Dating Online with a Stoma: My Experience and Insights

How long after your stoma did you start to feel comfortable dating and showing potential significant others your stoma?
I'm 4 months out and my belly looks like a road map in addition to my colostomy. Right now I'm just happy to be alive, but at 55 I'd like to think I will eventually grow used to this new me and maybe meet someone.

Hi Kaz... I am using the laptop. My phone is much like my bag, a P.O.S.

Quickly, I was married to a woman I lived with prior to the ostomy surgery. It wasn't easy for either of us. But we met in 2001, married in 2012. In 2016, I had surgery for ostomy and divorced in 2022. By this time, I was very comfortable. And till this present day, no one sees the stoma guy... why should they?

Your scars will heal and become a distant memory.

You will eventually grow used to this new thing and life, and you will meet someone either with an ostomy or not.

Since you said colostomy, was there ever mention of reversal? Putting your outsides back inside of you?

G-Day Warrior, have you asked if she's got a stoma? Could break the ice. A lot of guys try to find a stoma girl, but I reckon you should be looking for a stoma nurse, and she can change the bag for you. Regards, IGGIE

Keep us up to date.

Hi Iggie, thanks for your input.

The relationship is now moot with that fish that started a week ago...

It was in due because the fish felt duped by my 6-year-old profile pic. There is a cold element in her text messages. She is feeling scorned.

It really didn't matter if she had a stoma or not, or if she was hiding it. I was definitely hiding mine because, frankly, I really don't want any women to know I have it in case the relationship goes south.

I don't know, maybe it's a personal thing that I'm experiencing, but it's nobody's business but my own.

I change my own bag. Don't understand your reference there about needing a stoma nurse for it.

Anyone would be grossed out by that. No thanks.

I don't have any problem with changing myself until my fingers can't do it, and then I'll look into other options. But the woman here that's posting about the length of time and if anybody has seen my stoma, this is rather interesting because since I was married, I never really thought about how my wife would feel about doing anything for me while I had it.

I do know I felt like crap and my relationship took a hit because of that. I completely closed down and absolutely no one has seen my stoma outside of a stoma nurse, and I mean, I think it's kind of personal. That's like asking me to see a dry vagina.

The only reason why I would do that is if we were intimate and if there was something wrong with her, I would hope that she would tell me that prior to any sexual relations. At our age, women have that. I was told on here about this. So you think a woman should mention that? It's the same equivalent.

But then again, it's all about timing. Why would she bring that up on any dates?

I do have an experience with a woman who was a diabetic who actually had to wear two different appliances specifically for measuring her sugar, and she told me that right off the top, right off the first date. I was like wowed because she told me this on the first day, and I had asked her, "Do you think I'm going to run because of this? Do you think this is something that you wanted to tell me to see my reaction?" And I was kind of laughing when I said that because she still didn't know I had a stoma.

And she said... no.

Laughing with her, I said, "Sweetie, that ain't nothing." We were getting along so well after that.

She never asked why I responded that way. I never told.

And it wasn't until about the 5th date that I actually confided in her and I told her I had a stoma and upcoming Ken butt surgery. Guess what? I haven't heard from her since that 5th date.

Ouch.

After I told her, I explained wanting to go forward with our relationship because I liked her a lot. She countered, "Not ready for commitment."

This was three months before my surgery. So two months after my surgery, I checked up on her. Told her surgery was complete. Let's go out.

She countered, "Good luck. I'm in a relationship. It was nice meeting you."

Ouch.

For the love of women, can we stop talking about finding one to date/be with using hunting/fishing terms as if we are something to be preyed upon? In the animal world, in a lot of species, it is the male that has to draw the attention... I call it "peacocking" (I know there's a real term for this, but I like my word).

Here's to you for putting yourself out there and showing up to the date. You gotta be yourself and not whoever you were 6 years ago though ;)

It makes me sad when someone feels they have to hide parts of themselves... I chose the words 'have to hide' purposefully because there is a difference in someone choosing what they do/not share for reasons that matter to them vs. because of what someone else might think. Be you. If it's the right person, an ostomy, other medical condition, or disability will be a moot point. She'll want you for you.

