Dating with a bag: possible or not?

Had to log in to see if you were from my neck of the woods. Police and family get-togethers are the norm around here. For some reason, the redneck gene passed me up (thank the Lord), so I just sit on the porch and enjoy the show. Unless it migrates to the porch, then I go into my room and lock the door.

Hmmmmm.  Are we "lumping certain people into a category"? I am just curious since you seemed to go ballistic earlier in this thread for that reason. Here are your exact words.

"But you have no right to lump people into the category "

I am a redneck and curious if I should take offense or not?

Oh oh, Zywie now you have done it. Gerald is good at finding contradictions, I know, but his heart is in the right place, so just admit it, there is a bit of a redneck in that pretty face.

Ed

Hey MMSH,

Actually, I was lumping my family into a certain category in response to Gar's comment about his family reunions. Which made me laugh but good call on your part, keep me on my toes.

To clarify, there isn't one person in my family from this area (man or woman) that isn't afraid to throw the first and last punch or that is worried about the police showing up during it. They are all on a first name basis with the local officials. I managed, somehow, to evade the thirst for physical, ummm, shall we say, recreational activities (if I use the word I was thinking of I probably would have caused another heated debate, and I don't want to at the moment). I am not afraid, as some have seen, to get into an argument over something I believe in or over some wrongdoing that I believe has happened. But I don't throw blows. (Except to slap Ed when he needs it.)

I can't tell you if you should take offense or not. I didn't mean to offend anyone, and I apologize profusely to all rednecks out there.

If we lived closer I'd bring ya' over a 12-pack, MMSH, to make amends. Am I forgiven?

Lol....excellent reply. My family tries to refrain from public fighting...except at high school or grade school sporting events.

I rarely drink, but a can of Copenhagen and a box of 22 rifle shells would go a long way to smoothing things out.

Lol, and I suspect Ed needs a slapping every once in a while, just use a light touch, as really he is a good guy.

Peace all

I think we all have a little redneck in us. I can see mine sticking out through my belly. Typical redneck, always spouting off in public, doesn't care who he offends.

Hahahahahahahahahahhahahaaaaaa

Another belly laugh, thanks Gar.

Only cost you a 6 pack. Well, 3 cans. Have a brother that lived on a pig trail in a trailer around Pensacola in '72. He is a redneck still. Lives in Orlando now.

Ah, cheap date. Well, the beer would be for you as I don't like it. I'm a whiskey girl. But haven't been doing too much of that since the surgery. Though I did have a few drinks after discussing things with Sinfulsot one day, and it was nice. :)

Woohooooo! Your brother made it to the big city! However, I wouldn't live in Orlando if someone paid me. I don't mind little towns, but hate big cities.

Anyone see this.

https://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/aspiring-models-bikini-pic-colostomy-bags-goes-viral-195000147.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuYI1ZkF01U

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/jessica-grossmans-uncover-ostomy-campaign-empowers-people-with-crohns-disease-to-live-fulfilled-lives/story-fneuzlbd-1226978768825

No, I didn't but thanks.

Anyone with an ostomy can date..... I have had my ostomy since age ten....was married for ten years then divorced because the temptations of the young neighbor girl won the scene and of course nothing is ever the same once someone cheats, especially for over three years.....yowza.....but until that point it was and seemed as normal a marriage as any ...intimately and otherwise...... I attempted to try a new relationship a few times with dates since that divorce back in the 1990's, but the few boyfriends I dated I had to let go, they were not right for me.

I'm still sitting alone, but by choice.....I do miss intimacy but I won't take part in it unless there is a serious relationship or commitment involved, but that's just me.......having a bag doesn't mean intimacy cannot be wonderful and pleasurable, especially if the focus is on each other ...and not on the bag.

