Dating Online with a Stoma: My Experience and Insights

Toony, here's the deal:

1) You can say never mind and be a chicken or just say it 😁 (this is me kidding).

2) Since you don't like sports and your state doesn't have a baseball team, I declare you an honorary Cubs fan. Now you have a favorite baseball team, no need to thank me.
3) Bagels - apparently, I say this word with an accent. When I was in South FL, they told me there was a place that brings tankers full of water down from NY/NJ because the water they use to make them makes a huge difference. So I won't fight you on that. Cheesecake though… there's this Chicago-based company called Eli's that one of my relatives works for. I don't know how well known it is outside of Chicago, but their cheesecake is amazing!

4) I don't know if I can handle a conversation with you and Bob at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I can hold my own, but I'm really tired haha.

Hi Jodie - Always enjoy Pequod's but haven't been back for a visit in a year. Usually try to lay over for a day on the way to Montana/Wyoming to go fly-fishing. Worth the detour. Did my postgraduate at Purdue, so was in Chicago a lot in the early days. Best

(Not knowing where this will show up or actually be seen, I am replying to

Jooooooooooooodie..

1. Never mind... whatever... sorry you feel that way. Condescending much??

Three little phrases the holier-than-thou say in order to control the flow of conversation or give a negative vibe in your face.

It was a test, Jodie, to see your reaction. A member used "never mind" in a thread we answered a while back, and it hit a nerve with me. Blew me away. Sent her a winded reply... THAT reply got lost. I asked her what she meant by that "never mind" comment.

I found it demeaning. Has no reflection on you, dear. I just rattled your cage, huh? Oops.

2. Thank you. I'm a Cubs fan?? But we do have NJ DEVILS... I think.

3. Uh oh... feeling a crayon upon me.

4. It's all about the water.

Let me see if this was submitted. BRB.

I've really enjoyed reading this thread lol

Hi Nikki...

I am happy to hear from you. 🙋‍♂️ I am glad you are enjoying the thread. I hope others like you comment positively. I suggested you drop by.

I am looking forward to you staying on and adding your own experiences. Will you do that? 🤗

Scamming: I have mentioned the word, and several others relating to... O.L.D. (online dating).

It has landed here on MAO.

Ladies & Gents?

1 - I busted that scammer. According to the MAO rep,

he emailed that this young lady is off the site. I will follow up though.

2 - If you receive an unsolicited email or text, whether here (MAO) or there (O.L.D.), do your research.

Shall I elaborate? Please have a seat. Get a snack. Alex, slide the crayons aside.

Pay attention to any new members.

This 31-year-old nurse from CA, USA, was attempting to get males to fund her retirement.

Her "likes" list became a hit list.

She reached out to four men that I have personally spoken to, selling them a different story. Selling them an idea she would relocate to "help them."

Alex, bring in the crayons.

No need for crayons on this one, she sent me a message too. Not sure why you had to turn her in, she's just trying to help and make a living while doing so. 🤷‍♂️😁

I have no dating adventures to report haha. Haven't dipped my toe in the water, so to speak. 😊😊😊

Oh my. Sounds like I've missed something good here. 😬 Gotta look back through the thread.

Hi Heather!! Thanks for dropping in 🙋‍♂️ Please go back to the original thread and get caught up 😊 Maybe you could add some feedback or experiences? Thanks.

Remove "trying to help".

Insert "trying to pimp herself".

Wow... 1200 views!! 🕺💃

But I like it. 🤗 Thanks!!

Viewers, don't be shy... chime in.

Update: Cast my line out to this local nurse. She's been nibbling a bit, so I asked her for a meet and greet... and have been waiting... and waiting... You can tell when a person is online at the same time as you. So I see her online... she must have seen my request... So you have to ask yourself, why doesn't she answer me now?

Perhaps she is talking to other sharks? 🦈

I will wait and report soon.

Happy Hump Day!