You really dodged a bullet by not getting into a relationship with a woman who is Italian/French. That I.F. combo... (to anyone who is Italian/French, I'm kidding in case my sarcasm didn't come through).

But seriously, I hope you're not dissuaded by how this particular date ended and have the guts to start up a conversation with someone new.

(The above is said with sarcasm, humor, and truth)

Hi Jodie... Happy New Year! Kiddo... Good reply. A little late to the party though.

I think I can clarify with almost 100% certainty that the English vocab is taking a hit. Webster's can't keep up... I just want to touch on this first lightly...

There is certain lingo, slang, definitions of words that can be taken the wrong way... a culture out there in the digital world and even on the street. Would you all agree? Terms have double meanings, sayings are way out there too... like shut the front door? I don't know who thought of this, my door is locked all the time. Yet... other people know it's a nicer way to say STFU. I am just putting this out to prove my point of a word culture being out of context, and some of us old farts do not "get this" shit.

Peacocking? Your word? I gotta look that up to comment. But you are right in the animal world, the male will draw attention... and then what after mating? Split.

When someone is kidding, I see (JK) for just kidding. Sarcasm has never been my forte in writing. I use the emojis for that... some get it, some don't.

One thing you must learn is humor. You gotta have a sense of it to be on a site. Also, have some fun with it when replying. You saw Jodie's reply... I wouldn't be surprised if she knocks on my front door saying

"Tonnnnnnnny... open this effing door... you got some explaining to do."

I am not telling you to STFU... but if I did, I would (JK) you, hon...

Re: fish? You are too cute. You are married to a wonderful man, and I think you don't frequent dating sites, but if you did, you would be surprised to know there's a site dedicated to married people... to hook up... hook? fish? hm... popular term nowadays. Even DATE has a double meaning. Two sites come to mind... Bumble Bee... and Plenty of Fish... Those who read my posts, I hope can read between the lines where I found this "fish." Names were not used to protect the innocent.

Fishing, hunting, baseball, all have significant true reference for us guys. Women also are nowadays more interested in games than they used to be. I am floored seeing women profiles saying they fish, hunt, and are into sports. I am also told, Home Depot and Lowe's are hot spots to meet a guy.

((Editor's note: I have to submit this reply several times to make sure it does in fact get posted... so after in this process, editing, I see my gal-pal Jodie already replied cause she is a quick-wit chick. I will answer that separately but for viewers, I have to submit and come back, since there seems to be a glitch using a laptop over a cell. It is showing I have edited this 5 times in a row, so the reason is obvious now.))

Agreed, we have to put ourselves out "there" on here especially to drive home a point. We are real. We suffer fates, we can be an ass... but we can discuss it... deeply, empathically, in terms where we do get whatever it is you are going through. But, the "fish" in my case was expecting to meet a 62 y.o. man who looked like he was 55... and yes, shallow as this seems, she was over the moon about how a man can be so young looking. My photo was taken in 2019... some years ago, and she was completely duped meeting me IRL. (in real life)

I flaunted it. I got burnt too. Just saying, keep your photo recent. I was not hiding my age, didn't even consider it cause no one really updates their photo and it is a given on sites... you just have to call them on it. "Hey, is this a recent photo or what?"

I have to disagree about first dates, letting them know about your dirty secret. If you win them with your charms, wit, intel, the secret can be discussed at the time needed. People have mixed feelings about the timing of when to "tell all at onset" or not. Some even went on to say the participant "didn't even know" they had a bag. Bull shitz... I need a picture as evidence to prove this cause I say NFW. (no-effing-way). Obviously, this ostomate was a magician or slipped a mickey into the drinks. Boink!

Being a warrior - albeit survivor, nothing sways me... nope... and as proof, I will show if this guy (me) can do it, get away with hiding it, will testify under oath, if it works. However, if I fail, then I eat crow. Good thing for the moment, I also have ageusia - lack of taste buds. Thank you, Ken Butt surgery.

((Theme from Mission Impossible, circa 1970s plays.) Oh oh, I got a better one... "The Osty Who Shagged Me".

