Meet & talk to fellow OstoMates Support | Friendship | Relationships

Scared of dating with an ostomy

Sun Dec 05, 2021 2:54 am
This is a great community. Consider joining.

Tif, dating post surery is intimidating so it requires practice! I dated women from outside my area and no expectations, i also practiced this way as I didnt want everyone to know in my small town. I had a neoprene black belt about five inches wide, to keep the pouch flat and not getting in the way and that helped alot. I never had anybody be rude and found the women to be accepting, hopefully men are too. I was on an island beach this summer and saw a beautiful young women walking onto the beach with her ileostomy hanging out of her bikini and what a powerful person to be able to do that. I got my surgery when i was about 16 so it was important for me to get back in the saddle. Complications are a royal pain but seemed to be fewer and farther between over the last 25 yrs. Dating culture has changed for the worst with tech i reckon but stay posative. I even found an ostomate once and that was good. I also attended an international meet in Hamilton once and that was great to be surrounded by like minded people.health n happiness

These are the top 5 issues ostomates face:

1. Dating and relationships
2. Concealing the pouch
3. Foods to eat and avoid
4. Losing or gaining weight
5. Pouch ballooning

Check out this video from MeetAnOstoMate.
Wed Dec 08, 2021 1:15 pm

Thank you for all your advice 🥰. I have always admired girls /women who can wear bikinis with their ostosmy bag hanging out. I am not at that level of confidence...but its good to know some are ❤️

Thu Dec 30, 2021 10:20 am

What would be best sexual position if both peeps had a Ostomy bag or two?

reverse cowgirl?

Good old fashioned Doggie Style?

Suspended love swing?

missionary?

Thu Dec 30, 2021 10:22 am


Panko wrote:

What would be best sexual position if both peeps had a Ostomy bag or two?

reverse cowgirl?

Good old fashioned Doggie Style?

Suspended love swing?

missionary?

Whatever she wants. 

Thu Dec 30, 2021 10:25 am


samantha1995.pa wrote:

Don't be ashamed of what saved you, if a man or woman doesn't like it then they're not the one, if they can't handle that your a virgin so be it screw them everyone has to start somewhere and I'm dam right sure they where once one too. It may seem hopeless but get yourself out there enjoy your self, people do say life begins at 40 anyways. 

I don't think peeps are talking about popping their cherry for the first but popping their cork for the first time after being saved by the Ostomy bag or two??

mind you I'm still a virgin! Who needs taking in hand & led a Christian life if you can help I would be eternally grateful 😊 Adam x

Fri Jan 07, 2022 7:59 pm

Trying to find someone who can accept you as you are is especially challenging when you’re bagged. While it may seem far and few in between, people can and do find love and end up in long term or even life long bonds.

If you want to date, just put yourself out there. If you want to weed out the shallow people, be completely upfront from the jump. You don’t need to divulge too much detail. Just enough to let others know what your life challenges are.

Expect to experience the occasional troll or numb nut and expect that many men won’t be as mature as they pretend to be. You’ll likely also have to deal with guys who’ll only hit that like button based purely on your pic. But most importantly, when it comes to dating, it comes down to your level of confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. You gotta be able to accept yourself first before you can expect anyone else to accept you.

Fri Jan 07, 2022 9:28 pm

Sound & true words buddy! You are so level headed & say it how it is I like how you roll & being upfront as not to waste precious time, your right too many peeps judge a book by its cover without reading the content which is more important as looks fade but love & loyalty get stronger! You the Man!

love, light & peace!

Adam

Sat Jan 08, 2022 5:41 am


RedZenDjinn wrote:

Trying to find someone who can accept you as you are is especially challenging when you’re bagged. While it may seem far and few in between, people can and do find love and end up in long term or even life long bonds.

If you want to date, just put yourself out there. If you want to weed out the shallow people, be completely upfront from the jump. You don’t need to divulge too much detail. Just enough to let others know what your life challenges are.

Expect to experience the occasional troll or numb nut and expect that many men won’t be as mature as they pretend to be. You’ll likely also have to deal with guys who’ll only hit that like button based purely on your pic. But most importantly, when it comes to dating, it comes down to your level of confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. You gotta be able to accept yourself first before you can expect anyone else to accept you.