My comment is in response to Warrior's

Dec 29, 2023 8:42 pm
Reply to Beachboy

The discussion took the route of discussing deafness from birth and the impact this has upon people's behavior and understanding:

Thank you both Beach Boy and Warrior for this as I learned from you both:

Great insight... Thanks for this - most enlightening.

 

I have gradually lost my hearing since the age of 50-something - maybe a tad before that.

 

Fact is that so much of what we perceive is governed by visual cues and feeling...

When I first had hearing aids I used to find them irritating/inconvenient...

Now I have sophisticated digital slim ones - and yes, they're actually great...

But still, there are days where I like to really 'work' my hearing - because rather like eyesight, when sight deteriorates with city pollution, stress, lack of sleep, IT work [screen strain - not IT person - lol] and fine detailing on the drawing board, painting easel, it used to be the constant change... contact lenses for close up - then specs for driving and large presentations/board room meetings and so on - all packed into a working 16-hour day... Then, when you downshift to a clean air environment and a better quality of life the eyes 'recover' and eyesight improves.

Now with hearing loss/decline I do realize that there is also the brain adjustment thing when we use our aids... but fact is I still like to know I can live - and live well without the aid - either from choice, or out of necessity... BUT I do warrant that it is unfair to expect - in my case - for an upped volume or continual voice projection by others, just because I prefer not to 'normalize' on occasions. SO my own two penneth on my own limited understandings are aired - as prior to reading your post - I probably knew little more concerning Audiology - let alone the Psychology involved as you have shared here!

 

Thanks for your own explanations - In a short focused read, you have imparted what audiologists do not have the insight to even expose!

 

 

On a separate point entirely,

My school used to be geographically next to a special school for the deaf [and in those sad old days some folk thought 'dumb'... the school was known as "the deaf and dumb school"!]... My-Oh-My

 

We [the school I went to for hearing kids, situated next door in the same road] used to play the school for a joint sports day... hockey rounders in the Autumn / and tennis / netball in Spring / summer.

I was a very sporty person.

This got me to know fairly well, within the school context, a few of the girls, who were deaf from birth.

 

 

Many years later in life I found myself in business, fronting a presentation company - and used to go to meetings and presentations - to pitch and bring in work, service the briefs and then present finished products/tools.

One of the most moving experiences I had was when I first went into a charity board room meeting where everyone - apart from myself used their full senses to supplement their non-hearing sense.

In fact, the very particular atmosphere of 'a quiet in-depth knowing' was palpable - those people were the most perceptive and deeply enquiring audience I had ever had the privilege to present to, and later to represent!

 

I, have as I have grown a little, come to know that, whilst I would love for all to experience fine symphonies [for not everyone hears stuff in their heads quite like Beethoven did for example]... and the magic of bird song when the dawn chorus lifts my spirit on a dull winter's day, I know, in my own heart, that if I ever have to trade one of my senses - my hearing would be missed, ohhhhhhhh yeah... v.v.v. much, but touch, feeling, sight and our other 6th+ senses I would feel severely numbed if they were absent indefinitely!

 

Sooooooooo just saying

 

Thanks Warrior. Thanks Beach Boy.

Your words have resulted in a read I never expected to have tonight!

R E S P E C T

 

Aged, 'Listening' Member across the pond - who tries to keep her ears young!

 

~ ~ ~ waves ~ ~ ~

Jayne

Even though I rarely keep my responses that brief! Jb

G'day Warrior, what I like about you, mate, is you call a spade a spade. In fact, you call it a f-cking shovel. Might be a saying you have, but I think you get the point. You're my kind of guy. Regards, IGGIE