You know I had responded like a week ago, but it didn't post, and the whole fish thing… couldn't let it go haha. 😛 People respond to posts weeks, months, years after the fact. I'm not worried.

You're right, I've been married over 17 years. Online dating is so different now than my pre-married days. When my brother met his wife through, I forget which site, he said it wasn't the wild Wild West like it used to be when I would've been dating… people were using sites like MySpace, and Facebook was still only for students. I remember my brother or a friend going with me the first time I'd meet up with someone I'd never met. One guy… I only remember his car… it was a really nice car 😝

If something I say is nice, I'm not teasing or being sarcastic. The sarcasm just comes out first so naturally for me… think of it like a sour patch kid candy 😁 If you ever tell me to STFU, you better believe I won't go quietly haha.

Hope you're having a good weekend! ☺️

It just happened, my post went poof to you in less than 5 minutes. I think this computer is timing me, and I timed out... so here we go again.

I see you know what I mean about these sites. It is the wild west, gone simply ape shit.

I forgot my original reply... STML... -short term memory loss- ugh...

Good to have you back and your two cents' worth.

My weekend? Well, if I could insert some musical scales to drive home a point...

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody... I got a stoma that just won't quit... hey hey... ooh, how I wish I had someone to talk to just to cut the shit.

Have a good one... TTYL.

This was too funny not to share… I went to type in the address for this site and as I'm typing ‘meet an' it brings up ‘meet an inmate.com.' My curiosity got the best of me and I had to go see what it was all about 🤣

That is funny.

I hope you don't see photos on that site as you surf.

Bob and I shared a cell years ago... (jk)

😳😳😳

Wow. Someone suggested I read this thread, so I just did. Most of it, at least. Wow. Hmmm... guess I said that already. I could take this in so many directions I'm actually confused about where to start. Think I'll just let sleeping dogs lie and simply say that, Bro... you brought this all on yourself. Had you spelled "i.t. girl" properly... it's "IT Professional," you could have saved MaO 3 pages of server space. But where the hell is the fun in that?

Crapster... good to talk to you... it's been a while... Warrior is right. We did share a cell a ways back. It was in Rahway State Prison, the crown jewel of NJ's antiquated prison system. Luckily, the warden was my girlfriend Cathy's brother at the time, and we got along great. He arranged the penthouse cell for Warrior and me, and we even entertained the inmates during our brief stay. One of the guards snapped a Polaroid of us and handed it to me as we were being released. It's below, and I'm on the right while Warrior is (obviously) the one on the left. He always had a thing for face paint... I hear he still does. THAT's gonna make online dating fun, eh?

Those WERE the days, eh War? Cher's song "If I Could Turn Back Time" just started playing in my head... go figure.

;O)

You're so brave dating. After not the best marriage in the world, I wouldn't have the confidence to even message someone on here.

Guess what, dude??

We're going to change that for you.

Be patient. You can do a search here and you might be surprised your twin is waiting 🕺💃

 

as kathy cat has said " you guys went way off topic". i have to agree that bob...u did it now.

tearing into this I.T. issue is not on topic as far as i am concerned. 

 

it was an element relating to her intelligence.. or her being a dumb ass.... or her interpretation of  " I.T.".   am grateful she wasn't thinking cousin it from  adams family. so yur point is moot.  suck on that.

i am in awe of how much you remember abt Jersey being a former resident.. the bagels..the pizza... but the prison system? i am not touching that.

you opened the door on that so pls shut the front door. up..🤫.

did u see the new furniture outlet called bobs?

the slogan is " oh my bob"

so i am substituting  OMB  for OMG..  it  is written.

as far as face paint? i use maybelline. cause i am worth it.

bitch!

I still look better than you with it or not.. any day 

now back to our scheduled topic programming.. ( love u man)

the fish has cooled her gills.... the temps. of conversation is like our weather, frosty &  cold. she has removed her profile description  but left selected photos of herself.

i put up a recent photo on mine. got some one interested locally. 

she is nurse. but i think very shy.. film at evelen...

now back to the fish...we still text like just two friends would.. im guessing  this is the " friend card"  that is commonly dealt..besides the dreaded ghosting that is also dealt at this point. i will take in stride.

unlike a certain person their experience where  lots of talk were exchanged in lieu of any photos,  it worked for him. a commitment..

sadly but grateful, it didn't work out for me bc this fish

turned into a psychopath from day one. 

tbc- to be continued. 

