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He is not willing to try

Posted by Rusty, on Sun Jun 03, 2018 4:29 pm

About time girl! Kick his sorry ass to the curb now! 

God bless you.

Best of luck.


Reply by freedancer, on Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:04 am

I  want to thank all of you for the support and kindness you have shown me through out this ordeal.  I will be fully moved out.  I have to say that I am feeling very positive! Thank you!

Reply by CharK63, on Mon Jun 04, 2018 12:52 pm

You made the right choice! To put it simply: you are a victim of spousal abuse. Absolutely words can hurt as much as blows! You have the self preservation to be able to enjoy the rest of your life and you are well on your way to do just that!
I was in an abusive marriage for 30 years and I’m embarrassed to admit that he left me. Here I was with so much more going on in my favor but he refused to leave and I wanted to keep my house. Needless to say none of it worked out that way, and I found relief in a likker bottle, which by the way, only made matters worse a hundredfold.
My self esteem was already in the toilet and becoming an alcoholic solidified my feelings of being a failure at everything. Funny’s ten years now and I no longer have a drinking problem but he still does and he’s in another abusive relationship. Thankfully, I’ve regained my sense of self and don’t need to see him be a failure to understand that I’m not.
I was 55 when we split up and what I was the most sorry about was that I was so old before it happened. I felt that I didn’t have a chance to become a whole person again at that age.
It turns out that it wasn’t a job or a house that made my self esteem but an inner sense of worthiness. While I know I’m responsible for myself, having someone knock you about verbally takes its toll on a person. It’ affects your ability to make yourself right.
I don’t mean to over intellectualize here. It just comes out that way. I’m sorry for that.
I’m happy for you to have found a job and apartment and know you can survive on your own. That is so great!
I went for four years with NO income at all. Fortunately my mom took me in (which I stoutly refused to consider)

Im sorry for rambling on. Good luck to you, you’re doing great! Make sure you get what you deserve out of this marriage. He shouldn’t be allowed to to get the best of you. It’s just not fair. 


Reply by Angelicamarie, on Mon Jun 04, 2018 5:23 pm

Freedancer, The  first law  of nature is self preservation. Self worth. self esteem are also inportant to a woman, you made a decision to move on-but you left the door open for one who abused you for 12 yrs  and 10 months.Truly I hope he changes for your sake, good luck to,you! Your situation puts me in mind of another ostomate who's no longer on the site, who too shared her story, and other ostomates supported her, said he was the sorriest individual. Well she got a reversal, and this man she said treated her so bad. She's back with him.  She Told  me she never was going to leave him.because she loved  him. Freedancer I pray he will change... thanks for sharing and good luck! For everyone deserves to be loved and respected. Angelicamarie

Reply by Rosiesmom, on Mon Jun 04, 2018 5:40 pm

I truly believe that our ostomies are blessings! It makes us more compassionate to the needs of others as has been displayed in the genuine support and caring comments to all who reached out to you Freedancer. Stay FREE and keep your dancing shoes handy I feel you will need them sooner than you think. It is true when they say God never closes a door without opening a window. I w I'll think of you often and pray for your great future.

sincerely Gail (Rosiesmom)

Reply by Smalls67, on Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:45 pm

I really hope u leave him and don't return. He will not change trust me on this issue. Been down that road.  Beat of luck to you.

Reply by freedancer, on Fri Jun 08, 2018 1:42 pm

Thank You! This has been the most difficult move I have ever done but has been a relief.  My first night in my apartment I had to sleep in my chair because there was a plumbig leak that flooded the bedroom.   The job is just right for me.  It gives me that little bit of extra income to keep things balanced.  Man....I did not  realize I had so much stuff!

Reply by Rosiesmom, on Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:36 am

Happy to hear you so upbeat and positive. When you dump the negativity in your life it is amazing what you can accomplish. May your glass remain half full. As my granddaughter says "you go girl" all the best 

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