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Mar 08, 2022

Sex with a Colostomy - Seeking Advice

This topic is about navigating sex and intimacy after having a permanent colostomy. The person sharing their experience is feeling comfortable with their daily routine but is anxious about returning to sexual activity. They are concerned about the pouch being a physical barrier or a potential turn-off for a partner. Here are some practical tips and confidence boosters that might help:

1. Use a discreet cover or wrap:
- Consider using commercial ostomy wraps, maternity-store "tummy sleeves," or specially sewn pouch covers to keep the appliance flat against your body.
- Online "cover belts" can also help by allowing you to rotate the pouch to a horizontal position, giving it a lower profile.

2. Lingerie ideas for confidence:
- Try wearing babydoll teddies, high-waist panties, or garments with built-in panels to hide the pouch while still feeling sexy.
- Some partners may prefer no cover at all, but starting with attractive lingerie can help you feel more secure until you're ready.

3. Deciding when and how to tell a new partner:
- Some people choose to delay sharing this information until the relationship feels more established, explaining it as a "life-saving surgery" that resulted in an ostomy, which is often met with support.
- Others prefer to share this information on the first date. Genuine partners tend to focus on the person, not the pouch.

4. Dating another ostomate is an option:
- Couples who both have stomas often report feeling completely comfortable and enjoy practical benefits like sharing supplies.

5. Build body-confidence gradually:
- Start with self-exploration to find comfortable positions. Quiet vibrators can help you discover angles that keep pressure off the pouch.
- Many find that once things get intimate, both partners soon ignore the appliance altogether.

6. Communication and mindset:
- If questioned, you can frame the pouch as a bandaged surgical site and share only what you're comfortable with.
- The less self-conscious you are, the less it will matter to a caring partner.
- Don't let fear delay intimacy indefinitely—life is short, and supportive partners are out there.
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