 

 

Yo Warrior Nation,

I'm not sure who Kathy Cat is, but tell her when someone replies specifically to a reply (and not to the original post thread) that's not going off topic. Topics are like tree roots and naturally branch out, so the main tap root stays intact and on course. That's why at the bottom of each post you'll see the "reply to this comment" option as well as being able to comment in the main post procession. Hey... is Kathy Cat the ding-dong 'fish' you met online that's got you shakin' in your boots? Kathy Cat the Fish? I knew you watched too much Dr. Seuss as a kid!

Now how you could have lived in the G State for all these years and not be familiar with the prison system is beyond me. It's what keeps you safe from all those around you intent on doing you harm. Like psychopaths online trolling looking for tall, dark, and handsome strangers nearby. The fact that you NJ'ers can live in safety at night (after locking the 7 deadbolts on your front door and arming the alarms you need to stop the thieves from stealing your alarms) is because the prison system is so effective! And some of those women guards are A-OK. At least I think they're women... hard to tell these days... could just be big-breasted men, I guess. ;O(

Yes, they play those "My Bob" furniture store commercials here as well, at least on my Pluto stream. Don't know about broadcast or cable TV, as I'm not dumb enough to pay to watch commercials. I'm not sure I like my name being associated with "furniture" made out of wood dust and glue... but most suburbanites these days don't seem to know the difference. We've got one of those "Fine Furniture" stores in town that sells the same crap for real furniture prices and the sheeple can't get enough of it. Go figure. Besides... who'd buy anything from a place called 'Warrior's Furniture'? Sounds too racist to me for all the NJ snowflake population and the anti-Redskin crowd around here.

I of course cede you the looks, my winged warrior bro. I was jealous for quite some time only being the brains of the bunch while you got all the hotties (in the back of Dad's Chevy while I drove), but like Mom tried to drill into our heads... life is a great equalizer... and we should focus on the long game. Besides, we both know that 'he who dies with the 'babe' wins.' So see ya at the finish line and we'll compare notes!

Now if you hook a nurse you've struck gold! Ostomies are a part of their day and they have no fear of them. So not only will she be wiping off the drool from your chin as you watch Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune from your wheelchair, she'll also dump your shitbag for you when that bad back of yours gets unmanageable! I was sitting here waiting at 10:55, but didn't see the film. Maybe I got different channels down here. But anyway, I'm STILL jealous, damn! Hey... see if she has a good-looking (younger) sister for your favorite brother (i.e., me!!!). And let's not even mention it to Mikey... he still thinks hot dogs have little legs!

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming, as you say. Me thinks you like that fish's attention. You were the only one in the boat when Dad took us fishing who thought we were done once you caught your first fish. Which is why Mom still sends you CARE packages with food in them each week. Toss her back and maybe try a longer pole. How's that for speaking 'metaphorically'?

Oh gosh... look at the time... it's just past 11:00 am. I should probably go to work now and put in my full 3 hours. Although technically I'm still on my Thanksgiving vacation. But hey, the world's problems won't get solved with me just sitting here building up your ego... so off we go!

PS Auntie just told me the date for the family reunion this year is July 4th at your place. We are going to have such a blast... I've hardly recovered from last year's! Heck, I haven't even patched the pool liner yet, but we did find your pink underwear way up in the tree!

NOW I'm out of rambles!

;O)

No, actually this Nancy cat has no relationship with me other than replying to a thread that she made. She was asking a question, and four of us replied to it—spot on. Then we started going off on tangents, and that's when she said the comment about "wow you guys went way off topic." Then she added a little remark, "never mind," which hit a nerve with me. No big deal. It appears she edited some of her profile, and I'm not going to start a shit storm by revealing her identity. Unless I am seeing things, Nancy cat no longer exists.

My bad. Never mind. Whatever.