I was scammed by somebody on here pretending like they really, really like you and worry about you and blah blah blah, and then say, "Oh, I have this problem and I need help." I've always been kind-hearted, but I'm learning how to be cold-hearted because that person took me for close to 20 grand. I was stupid and believed that the person would pay me back. Mr. Man isn't here now unless he's under another name. Shame on me for forgetting, shame on me for not being able to get him charged. Thank you to my kids for putting me straight. Thank God I didn't give any personal information to get into my real money. He cries because he's tried to contact me since, telling me, "Oh, you called me a scammer," blah blah blah, so he canceled his subscription. But I think he opened it under another name, although I think I'm smarter than him. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not supposed to have a man in my life. I was married twice, I've been widowed twice, and you know what? Having my new grandbaby in my life is better than having a man. In fact, I'm gonna be bold and say this: a toy is much better. It doesn't talk back, it can do what you want, and you can enjoy it. Do whatever you want. Now, I'm sorry I went there, but I was feeling really lonely and I got taken advantage of, one monetarily and the other emotionally. Yeah, somebody started talking to me and then all of a sudden stopped, so I don't know what's wrong with me. I must not attract the opposite sex. I'll be good on my own. Thank you very much. I can take care of myself. I can live with myself and my family around me. That's all I gotta say. And warrior, sorry if it was TMI.

Rose Bud

Bless you for the openness and personal sharing: You are a very special person - and so is your husband. Some of us spend years processing - keeping it all inside - I have a very great respect for you. It is only in my latter years that I am beginning to be a little more open about the deeper feelings we all have at the soul level.

Blessings

Hug

Jayne

Hello everybody,

I hope folks don't mind me posting here as a general "Thank You" on the whole topic "Dating online? Stoma issue? You say?"

I think I have read most of the threads and, as someone who does not have a social media account or use any forum other than this one - have never explored any dating sites and probably to some of the members sound like an absolute old fart - I am learning a lot and find this online social currency insightful.

That said, you might not believe that I was one of the early web designers and CD-ROM makers when last century companies were just beginning to put up their first presence on the web - so my understanding of IT used to mean [and still does to me] Information Technology [as well as my understanding of an intelligent attractive person reference too].

This is the first social resource site that I have really spent any time looking in on... and that has only been as a consequence of my experience with a clinical trial of a medtech device - for the rest of my pre-and stoma life I kept my experience a hidden personal reality.

I am still involved with the world in which I live and currently strive to keep updated and abreast of AI developments which are game changers on a daily development drop basis!

On a human note, I am grateful when I am accepted within the community as I have been here; it is a new experience for me to be able to begin to express inner feelings with others who have the courage to share.

This is a learning curve for me.

Thanks for tolerating my posts -

I will try and keep these short and direct.

 

Cheers to all - and TY.

 

 

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ waves ~ ~ ~ ~

Jayne

Very relatable - I was deeply immersed in technology during the Y2K era - thankfully long forgotten and we all survived. Been married for almost 60 years, so no need for dating websites… never even gave a second thought to joining MAO and that it could possibly be a dating site as well as information sharing. Thank goodness for my naivety as I may have just passed by it (playing the old people's card here). Livin' and learnin' no matter how old I get! 🤔 jb

I discovered much later that MaO was also a dating site.

For stoma-related information, this site is the best. I was in the "wilderness" after surgery. The stoma nurse gave me an ostomy product catalog. I thought, "What the hell is all this stuff, and how is it used?" A couple of weeks on MaO... and it all makes sense.

Jan. 10th, I made attempts to catch that nurse from another dating site. Asked for the meet and greet... It's been a week and still not a word from her. 🙇 Yet see her online many times...

I mean even a business letter gets answered in a week. 💁

Just waiting it out. Few more days... Then I'm gonna call her out...

You know it's like this... If you aren't interested, be kind or adult-ish about it and say so...

Plants get hung out, people should not.

Then another gal from here I wrote to... PM'd her (private message)... She took a photo peek

at me... That was a few days ago... And boom out of the blue she starts a thread about dating. How potentials are too far away...

How her location is so remote... To bag or not bag a date.

Blah blah. It's called effort, honey.

There have been members who've driven hundreds of miles to meet their better half. Even crossed the pond, too... ✈️🛩️🚁

Effort... Risk... Yeah... Of course, investment is needed.

It's called time...

And yes, Virginia... This is a social dating, information site.

You don't know what's going on behind the monitor.

Which leads to scamming.

Never show desperation. It's a red flag, and scammers pick up on that. But you have the know-how to call them out.