RedZenDjinn,

That is so true what you say about confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. I was already working on those things coming out of a 'bad' marriage that basically gave me PTSD. So then I had my surgery which resulted in an ostomy and it all got lower... lower confidence, lower self-acceptnce, etc. So now I am learning to love myself all over again.  One day at a time eh?

{{{Hugs}}}

🌻

Karen

Sat Jan 08, 2022 10:45 pm


SallyNBC wrote:

RedZenDjinn,

That is so true what you say about confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. I was already working on those things coming out of a 'bad' marriage that basically gave me PTSD. So then I had my surgery which resulted in an ostomy and it all got lower... lower confidence, lower self-acceptnce, etc. So now I am learning to love myself all over again.  One day at a time eh?

{{{Hugs}}}

🌻

Karen

One day at a time is a healthy way to look at things. Looking too far into the future or dwelling too long in the past only stagnates us.

We all at one time or another get beaten down and faded. And even if this happens to you ten, twenty, or a hundred times more, as long as you keep choosing to get back up, brush your shoulders off, remind yourself that what’s done is done, that’s already half the battle.

The other half is simply living your life the best way you know how, reminding yourself that you’re perfectly imperfect, and remembering that more often than not, we’re all a lot more stronger and resilient than we realize.

Because really, we are.

Sun Jan 09, 2022 6:11 am


RedZenDjinn wrote:

One day at a time is a healthy way to look at things. Looking too far into the future or dwelling too long in the past only stagnates us.

We all at one time or another get beaten down and faded. And even if this happens to you ten, twenty, or a hundred times more, as long as you keep choosing to get back up, brush your shoulders off, remind yourself that what’s done is done, that’s already half the battle.

The other half is simply living your life the best way you know how, reminding yourself that you’re perfectly imperfect, and remembering that more often than not, we’re all a lot more stronger and resilient than we realize.

Because really, we are.

So true Red. 

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” —Bob Marley

 

Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:44 pm


SallyNBC wrote:

So true Red. 

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” —Bob Marley

 

What a great quote! ✌️🙂 🤙

Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:07 am


Panko wrote:

I don't think peeps are talking about popping their cherry for the first but popping their cork for the first time after being saved by the Ostomy bag or two??

mind you I'm still a virgin! Who needs taking in hand & led a Christian life if you can help I would be eternally grateful 😊 Adam x

I commend you for your commitment to the Christian morals that so many of us have forgotten or pushed aside for the wiles of the world.  Even though I go to Mass every Sunday and work hard to stay the course, sexually I know that I falter.  I just can't or am not willing to spend the the rest of .my life abstinent.  I believe that God gave us a sexual nature to be fulfilled, when young, abstinence till marriage is proven best and.when old (-70+), I'm still trying to discern what he expects of me.  All I can do and recommend is to approach every agreed upon encounter with an open and loving heart.  It may not be always reciprocated but God gave YOU the commandment to love.  That's how I deal with sex as a senior citizen.  For you,  continue on your path of the Christian Life and use the internet for the Christians looking for... Site. Lots of good people out there!  Thanks, Fred383

Tue Jan 11, 2022 2:20 am


Panko wrote:

I don't think peeps are talking about popping their cherry for the first but popping their cork for the first time after being saved by the Ostomy bag or two??

mind you I'm still a virgin! Who needs taking in hand & led a Christian life if you can help I would be eternally grateful 😊 Adam x

I commend you for your commitment to the Christian morals that so many of us have forgotten or pushed aside for the wiles of the world.  Even though I go to Mass every Sunday and work hard to stay the course, sexually I know that I falter.  I just can't or am not willing to spend the the rest of .my life abstinent.  I believe that God gave us a sexual nature to be fulfilled, when young, abstinence till marriage is proven best and.when old (-70+), I'm still trying to discern what he expects of me.  All I can do and recommend is to approach every agreed upon encounter with an open and loving heart.  It may not be always reciprocated but God gave YOU the commandment to love.  That's how I deal with sex as a senior citizen.  For you,  continue on your path of the Christian Life and use the internet for the Christians looking for... Site. Lots of good people out there!  Thanks, Fred383

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