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Past Member
Posted by Past Member, on Fri Sep 16, 2011 4:02 pm
I haven't dated since my surgery a year and a half ago. I just can't imagine any woman would or could be interested in me now. I'll just have to accept being alone for the rest of my life. It will be very lonely, but at least no one will worry about me when I fly into a fit of rage about my predicament, which happens alot now. I don't want any sympathy. I don't need anybody's inspiring words. I'm posting this to rant and keep from breaking things or hurting myself for at least while I'm typing. I hate my life to bad I can't change things.
Reply by erika, on Fri Sep 16, 2011 4:14 pm
i have dated since my ostomy (but only with another ostomate) its the person that matters not "having a bag".you have to be happy with yourself first then other people will be happy with you.after all its only a bit of "altered plumbing".
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:59 pm
No words of inspiration or sympathy, as you asked my friend.

Only thing I have to say is ....YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE ON THIS SIGHT. We all deserved better, but have to play with the cards we were dealt.  There are some MUCH younger and sicker than you or I. We all feel your pain, frustration and fear. You haven't cornered the market on self-pity either.
If you're alone or isolated, change it. You can't change whats happened to your body,
BUT......... YOU CAN CHANGE HOW YOU LIVE WITH IT. It's the one thing that you DO have complete control over buddy.
No one understands more than we do. We're here to listen and I'm personally honored when someone feels safe enough to share  their feelings with me.  I too was afraid and lonely when I accidently found this site looking for supplies. I'm still amazed by the shear numbers of us around the world. It gave me hope , assured me that I had the right to look forward instead of backwards, consider all the possibilities, but more than that,  I had to accept that I lost my colon not my brain or heart future is MY responsibility.

I'm so glad you decided to rant today, makes me feel better just knowing you remembered we were here.......YOU ARE NEVER ALONE...there's an army of us!!!!

Your ostomy sister, BEG
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Fri Sep 16, 2011 6:16 pm
Browneyedgirl - you said it all and said it beautifully.  Thank you.  I needed to hear it also.

Death, to you ...  and to each and all of us.  I hope you keep reading.  There are amazing stories of dating, relationships, love, and acceptance.

Carol,  'dawneagle'
Reply by Blacksmith, on Fri Sep 16, 2011 8:48 pm
I know how you feel. I was married when i had my cancer surgery and lost my bladder ,prostate and most of all my man hood. Than she left me and we divorced. i was forced in to being single again, tryed to date but didnt work out . had to deal with rejection than i had a lady on this site tell me if the cant se past the bag they arnt worth having. Ive come to realize when the rite one comes a long i will jump in head first. Keep your head up keep looking. Dont let life get you down, ive been there and its hell . But like the song says If your going through hell keep on going and maybe you can get through before the devil will know your there. Ok im done if you want to talk let me know.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Fri Sep 16, 2011 9:24 pm
Other than being real bitter about your situation, you didn't go in to what your
prognosis is.  Will you be able to have a reversal?  Do you have friends that are
empathetic towards you?

