Dating with an Ostomy: Share Your Stories

Replies
43
Views
6304
Xlshrimp
Dec 05, 2021 7:54 am

Tif, dating post-surgery is intimidating, so it requires practice! I dated women from outside my area with no expectations. I also practiced this way as I didn't want everyone to know in my small town. I had a neoprene black belt about five inches wide to keep the pouch flat and not getting in the way, and that helped a lot. I never had anybody be rude and found the women to be accepting. Hopefully, men are too. I got my surgery when I was about 16, so it was important for me to get back in the saddle. Complications are a royal pain but seemed to be fewer and farther between over the last 25 years. Dating culture has changed for the worst with tech, I reckon, but stay positive. I even found an ostomate once, and that was good. I also attended an international meet in Hamilton once, and that was great to be surrounded by like-minded people. Health and happiness.

tiff041
Dec 08, 2021 6:15 pm

Thank you for all your advice. I have always admired girls/women who can wear bikinis with their ostomy bag hanging out. I am not at that level of confidence... but it's good to know some are.

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 34,000 members who truly understand you.

It's not all about ostomy. We talk about everything.

Many come here for advice or to give advice, others have found good friends, and some have even found love. Most importantly, people here are honest and genuinely care.

🛑 Privacy is very important - we have many features that are only visible to members, ensuring a safe and secure environment for you to share and connect.

Create an account and you will be amazed by the warmth of this community.

Panko
Dec 30, 2021 3:20 pm

What would be the best sexual position if both peeps had an ostomy bag or two?

Reverse cowgirl?

Good old-fashioned doggie style?

Suspended love swing?

Missionary?

AlexT
Dec 30, 2021 3:22 pm
Reply to Panko

Whatever she wants.

Panko
Dec 30, 2021 3:25 pm
Reply to samantha1995.pa

I don't think people are talking about popping their cherry for the first time, but popping their cork for the first time after being saved by the ostomy bag or two?

Mind you, I'm still a virgin! Who needs taking in hand and leading a Christian life? If you can help, I would be eternally grateful. Adam x

 
How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
Past Member
Jan 08, 2022 12:59 am

Trying to find someone who can accept you as you are is especially challenging when you're bagged. While it may seem few and far between, people can and do find love and end up in long-term or even lifelong bonds.

If you want to date, just put yourself out there. If you want to weed out the shallow people, be completely upfront from the jump. You don't need to divulge too much detail. Just enough to let others know what your life challenges are.

Expect to experience the occasional troll or numbnut and expect that many men won't be as mature as they pretend to be. You'll likely also have to deal with guys who'll only hit that like button based purely on your pic. But most importantly, when it comes to dating, it comes down to your level of confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. You gotta be able to accept yourself first before you can expect anyone else to accept you.

Panko
Jan 08, 2022 2:28 am

Sound true words buddy! You are so level-headed, say it how it is. I like how you roll, being upfront as not to waste precious time. You're right, too many people judge a book by its cover without reading the content, which is more important as looks fade but love and loyalty get stronger! You the man!

Love, light, and peace!

Adam

Past Member
Jan 08, 2022 10:41 am

RedZenDjinn,

That is so true what you say about confidence, self-acceptance, and how comfortable you are in your own skin. I was already working on those things coming out of a 'bad' marriage that basically gave me PTSD. So then I had my surgery which resulted in an ostomy and it all got lower... lower confidence, lower self-acceptance, etc. So now I am learning to love myself all over again. One day at a time, eh?

Hugs

Past Member
Jan 09, 2022 3:45 am

One day at a time is a healthy way to look at things. Looking too far into the future or dwelling too long in the past only stagnates us.

We all at one time or another get beaten down and faded. And even if this happens to you ten, twenty, or a hundred times more, as long as you keep choosing to get back up, brush your shoulders off, remind yourself that what's done is done, that's already half the battle.

The other half is simply living your life the best way you know how, reminding yourself that you're perfectly imperfect, and remembering that more often than not, we're all a lot stronger and more resilient than we realize.

Because really, we are.

Past Member
Jan 09, 2022 11:11 am

So true, Red.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." — Bob Marley

Past Member
Jan 10, 2022 12:44 am

What a great quote!

Fred383
Jan 11, 2022 7:07 am
Reply to Panko

I commend you for your commitment to the Christian morals that so many of us have forgotten or pushed aside for the wiles of the world. Even though I go to Mass every Sunday and work hard to stay the course, sexually I know that I falter. I just can't or am not willing to spend the rest of my life abstinent. I believe that God gave us a sexual nature to be fulfilled, when young, abstinence till marriage is proven best and when old (-70+), I'm still trying to discern what he expects of me. All I can do and recommend is to approach every agreed upon encounter with an open and loving heart. It may not always be reciprocated but God gave YOU the commandment to love. That's how I deal with sex as a senior citizen. For you, continue on your path of the Christian Life and use the internet for the Christians looking for... Site. Lots of good people out there! Thanks, Fred383

Fred383
Jan 11, 2022 7:20 am
Reply to Panko

I commend you for your commitment to the Christian morals that so many of us have forgotten or pushed aside for the wiles of the world. Even though I go to Mass every Sunday and work hard to stay the course, sexually I know that I falter. I just can't or am not willing to spend the rest of my life abstinent. I believe that God gave us a sexual nature to be fulfilled, when young, abstinence till marriage is proven best and when old (-70+), I'm still trying to discern what he expects of me. All I can do and recommend is to approach every agreed upon encounter with an open and loving heart. It may not always be reciprocated but God gave YOU the commandment to love. That's how I deal with sex as a senior citizen. For you, continue on your path of the Christian Life and use the internet for the Christians looking for... Site. Lots of good people out there! Thanks, Fred383

MarVee
Mar 30, 2022 12:21 pm

Hi Tiff,

I'm Maria, now 72 years young and I have had an ileo since I was 56 years old. I was admitted to the hospital with a badly damaged colon from years of UC and the third colon blockage in 20 years. The surgeons could not promise me that a section would be possible because of all the scar tissue so I opted for the colostomy. My husband, because he truly loved me, supported and accepted this decision. That is the key for a relationship with an ileostomy. Someone who loves you either way. Afterward, I conferred with some top colo-rectal surgeons in Phila. who advised me that the reversal, on its best days, would mean 6-8 diarrhea movements each day. As a classroom teacher, I did not have the ability to run to the bathroom several times a day. And honestly, I was feeling great having removed the source of my colitis. With a few tricks, I was able to wear jeans, dresses, and even a bathing suit (tankinis are great). I decided to keep the ileo! I found creative ways to hide the pouch during intimate moments and even make it look pretty.

Fast forward 10 years and my husband passes away. The thought of living alone for the rest of my active life was depressing. Who would want to be with the "bag" lady? Who? Another Ostomate, that's who. I was lucky enough to meet an outstanding gentleman right here on this ostomy site. So it can happen and it does.

You have to think of the quality of life in making your decision to keep the ileo or take it down. For me, life is better with the bag than with the agony of UC. And life does go on and it can even get better.

Login to see image