This topic is all about finding ways to enhance intimacy when living with an ileostomy. The person who started the conversation is looking for practical tips and insights to make intimacy more appealing and is open to hearing about both successes and challenges. They also suggest that involving a partner in changing a wafer might help reduce anxiety.

Here are some helpful pieces of advice and insights shared by others:

Attitude & Communication

- Confidence is key. Treat your ostomy as a normal part of life, and your partner is likely to follow your lead.
- It's often best to tell a new partner about your ostomy before becoming intimate. A simple explanation can work wonders. If someone is put off, they might not be the right person for you.
- Focus on building mental and emotional intimacy first, as this often leads to more relaxed physical intimacy.
- Use your ostomy as a way to gauge a partner's character. If they can't handle it, they might not be the right fit.
- If you're struggling with depression or body-image issues, counseling can be a great help in overcoming barriers to intimacy.

Practical Preparation

- Take a shower and empty or change to a fresh pouch before intimacy, as partners tend to notice odors more when the bag isn't fresh.
- Many find it easiest to be intimate a few hours after changing the wafer and on days when the pouch won't need changing soon.
- Avoid foods and drinks like spicy foods, fish, garlic, eggs, coffee, asparagus, and alcohol beforehand, as they can increase odor.
- Consider using daily cranberry juice, peppermint oil, commercial deodorizing drops, mouthwash in the pouch, or products with charcoal filters to reduce smells.

Positions, Cover-ups & Accessories

- Standard positions usually don't put pressure on the stoma area, but you can guide your partner's hand away if needed.
- You can cover or support the pouch with commercial ostomy belts, support garments, or homemade solutions like a wider garter belt or lacy sash.
- Specialty "intimacy pouches" are small, round, opaque bags that are no larger than the wafer and can be useful.
- Camisoles, loose T-shirts, or leaving a shirt on can help hide the appliance without affecting the mood.
- A dab of perfume or cologne in the groin area can help mask any residual scent.

Dating & Relationships

- Some people with ostomies prefer dating others with ostomies and report happier experiences.
- Others have found supportive partners without ostomies, and success often depends more on the partner's openness than on the appliance.
- Rejection can happen, but it's important to see it as protection from the wrong person rather than a reflection of your worth.

Mind-set Takeaway

- Remember, "If the sex is good, the wrapping paper doesn’t matter."
- Your ostomy saved your life, and embracing it openly can make intimacy much easier than trying to hide it.