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Tell me, How is this Possible?

Welcome to MeetAnOstoMate
16,890 Members
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  Past Member
Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2015 11:49 am

How is this possible.  unless the other is just like you or similar.  How do you go through all the redtape of dating or a date then explain your situation?  How can you charm that girl only to reveal a gross characteristic?  I've tried.  I was shunned every time in my 12 attempts with the same reactions, which is a disturbed mood changing stiff faced expression then and abrupt ending or they're distant until the end of the date(s).  Then I never hear from them again.  The word-of-mouth thing can be a 'negative' as well.  The more disgusted wemon I tell 3 others will know.  I don't want this negative pattern.  So, tell me how a man can date a normal girl cause I think that's bullshit!

Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2015 3:47 pm

Hi Dweide,  I wanted to post a quick response to your question...which is a very good question.  I attend a support group and a cute couple showed up to talk about ostomy living.  The gentleman had the ostomy and his wife did not.  If I had to guess, the couple was in their mid- late forties.  I found out later in the conversation that they met on line.  He posted about the ostomy situation, was honest and felt if someone was interested in getting to know him, they would answer his profile.  She, on the other hand, research what an ostomy was and information about living with one.  She was not put off by having an ostomy so she responded.  She said to me that everyone has something to deal with, his was an ostomy and she had her things.  They got married after dating for a while, had a nice wedding, honeymooned and have been living happily together.  I hope this helps a little.  Last thought...in September the United Ostomy Association is having the national conference.  Check is out on the webpage if you have a moment.  I attended two years ago and it was a fun time.  Take care.  LH

Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2015 7:06 pm
dweide wrote:

  I was shunned every time in my 12 attempts with the same reactions,


i cant help but wonder WHEN you are disclosing your situation? i would suggest that you WAIT till you have a few regular dates. do normal, active things so your date can see that the situation doesnt affect your living a normal lifestyle. remember most people dont know much about an ostomy. once you have been on 2 or 3 dates and you think you might be seriously interested in seeing that person, THEN you can disclose your secret. i can tell you the i have dated both ostomates and non ostomates and it`s never been an issue for me. good luck

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 1:43 am

Really, what is it with the term normal? One definition: conforming to the standard or common type. I don't fit that and wouldn't want anyone that does. The bag didn't make me "abnormal" though; I was on that path a very long time ago. And I'm proud of it! I do get a bit upset when it seems that someone is referring to themselves as not normal because they have this bag on their belly.

Don't tell them.  Unless your goal on the first date is to have sex, there's no reason to disclose anything. Even then I'm not so sure it's necessary to tell. You just pointed out it's possible to date. The difficulty seems to be keeping a girl around. I think you should not concentrate so much on the telling of what you are afraid to tell...but more so on the personality of the girl you are dating AND if she is the one you think you want to spend the rest of your life with. You will know if she's the one in time and you will feel comfortable telling her all your deep, dark secrets.  

If it's just sex you're talking about.  You being a guy makes it so much easier to hide that thing. Plus, there is a lot on this topic (hiding or camouflaging the bag) that will help.  There was one woman on this site that claimed she had sex with a guy and he never knew she had a bag!!!  My opinion on dating lacks a lot to be desired. But it is supposedly just dating...you're not making a life-long commitment. So, don't tell unless the relationship becomes serious.  First make sure she is on the same page as you as to where the relationship is heading.

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 6:54 am

I did'nt inclose a lot of details, but assume that i'm not an idiot and I know when to wait or when the right time is to inform someone of my condition.  Assume all the basic things have already been done.  Now answer my Question.

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:47 am
Zywie wrote:

Really, what is it with the term normal?


i meant, normal date activities....out to eat, walk in the park,movies, dancing, ect...

 things that show you can lead an active lifestyle with an ostomy. many folks think if you have an ostomy you must be restricted. i will give you an example: when i was first told i would have to have a permanent ostomy, i thought of the only person i knew who had one...a guy i went to school with. i used to see him out early mornings jogging when i was on my way to work. i thought to myself...if he can do THAT, then i can still do the things i do. he never knew but he was a big morale booster for me, he showed me that it was possible to be active.

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:23 am

Gee you must be dating some really terrible women..........did you say 12 ?...............lol.....forget about dating......it is not working for you..............or you need a new approach......there is no normal......women are from Venus.....Men are from Mars...........and a lot of them are from plantets we have never heard about...........lol.......why do you have to tell them........I wonder.........?  was their a motive.......?   

 

 

 

 

 

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:38 am
dweide wrote:

  So, tell me how a man can date a normal girl cause I think that's bullshit!


Sorry MMSH, didn't mean you, was referring to this. 

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:51 am

LOL, I was, LOL

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:58 am

I have no problem dealing with practical everyday stuff, routine, work, social life, etc....Asside from my war wounds and secondary wounds from the aftermath of my illness.  My deal is that when I finally get to a point where the lady and I feel heat, she gets shut off by my situation.  I don't have to reveal anything.  They are going to find out once that basic human need and instinct of love and intimacy kicks in.  I have yet to meet a "normal" girl who is willing to accept that.  So, I must venture within wemon who can relate more.  WHERE ARE THEY???

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:01 pm

What foul stench,

What festering host.

What insults my breath,

And rots in my nose.

It’s burning my eyes,

Cringing my face.

Lingers like fog,

Invading my taste.

Pungent and sharp,

Rusted with cheese.

Thick like Chunky,

Stuck to my teeth.

Clinging to me,

To all that’s near.

It’s not the cat,

Or anything here.

What is that,

Did I break wind?

Did I slip one out,

Without noticing it?

Elusive this is,

Tormenting me.

All in my mouth,

Like a farty treat.

Detective at work,

What could this be.

Unbelievable…

It’s me.

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:03 pm

Good insight.  I'll try harder:)

Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:07 pm

Hi deide,

Sorry you have had so many difficult relationships,but that is in the past.  It is time to move on.  Women just want someone to be good to them.  Take time to listen,leave notes,buy her flowers.  Confidence is key in any relationship, especially in the beginning. Give it some time. Take it slow, and you will find there are plenty of women who don't mind if you have an ostomy.

Good luck,

Heidi

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 1:09 pm
Zywie wrote:
dweide wrote:You were'nt refering to me either.  I don't need a lession on what is a "normal" girl is.  I was just asking where they were.

  So, tell me how a man can date a normal girl cause I think that's bullshit!


Sorry MMSH, didn't mean you, was referring to this. 



Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 9:44 pm

Hey Dweide, I'm told we need to feel good about ourselves if we expect others to. We need a sense of confidence and accept the possibility of rejection.  Not sure how easy it is to get there but lot's of folks are trying to help you. You must be important enough for them to care.

Wish youi the best,

Mike 

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