I did with this young lady named Candy Lee... Another member told me, "Check her out - she seems fishy." So I did.

Several men followed her by liking her. I spoke to those men. Guess what? Each had a different story from her.

I got her booted.

Don't be sorry. It's not TMI.

Everyone has a story, and these stories need to be written, positive or negative.

Lessons learned.

You felt something and followed through.

Your heart guided you. Your brain was out to lunch.

Scammer or ??

Another gal popped up on my radar. So it's either men or women doing it... scamming. All take note.

This one mentions nothing of a stoma. I didn't see any topics from her. Still need to investigate and if I am wrong, will eat my hat.

If I'm right, guys in particular, get a clue, huh? A two-line profile she includes... "looking..."

Where is our stoma detective when we need him???

 

Lt. Columbo... The Case of the Heart-Shaped Stoma.

 

Well, now that I know, and I might add I've been on here for a good amount of time and your posts have opened up my eyes… and since you called me out, I believe I will stay on my side of town where, although hectic (with a stoma), apparently not near as hectic as with a stoma and Desperately Seeking Susan - 🫣… jb… aka Virginia 😜

Warrior, ease up on all the conspiracy theories, not everyone is out to get you. Just ask a lady out, go out, see what happens, and relax. No wonder you can't find anyone if you think they're all out to get you in some devious form.

Good morning, Alex!

How's it going, bro?

Well, I'm reading your reply and I'm shaking my head about these conspiracy theories you think I have. Not true.

I don't believe anybody's out to get me. It's not the reason behind my motive to find out who the scammers are on this site. My motive is to inform the innocents about it and stop them from becoming victims. Is that difficult for you to understand? I will use crayons. 🤣

The unknowing victims—these people—in the event they become a poor sap willing to give this scammer money in hopes of a relationship here. Ain't gonna happen on my watch.

And yeah, I just happen to have the time to investigate some of these women—for example—which I found one and it wasn't only me who felt this way. Perhaps those men will chime in to support me?

It was the people who "liked" her. She was writing to them. I contacted them to find out that they too were scammed or going to be scammed. Come on, Alex. You have heard of this happening, yes?

 

So I guess you really need to be in that position where you're dumb enough to believe a 30-year-old woman—a nurse in this case—is going to be there to change your appliance "love you good long time." And in this particular case, the woman—Candy Lee—was using that kind of like a carrot—a plus—to entice men. Nobody's out to get me, brother. There's no conspiracy.

This is a real fact of life and until you've actually been scammed you probably don't know what I'm talking about. There are people out here—in the real world—that make a career out of ripping you off whether it's on a dating site or you get these telephone calls out of the blue, people trying to sell you insurance or a loan. So I respect what you may think of me, but I respectfully deny the fact that you think I'm having a conspiracy theory about all women. No. So far I found one and the second one I'm going to investigate and see what's up with that. I mean if you look back into this thread, you'll see a woman on here got ripped off almost $20,000. Ask her about being scammed. Boom!

How anyone gets scammed dating (being the keyword here) is beyond me. 🤷‍♂️ Dating is about getting to know someone, not giving them your bank accounts or life savings. I guess you're the MAO scammer police, have fun. 🚓 Keep it simple…. 🖍️

Good for you. 👍

I just wanted to update as of today is February 2024.

I've been looking at potential dates out of state and it would appear that mileage and distance seem to be a huge issue.

So that doesn't deter me. I'm keeping in touch with these people, but like they said, they would prefer somebody closer. And I'm like, good luck with that. No foul, no harm trying to find somebody close by. But let me tell you, as far as the other online dating site that I've been part of, I'm getting women in my area code who just don't seem interested for some reason. Whether they're shy, whether they're just window shopping, maybe their laundry list of the guy they want isn't me.

I don't know what, but it remains to be seen.

It's not stopping me, so I just thought I'd give you folks an update on the situation, and I will be updating further when or if a connection is made.

You keep your chin up and you keep that confidence, you'll find somebody with or without a stoma.