you totally and if I were not under 24 hour watch in this asylum I would not need to purge myself of these, for a better word, animals. They have in their short time with me made my life interesting and full of surprises to say the least.

I know that the esteemed Mr Lobster will do a wonderful job taking care of  these pets who cant hear me, scratch me, have identity crises and wont come out in the middle of the day.

Good luck Mr Lobster this is nothing you dont deserve.


Lunatic Asylum
Somewhere Near My House.
Reply by Firegirl25, on Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:00 pm
Wish I read this posting way back when. I just spent the last twenty minutes laughing my ass off.
Reply by Lobster, on Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:47 am
Dear Kenny T,

I will indeed deal with the housing of the, as you put it for want of a bettter word, 'animals' just as soon as myself and the Panamanian police resolve a minor misunderstanding.
Reply by lottagelady, on Tue Nov 23, 2010 1:01 pm
Oh dear - how come I missed this 'til now????

Have a few days feeling crappy in the bathroom which ends up looking like a scene from the Texas Chain Saw Massacre (filmed in sepia) and you miss the good threads!

As I am apparently a 'shrink' ( ref another thread from Mr Ed Gutenberg) Kenny, you could have come to me ... mind you, I do charge more for my services than that curmudgeonly Mr Lobster, but just like L'Oreal, I am worth it! (ask Mr Ed .... below!)

We could even combine our sessions with the trip to the Honeymoon Cabin? I am sure that the animals could do with a break too ..... Compton has even taken to eating unused ostomy bags, so is obviously having a bad time of it at the moment ..... (I do draw the line though at taking the hillbilly ex husband, unless of course he is a trained zookeeper or Psychiatric Nurse?

Let me know as soon as .....

Rach xx
Reply by KennyT, on Tue Nov 23, 2010 3:23 pm
Ah Lobster very fine indeed to hear from you. So sorry to hear you have run into some minor problems in Panama. I have had some enquiries from a gentleman from some organisation by the name of The  Simon Wiesenthal Centre who is trying to catch up with you with regards to one of your valued clients. He says it is just some minor issue and that it would be ok to inform him of your whereabouts. He should catch up with you soon.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in Panama.

See you again sometime I hope.

ps. I will be withholding oustanding monies owing to yourself until further notice from the nice gentleman who is trying to catch you. Sorry catch up with you I meant. Slip of the tongue.

Last edited by KennyT on Tue Nov 23, 2010 4:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
Reply by KennyT, on Tue Nov 23, 2010 3:40 pm
Dearest Rach,

It is with deep regret that I must inform you that our proposed trip to the getaway heaven that is the Cabin In The Back Of The Place Nobody Can Remember is off. I have been delayed indefinitely by a little man in a coat and carrying a clipboard with him constantly. He has a penchant for locking the door to my hotel room and since I have been here I have been unable to do any sightseeing at all.
I really am sorry about all this and I will attempt to make up for it as soon as I can stop these people here tying me down to my hotel bed.

See you again Rach.
Reply by Lobster, on Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:38 am
My hiccup with the Panamanians has been resolved relatively amicably. Fortuitously some old clients of mine who work for a company called Cartel, they are international exporters of a wonderful product called Bolivian Marching Powder, thoroughlty recommend the gear, and they had a word with the Chief Superintendent and it turned out the paperwork was not in order so the Chief very kindly shredded it.

I am currently staying in a lovely villa called Casa Segura and will be in touch to finalise the animal matters.

By the way Kenny, a chap stopped by this morning and said he was a friend of yours and trying to get in touch with one of my old clients. He seemed a jolly decent chap and was over joyed when I gave him the address. Is he a friend of my client and they lost touch? He couldn't wait to get in the taxi and pop round there. As my client is getting on I did the decent and gave him a call to tell him was going to have a visitor so he could get ready and put the kettle on.
Reply by eddie, on Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:20 pm
Rach, I always wanted to be  psych nurse we could do a lobotomy on him, wrap him in a strait jacket give im ice cold baths do electric shock therapy ohh i'm so excited the list goes on and on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please can I help???
Reply by lottagelady, on Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:33 pm
Of course you can my lovely - my training was in Leaning Disabilites so did quite a lot of pyschiatric stuff .....

I did once participate in a cople of sessions of ECT - noit very pleasant really - think it would have bee more fun if they had done in a much more relaxing place like a swiming pool or something - could maybe try that eh?

Come over for coffee and we can discuss it!

Rach xxxxx
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