My young daughter has just had a full hysterectomy.
After a seven-hour extensive surgery, she will now have to come to terms with not only not having children but also having a stoma bag.
Please, can anyone offer me advice on how I can help my daughter after so much loss?
Be there for her, let her know what a blessing her being alive is. Sometimes we don't get to choose our path, and we need to know how much our being here means. With myself finding out you had a heart attack, have diabetes, and cancer all at once, all alone thanks to COVID, almost losing my life 7 times, but I'm still here, I am blessed to be here, alive, still going through things that fall in my path.
My faith came to me when my daughter could change my bag and I was in denial… I thought I would be put back together but nah, cancer again… I feel blessed to have a bag and not diapers… I know we regress when we get older but, I doubt I would want to change my own diapers… however, I have claimed my stoma to be mine, afresh cancer has lifted its ugly head back into my life, and now home healing. Teach your daughter to be strong, she is blessed, there are great people in this group, and most care, you know there are those few people that test us.
You're going to be a great support system, along with all of us, and her medical people. Hugs to you, mom!
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Hello Connie,
Why did she have all this done? What type of ostomy does she have? Is she married? Will she have further medical treatment?
All of us on this website have dealt with pain, suffering, and loss. Many times, loved ones leave, unwilling to help shoulder the burden that comes with being an Ostomymate.
Your daughter has a tough road ahead. Just be there for her. To listen and provide comfort. After she physically heals, the emotional toll this has taken on her will be hard to overcome.
The only thing we can do is accept our new "normal" and carry on. We cannot allow ourselves to wallow in the depths of pity and despair. I've been there. The hardest thing I've ever done is recover and get my life back.
Take care
What Beachboy said... more info needed. Details are needed.
What Itsme said also. But if you get too close "in her face" kinda thing, you could be rejected.
More advice will be coming from members facing both issues... sit tight...
May I just say your anxiousness to help your daughter is overwhelming you, Connie?
Of course you wanna do everything you can for her...
Not sure how old she is... I do know she needs to be here and you, too... but maybe on the sidelines...
She alone needs to be among her peers. That's us for the stoma issues... and females here have gone through hysterectomies... try not to be a third party relaying info she herself can access.
You can't possibly know how she feels being in her shoes...
This may sound harsh but allow her to enlighten you, not the other way around.
You are in the right place. Get her here too. 👍
Don't over-mother her. If she's physically capable of doing the necessary steps to change her ostomy stuff, let her do it. Don't dwell on the issues. It's time to heal and get on with life, not sit around moping and having Mom do everything.
Uhm... you're nearly 60, let's assume your daughter is in her thirties...
I had a hysterectomy and a stoma at the same time... my diagnosis was bladder cancer on top of a very bad case of endometriosis... so I already lived my adult life knowing it would be nearly impossible to have children... and was 48 when I had surgery.
Even being already in perimenopause... the first week or two was a rollercoaster of hormonal moods, laughing for silly things and crying a lot, just for someone being gentle or for a sentimental commercial on TV... you feel weird and out of control and it is sudden... and no substitute hormonal therapy possible, because of endometriosis...
So if she feels the same, tell her it's normal... my sister helped me find it normal by telling me how she felt after giving birth... same sudden hormonal changes...
Also, her belly will probably be huge, very swollen for up to four weeks...
Even without pain, I felt like a turtle on her back, unable to move the way I wanted and always felt ready to burst open... having a drain helped but still fluid was seeping from the stitches, especially once the drain was taken out and I got sent home...
Tell her it will pass, give it time and don't force recovery... walking a bit might help, but nothing wrong with laying down until she feels stronger...
Sleeping on her side will take close to two months... before it's comfortable again...
Tell her to come here and ask whatever she wants to know... or just to share with us how she feels...
You're doing the best you can, but she is the one feeling things... and we know what she feels... we can understand and help... and we will do it.
Hi there,
Best advice is to be there for her and go at her pace. Be there for her, listen, let her cry, vent, whatever she has to do. Just hold her hand, listen, and let her know she isn't alone and you're with her every step. I found out at the age of 25 I wasn't going to be able to have children, and it broke my heart. I had always wanted kids. As time went on, I came to terms with the fact I wasn't going to be able to. I cried and was upset for a little bit, but then I realized there was always the choice of adopting. I am not sure if you believe in God, but God has a special plan for each and every one of us, and He has one for your daughter too.