An Ode to Incontinence
Or There Is Hope Yet for Wet Wet Wet!
Oh, what is life when full of woe
You cannot find a place to go?
I really was quite in despair
With nappies, sheaths, and catheters
And other medical devices
(Supplied by the Incontinence Service).
I dreamed of walking, wild and free,
Along a beach or by the sea;
But scenes like that were not for me...
I had to hide behind a tree!
There's no escape! You can't placate!
That nagging urge to urinate.
Canute was a great Viking King
Whose history some deride.
They falsely claim that he sat down
And tried to rule the tide.
I'm just like him, I've little doubt;
I couldn't stop it going out!
I've had it all:
Endoscopy, cystoscopy,
(I missed the radiotherapy).
Ultrasound and C.T. scan,
M.R.S. and B.C.G.
There couldn't have been much to see.
The weeks rolled by and still I waited
With paracetamol sedated
Until my longed-for date came round
And off for Portsmouth I was bound.
I set off with some trepidation
But not a hint of hesitation.
After a time of near starvation
They took me for my operation.
Coming round was quite a scare;
I woke up in intensive care!
I hadn't died and gone to heaven...
Soon I was back there in Ward Seven.
Oh, what is life? I'm glad to say
That now the surgeon's had his way
It's better now, I'm very happy.
I've got a bag and ditched the nappy!
In fact, I'm really quite content...
I'm dry and not incontinent!
There now, my story's written down.
I beg you, reader. Do not frown.
Consider this: The time it took
Then thank the Lord it's not a book!
I didn't need to have a piss!
Cairngormless
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Cairngormless
Glad you enjoyed it. Just as well I'm not quite old enough to have written about the Tay Bridge Disaster. Cairngormless.
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Hollister
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Past Member
Witty, clever and ever so hilarious, most excellent!!!
Methinks we have our very own ostomate poet laureate!
Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