Now Bob, how many times have I told you to never bring up that incident of pink underwear in the tree? Might I jog your memory of a live newscast a few years ago

where live TV showed you—a street-walking ho on the corner of 5th and Main?

You had that Victoria's Secret outfit on I sent you for your birthday. (How quickly he forgets, folks.) He was a vision. And yes, he wore his cowboy hat. No sense of dress.

Tsk tsk.

And since when do you EVER run out of ramblings?

So the fish is trolling upstream, thanking the powers that be.

I got a new viewer on radar. This nurse from the same website the fish is swimming in. Let's call her... Jean.

For the new year, she is number 2.

TBC... LATER...

Now, in the interest of safe dating, there are scammers on MAO.

Both male and female, trying to con you into sending them money.

Some of you men have liked this younger girl from her photo. She claims to be a nurse, wanting to help.

A 31-year-old who is gaining a lot of attention by way of likes. When you hit the like button, it gets recorded here. Did you know that? Just tap that question mark near the word like.

This "like" list is her hit list, boys.

Get a clue. She is not an ostimate but is willing to travel to "help out." No 31-year-old hottie is interested in helping with ANYTHING.

I am going to expose her in another thread. I have contacted MAO for advice.

Yeah, scamming is a big part of online dating. Ghosting...

Catfishing, too... orbiting,

cobwebbing... cuffing... breadcrumbing... cookie jarring... love bombing... situationships... rizz...

🤫🙇🤦💁

If you guys could keep your replies to around 3 sentences, I could fully comprehend all the replies. My attention span has me looking for squirrels after a couple of sentences. 😁

1- No fun in that, buddy.

2- Will consider it.

3- You have crayons. Draw pictures.

Better?

LOL, crayons help. 👍

Heard you had special crayons too.

Because you are a special guy.🤣

Omb!!

Yeah, you Bob..

I have to apologize. I misspoke of a Nancycat earlier. There is such a person I confused with another lady on here. I thought Nancycat made the comment. My bad. She did not.

They are both from Chicago.

Don't mess with Chicago chicks.

Sleeping now with one eye open.

👀

There's an old saying when you make a comment or even an assumption..

Comments should be direct, a bit salty yet easy to digest because one day, someday soon, you may eat them.

Gulp.😝 Done. Sorry. Cheers.

 

 

Hey bro... you were right... it's working!!

;O)

Yo, bro... Oh my Bob here. Or is that Oh my bro? Well, no sense splitting CH's, right? Anyway, bro, now that you're getting back into the dating world, you best get their names straight. Nothing will sink your boat faster than calling tonight's the name of the one from last night. Nothing. Heed this warning... you'll thank me later. Or maybe tonight.

Alex... how was that?

;O)

OMB!

You heard of the clues closet?

Enter it and get one, please.

At this point in time, I'm not interested in meeting-dating anyone from here. Yeah, gave that up.

I have reached out to a few, and sadly they appear not interested.

Actually, they don't even appear.

We bounce.

It's safer talking about them fish, even naming them on the outside than from here inside. IDC.

Hey, did you ever think MAO was a typo? Maybe they forgot the L?

Imagine THAT?

LMAO.

I hope that was a positive comment about Chicago… Guess where I'm from? 😁 If you diss my Cubs or my pizza, it's war. 😝

Well, look who dropped in?

Did you have any trouble sending the message? Because I did, and this is my second attempt.

The comment was beelined to all people in Chicago.

It's a rough town, badass people—not in a bad sense, just good people that know their s***. So it was not in any way, shape, or form a put-down towards people from Chicago.

Now, since you told me you're from there, that could be... never mind.

Regarding "your Cubs"... I'm sorry, I cannot comment because I'm not a sports person.

Regarding the pizza challenge? Normally, I would take you up on that, but I'm going to defer you to Bob because apparently, he feels New Jersey pizza is orgasmic.

Therefore, I'm not touching this subject.

Now, let's talk bagels.

You always did need your crayons to explain things 🤣🤣🤣

Black Hawks / The Old Ditka's / Da Bears... lived in Chicago for 2 years... loved it!

 

Bryce, one of my uncle's voices is the epitome of the accent ‘Da Bears' comes from 😆 Favorite pizza place?