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Dating

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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:18 pm

Yay Autumn Dreamer  - at least you said something. Hopefully now you can reply.  

 

Welcome Christian!

  Past Member
Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 11:15 pm

sup Wink were yu from

 

Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 1:35 am

Hey Criiz, not much is up.  I am from U.S.   You can click on anyone's name on here to check out their profile. Peace

Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 2:56 pm

I am having the same trouble with dating.  things are fine until they find out about the ostomy then they start acting all wierd on me until things just fall apart.  On thing I can say is that if you do not have the ability to accept the bag yet no one else will.  You have to be comfortable with it.  That is a hard thing to do...I have had an ostomy on and off for 7 years and I am just now starting to be able to change it on my own because I don't really like to see it.

  Past Member
Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:06 pm

Hi alliejmw2,

You sent a wink to say hi , so here's hi .😊

So introduction's are always hard , so I thought I'd comment on your post on dating.

I completely agree with you regarding oneself accepting the bag , and yes as a general rule people don't accept you if you don't accept yourself. But that applies not only to this horrible bag thing we have but to our personalities and who we are in life too. Just a thought... If someone likes you and does the dating thing with you , then is put off because of the bag thing ... Then surely they are not worth it anyhow? By the way I know about multiple operations too !

My name is Alastair. Pleased to meet you!😊

Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2014 5:13 pm

Hi there.

 

 

I have to agree with what you said. Im heading for yet another surgery in a few weeks because the stoma. Went into my abdomen so they have to do it over. Since im not a full member im heading over to the general chat if u want to meet me there.

Allie

Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2014 10:43 pm
I'm having the same problem. My husband left me before my surgery for another woman in March 2011 but divorced Sept 4 2013. I was having cramping pains in my stomach and I started throwing up and I was throwing up a lot on Saturday night Sunday I went to the emergency room I just got home today I had a kink in my small intestine andi have an ileostomy. So glad to be home. but I have a full membership on this site and I have no luck with nobody on here I don't know if they're afraid to get to know you I can't find people in my area I I just don't know what's going on with it. :-\
Posted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 1:03 am

Hi Pammer....and "all"... 

I've been back in the dating pool , 2nd time around...for the last 20 years.  Disclosing is never easy,

but I don't think of myself as "having a bag"....  More like,  I have an ostomy, like others have an anus.

Have to get rid of the waste somehow.  It may turn some ( men or women) off...and not make any difference to others.   One has to kiss many a frog ( or frogetts) before one find his/ her prince/ princess.   I'm seeing a very nice man currently,  and he doesn't "see" my ostomy, or my scars,  or stretchmarks for that matter.  I regard them all as my " badges of survival".  However, I'm more conscious of my weight issue...than I am about the ostomy.   But neither stop me from getting out there and meeting people.  From what I heard,  Mr Right, isn't going to end up on my door step. 

So for any of you out there, who want to chat....just write to me.  I always answer...

And no...I'm not always, upbeat and positive...   A few days ago, Itripped over my bed fram, fell, bashed my shin...bled all over the carpeting and bathroom floor...had to call  911, was taken by ambulance to the hospital.  I needed 6 stitches, but at least nothing broke.  I'm adding still another scar to the ones I already have.   And with dresses short, and no stockings, that scar will be visable for all to see.   Smile)     Best regards....   

 

Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:05 pm

we used to say in texas " when you find yourself in a hole quit digging" you're on your own bubba

Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 1:15 am

Hey Everyone,

As a young single gal, it is a struggle to meet someone and then to tell them about the ostomy. Can anyone share a good way to do this? and what date is right? I feel like I have been able to have casual relationships and it wasn't a problem at all, but then again I wasn't thinking about a future with those people. So coming to my point I had started dating someone and after 5 great dates and some hang outs with friends I told him about my ostomy, things had been heating up and it was something I needed to tell. Things felt different with this guy. He is someone I could definitely see myself with. He was even introducing me to all his friends the next day at a dinner party he was hosting. So when I told him Friday it went ok not great but ok... The mood changed for sure. But still end of the night he kissed me and said he would see me the next day. I met his friends Sat and it went well but I do feel like he has been distant since I told him. My close friends have told me to give him time to digest what I told him. It is killing me though to wait to see what happens. If this is the reason it doesn't work out I am pretty sure it is going to make me feel afraid to try to find someone again. Honestly I want to reach out to him but at the same time I feel like I should give him some space. 