I hear this a lot from souls concerned about dating.  It seems  to
me that while reading between the lines that most mates who are complaining
about being an osteomate are concerned about their date finding out about the bag and them rejecting them.  Ain't but two ways your date is going to find out about the bag 1.  you tell  them...which seems silly to me, or 2. they find out another way, which usually consists of a sexual encounter.  It is possible to have a dating experience with out even mentioning the fact that you have "the bag"
I probably am a a lot older than you, but I understand the "date" thing.  Time to "man up"
and if you are sincere, date without baring your soul or another part of your anatomy.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sat Sep 17, 2011 2:59 am
Dawneagle, I totally agree with your sentiments. Beg put it perfectly. We all need some reassurance every now and again about where we're going. And being a daily reader of the forums and blogs on this site always inspires me. I've spent many sleepless nights recently worrying about what lies ahead for me, but knowing there are kindred spirits out there helps so much and more importantly being able to talk about it with someone makes the difference. I've been through the "mill" of divorce some 12 years ago and spent so long doubting myself that life was passing me by and this whole new chapter of my life has changed my perspective. But I feel its changed me for the better. Don't be one of those who Mark Twain talks about when he said "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do." Get out there and make some new friends! Take care, Colm
Reply by Welshman, on Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:03 am
Hi mate.Shortly after my surgery my wife left me.My world was over.No woman could fancy a man with a colostomy i thought.I became depressed and miserable.One day i joined this site,and people gave me hope.I joined another dating site,and before long had met a lovely woman who only lived a mile away.She has,nt got an ostomy,but fully accepts me having one.We are now buying a property in the Welsh hills and life could,nt be better.So you just have to believe that thing,s can get better,and will.Good luck.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sun Sep 18, 2011 12:20 pm
"That's the way there Welshman,  OUTSTANDING !!!" I couldn't be happier for you. I can honestly say that I have never loved nor been loved more than now. Just further proof that you never give up. BE be the kind of person that you want to be with, and it's amazing how things can change.....

Reply by Lalu, on Mon Sep 19, 2011 5:17 am
Death, I'd love to share some sympathetic words with you, but will refrain.  I'd love to be able to rant, but if I allow myself to start spewing out my rage, I'm afraid of never being able to stop.  Had an ileo in 2009. Husband died in 2010.  My dog kept me going when my husband died.  For months, I only got out of bed to feed him and let him out.  He's my best bud, I talk to him all throughout the day as if he's a person (which he is) and wouldn't be surprised if one day he started to talk back.  He's my first dog and we've been together over 8 years.  Last week the vet told me he'd be thrilled if the dog was still around a year from now.  I believe that if I'm ever going to lose it, it will be if my dog goes first.  I'm close to my family but don't see anyone more than once or twice a year, max.  Don't know why it works this way, but without increasing your rage, I feel like you've taken some of mine out of me, so I hope you don't mind me just saying thanks.

BEG, I've been seeing alot of your posts lately, agree with everything of yours that I've read and feel both inspired by and envious of your serenity and acceptance of your situation.  You seem to know just what to say, regardless of the topic.  I'm a few years older than you, but going by how you sound, I'd guess your ostomy age is older than my 2 1/2 years.  You're one of the people on this site I want to be as my ostomy grows up if I don't get a reversal and don't lose my sanity.  Thank you for your words and your wisdom.
Reply by Welshman, on Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:38 am
Browneyedgirl wrote:
"That's the way there Welshman,  OUTSTANDING !!!" I couldn't be happier for you. I can honestly say that I have never loved nor been loved more than now. Just further proof that you never give up. BE be the kind of person that you want to be with, and it's amazing how things can change.....

Thanks Browneyedgirl.Never give up.Its onward and upward,to infinity and beyond for me and you.
Reply by DasaniB12, on Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:29 am
Not going to offer words of wisdom, or tell you what to do or how you should deal and or feel about your self esteem.  Just simply going to say....I can relate.   Sometimes just knowing someone else can relate is enough.
Reply by mooza, on Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:29 pm
Um anyone notice death didnt reply i sure wouldnt date somone who wants to smash eveything up ... And yes i can relate too ..... If he stayed he might of met a lady friend in here DUHHHHH   Like yeah i jumped off a bridge just cause i could (bungee) rope in tow hahahah but thats not cause i had my ostomy life i thought was over coz i was turning 30 LOLOL
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:00 pm
I for one, would like to know what happened to him.  However, he pulled the rest of us into a great discussion.  I hope he checks in again and tells us a few things.  I do wish him well.
Reply by Rabbit, on Mon Sep 19, 2011 11:54 pm
My self will never look at others the same. The extra look at the lump in my side, the vertical scan as try to figure it out. Not easy to deal with so I work harder at accepting others and to see who they really are. We've all been on one end or the other of the spectrum. My focus is on generating good karma. Maybe it will come back to me- certainly can't hurt.
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