Seeking advice on sex life after ileostomy surgery

I am incredibly lucky. I have been married 24 years this month. A few years ago, I started having GI pain and was miserable all of the time. My husband got a little testy with me when I would not go out with him and couldn't do laundry, but he took over shopping and laundry. A year and a half ago, I was having problems walking. The doctor couldn't figure it out. My blood work was pointing to heart failure, liver failure, and a lot of other stuff. Finally, he told me to go to the ER because they would get tests done faster than he could.

Diagnosis? Diverticulitis with stricture, abscess in my hip from it, leaking crap into my abdomen. I had been wearing diapers on and off for a while and couldn't shit unless it was liquid. My husband did so many loads of shitty clothes that I could not do, and he did it happily.

Fast forward, 4 operations in about a year, colostomy, ileostomy, some resections. Initially, the bags would not stick. I slept on the leather couch since they would come loose while I slept, and that was easier to clean than the sheets and blankets.

Now? My husband does most of the work. I have started cooking more. I feel better than I have in years and hopefully will get a takedown in the next month. BUT my husband is an amazing lover. He does not care that my belly is scarred or that I have a bag hanging off of it. We have a great sex life. I am lucky in so many ways.

It would really help your wife to talk to other people, spouses who are married to ostomates. If you can find a support group near you,

or even have her post on this site....it might help. My husband and I both had ostomies when we met and married. He got sick often with dehydration issues, and I always took care of him when he needed me. But when I needed help to change in my last months of my pregnancy, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. I thought it was so odd and was really angry and resentful. But he set up a mirror for me to do my own changing (I couldn't see my ostomy at that point). And then it turned out that he "didn't do diapers either..... But ironically, we had a good sex life. It's really difficult to understand the other's point of view. Does she really know how much her attitude is hurting you?

We all wish you the best....and hope you can work out your differences.

Marsha

I was just wondering who your post was about... You asked, "Does she really know how much her attitude is hurting you?"

Lorraine, Lorraine....

Hopefully the toolbelt doesn't come with any sharp objects.
But rather than a toolbelt, a sports bra works great, even for men, lol

Any doctor who would give an answer like that to a female patient should be forced to retire. Beatmaid, the first thing you should do is find a new doctor. Perhaps you should find yourself a gynecologist who can make certain there are no unusual physical problems, then refer you to the appropriate psychological specialist for further treatment. There is one other thing I hesitate to mention for fear of being misunderstood, but honestly requires it. I have many friends, both male and female, whose sexual orientation is different than mine. In addition, during my years as a counselor, I have had a few lesbian or gay people come to me. I did not feel competent to handle them as clients because of my strong religious beliefs. Some of these lesbians, either friends or potential clients, told me that they had suppressed their true feelings so deeply they did not realize they had these feelings. Something would trigger an awareness that grew to the point that sex with a man literally became physically disgusting to them. Only after they had discovered and consummated their desires for other women were they able to enjoy sex again. Please don't anyone be angry at me, especially not you, Beatmaid, since I am only relaying things I have been told. You would still need the help of a competent counselor, even if that did somehow apply to you. I wish only the best for any reader of this looking post.

Don