Oh well, please post your thoughts!!

Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 7:46 am
Hi there CAMC
 
I hope you are well and this email finds you.
 
I am new to this site and have found it extremely useful in sharing experiences.
I read your email and can certainly relate to the your current situation.
Just a bit of background on myself- I was 20 years old when I had a sudden bout of UC/CD - they still can't tell me but was quite ill over a 2 month period and was given a permanent ileostomy.  My health ever since has been excellent.
 
As you would know, a big shock to the system at that age and the thoughts about meeting someone quickly diminish. It took me some time to gain the courage to date again and when I became close with someone and thought that I should reveal my situation, I quickly lost the courage to do so. 
At the age of 25, I met my partner (later became my wife - now separated).  She was the right person in my eyes and she definitely felt the same way about me.  The most difficult part of the relationship was how I going to tell her?
 
After reading your email, I think we have shared very similar experiences.  My partner was curious as she had not known anyone with this condition.  I recall sitting up all night with her quizzing me about my experience and how I managed and deal with my condition.  I too experienced the same distance from my partner but in the end, it was not an impediment on the relationship/marriage.
 
Give him some space and continue to talk to him.
 
I really hope things work out for you.
 
Take care and regards
Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 10:34 pm

Hi CAMC! I've definitely been in your shoes and I guess I've developed a "speech" for the occasion that I tailor to the person a bit (I dated a paramedic for a while and thought that might make it easier . . . But it didn't). I tend to do it pretty early on in a relationship. I'm an extremely honest person and I always feel like Im lying to someone if I don't tell them about my ileostomy. I don't mean that I tell everyone--just in romantic relationships. Anyway, at the first sign that things are starting to get physical, I find a quiet time to talk. I often start by taking their hand and placing it over my ostomy (over top of my clothes) and I say that I don't want them to be shocked when the time comes that they see it. I tend to be very "matter of fact" about it because I find if I don't make a big deal about it, they don't either. Lately though I have felt the need to expand that conversation a bit because my Crohn's disease is very severe and atypical and if I think there could be a future with us, I feel they need to know what their getting into. I try to be balanced about the way I talk about it though. I stress that I am doing well now and that I have had some long remissions in the past but that there is no cure for this disease and I would be lying if I told them it wouldn't impact me again or that it doesn't impact me now. I feel that is the best way to go. Try not to harp on it or it will become all that you are. You may want to address this again with this guy you're seeing. He's had some time to think and react to what you told him. He may have more questions or not know how to go forward physically or he may be looking for an out, unfortunately. I've had that happen too and in those cases, it's best to just know that now and be done with it. I've learned that some people just can't handle it. Period! But they are usually the people that aren't as mature or settled in their lives or they're unrealistic about life and the fact that we all have our issues and we all get sick at some point. Hope that helps somehow.

Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 5:56 pm

Of course it is possible to 'date' with an ostomy!! I have had an ileostomy all my life, I am now 19, was in a long term relationship for four years until I was 17, and have been with my current boyfriend just over 9 months, something I feel a lot of people forget is that, even though you have had life changing surgery, it has pretty much helped you get better, obviously, easy for me to say because I dont remember life without my pouch, but I have had friends go through the surgery and I know how difficult it can be. I personally think, when you meet someone who means something to you, just tell them,  when you are ready of course! If they make rude comments or make you feel uncmfortable then there should be no reason for you to give them the time of day, for me, my surgery saved my life, I have had incidents where people have been screamish or rude but I said, this is me, take it or leave it. Just because you now have an Ostomy doesn't mean you are restricted from anything in life, it just takes a little courage and the right person. 

Hope this helps xxx

  Past Member
Posted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 10:33 pm

Hi there. I have had a colostomy since I was in grade school. When I got the colostomy they had a support group for people with colostomys but all the people where adults no young people. So I had no one to talk to about things. So I grew up being very shy afraid to go out with boys. Then in high school I meet this boy I told him about my colostomy he didn't care. It never bothered him it felt great being treated like I was normal. But we divorced after awhile. Now I have a hard time finding a man that isn't afraid to be close to me. Now that I found this web site I hope I can make friends and meet people just like me. smile

Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 1:06 am

I use bag bling to help me feel sexy again

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