Misconceptions By Non-Ostomates

Posted by magoo

on Apr 03, 2016

Hi Again,

I just had to add this short comment. Many of the people I come in contact with just assume that I'm a lazy person because I seem to be working on my project for so long. I had to put my kitchen on hold over the winter, until a short time ago. They know that I have an Ostomy but they could never understand the periodic restrictions that it imposes on everyday life when things go wrong and problems arise, like butt and belly pain which make it difficult to even walk , let alone do physical labor. Even something as mundane as painting is agony when the problems arise. I tried to begin explaining once but a very kind and helpful nephew immediately made it clear that this type of discussion was not going to happen. Now I just let them believe that I'm a little lazy or carefree about finishing my work and don't even try to explain my down times, it's just easier that way.

I find that most people just don't get it anyway so that's just the way it is. To quote Robert DeNiro ( Gangster role ) "it is what it is " and that's that !!

Bye for now.

Magoo

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Comments:

iMacG5 : Hey Magoo, forgive me for not understanding your nephew's position relative to your discussion but if you're happy, it's all good.

I've lived with the philosophy, "It is what is" and professed it to my kids and grandkids along with "Just do the right thing". Now, as and old man I've modified it slightly to become, "It is what we perceive it to be". Perception is everything and sometimes we don't have enough information to know what "it" is.
Respectfully,
Mike Apr 03, 2016

Bill : Hello Magoo. Your philosophy is okay and I would recommend it to those people who just don't want to enter into a discussion. My problem isn't that people see me as a little lazy but rather the opposite. They think that I do far too much and are concerned in case I overdo it. I'm always up for a discussion if people want to engage but my approach is to keep asking questions around the subject matter UNTIL THEY HAVE EXPLORED FOR THEMSELVES AS MANY PERSPECTIVES AS THEY CAN HANDLE. Usually it doesn't take long before they begin to appreciate some of the problems we face and the solutions we find for ourselves.
"it is what it is"; and "it is what we perceive it to be" fit quite nicely with " --it happens-get over it"
Whenever people do not seem to want to listen to an explanation ( which is most of the time)I will often smile and offer them my genuine, deepest sympathy. for there are none so blind as those who do not want to see!.
Best wishes
Bill Apr 03, 2016

AlistairC : Now more than ever, I don't really care what other people "Assume". .....just my .02 Apr 04, 2016

magoo : Thanks for the comments guys , always welcome. I guess in actual fact it may be all about me feeling guilty about not getting stuff done that I need to do... working on my house to be specific. Feeling like I'm wasting time makes me feel that I'm being lazy. I may be simply projecting my own feelings of guilt onto other people. Actually every day I get up , have my coffee and get my tools out and get something done, no matter how small, no matter how I feel. When I appear unwell people are always telling me not to overdo it so I really don't overtly get the "lazy" thing from other people, most of it probably comes from that annoying voice in my own head berating me for slowing down !! In fact I managed to give myself the gift of an hernia in the past couple of weeks from lifting building material so in reality maybe I have been doing a bit much !! A scar from my relocated Stoma appears to have split inside and is causing the classic bulge. I have to see my surgeon in April to check it out.
People who live alone can sometimes spend too much time looking inwards and spending too much time in their own head , all too often it's not a pretty sight lol !! A long time ago I gave up caring about what people think but some of that still lingers on down days so I think it's just me being self critical. My relatives are the greatest and always there for me so none of my statements were meant to be critical of them . As I say , probably just that inner voice giving me the kick in the butt that I ( we all ) need sometimes ...Ouch !!
Thank you for the therapy session guys. Never been to a therapist but I'm sure the people on this site are much more helpful anyway !!
All the best...Magoo. Apr 04, 2016

iMacG5 : Hey Magoo, you probably do more self evaluating than most folks and you're probably harder on yourself than you deserve. Bottom lline is I think you're a pretty sharp guy, fortunate to be where you are psychologically and we're fortunate for your sharing. Stay well and keep in touch.
Sorry about the lump. Apr 04, 2016

magoo : Thank you for the kind comment iMacG5 , much appreciated. I know we all do the "Navel Gazing " once in a while and sometimes find a lot of lint in there lol !! An MAO friend who did too much of that self evaluating and too much looking at the past and what might have been simply stopped taking care of herself physically or caring and wound up dying during a fairly routine surgery. She lost hope and allowed her inner voice to take over the conversation. I was about to visit relatives in the US anyway and to visit her to help her climb out of it but she died only days before I got to see her and help her recuperate. I know the dangers of too much self criticism, it can bring you to a place from which you might never return !! For this reason I try to keep those inner conversations fairly balanced...usually. I got a difficult job accomplished today so I'm feeling much better about my home project.
Thanks again to all...Magoo..stay dry and leak free. Apr 05, 2016