For both ostomates and their intimate partners, when you get close just relax and snuggle.....so lovely when it all begins with a snuggle.....and the feel of that person's warmth and energy.....maybe a massage and gentle touches.....allow things to happen naturally no different than if you didn't have a bag.....if you cannot help your partner feel comfortable with serious discussion about what things make them uncomfortable or squeamish, try humor into the situation and lighten the mood and find fun playful ways to cover that area up......sometimes partners adjust, and sadly other times they do not.....

Being intimate and close to another person is very important on so many levels....we need that as humans.....it's even proven to be quite healing.....all souls need that closeness and should not be denied that.........someone in my position as an example choosing to wait for Kingdom Come and the right man, well that's another story LOL .........but to my Osty Brothers and Sisters out there.....never feel bad about having an ostomy and never let it stop you from doing anything.....and don't fault YOURSELF if you have a partner who becomes uncomfortable with the situation......if counseling or any other method of trying to comfort your partner and work through it doesn't work....don't allow it to bring you down as if you are unworthy of that love and affection.....it is a problem within that partner, even if that partner is a wonderful person, the reaction is theirs....but you are not any less worthy of that intimacy...........

I ramble......sorry......and it's been a long day so I hope that all made sense.......every word said with sincerity and love...........just carry on everyone, the best you can.......

There's an old expression, .... "life is a dance, sometimes the music changes but the important thing is, we must always keep on dancing" )

Everybody's Sister DOE :)

Yes, I did. But thanks, Gar. :)

Actually, I did not respond to this here because I saw you posted it elsewhere and got responses. I saw the one Ed posted too.

Laters

I've had my bag for just over a year, of course you can date, but then again I was seeing someone who knew me before my operation and didn't have a problem with it. I thought it would be hard to have sex, but no, it was all good! :-P

People on here are so goddamn miserable! Poor me, I've got a bag no one understands. Get a grip, people. Just be glad you're alive! Bags are better than a box!

Hey 1985, I seldom disagree with opinions from posters here except when it concerns religion, creation, evolution, morality, empathy, selfrightiousness, selp pity, and a dozen or so other things.  I usually don't reply though.  I wait, read more and eventually I understand the writer better and learn from her or him.  I might still disagree but find it much easier to accept their side of it.  Your suggestion regarding our misery is way wrong.  Sure we have our moments and sometimes we get really pissed and even condemn the Big Guy for "doing" this to us but you know what, we come back to reality, get back on the forum, find some folks who really need help, give them our best offering and we all feel a little better in the end.  There are some bright caring folks here who are so generous with their time and effort and they are ostomates.  They have hearts and souls and jump at the chance to eliminate others' miseries.

Stick around, check us out and see if you don't get to respect our attitudes and efforts.

Sincerely,.

Mike

Hang on a minute, I'm not in any way being nasty with what I said! I'm a caring person after all, I'm a single mother! I understand people get down, depressed, and say "why me," but at the end of the day, life is what you make it! Smile, hold your heads up high! And again, I'm sorry if I've offended anyone!

Hi again 1985.  You certainly don't owe me an apology and I thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Respectfullyu,

Mike

Hmmmmm should I or shouldn't I? That is the question. Oh hell, why stop now.

I must say this: this is probably the "only" place some of us have to vent our anger over this. Some of us didn't have problems for years that this surgery resolved. It was sudden, unexpected with no time to contemplate what it meant in the long run. Or if we are just having a really shitty day (no pun intended) the people on here are willing to listen to us rant. Some even make us feel better by saying, "Yeah! I know exactly how you feel." This isn't just a feel-good site. It's our place to come and feel comfortable with people in our situations and get things out that we can't with the people in our everyday lives. It doesn't mean we walk around like that 24/7, just means at this time we are and need to reach out.

If I had not found this site, I may not be here. I let out all my nasties and some very wonderful people reached through the internet waves and nabbed me and made me smile. If I would have gotten responses from everyone like what you wrote up there, I'd have never come back and would have not searched further for answers and help.

I believe that's what Mike was saying too. Every day is not sunshine and roses. There are rainy days too. We need someone to open their umbrella and walk with us at those times. Not tell us we are silly for crying in the rain.

I'm sure you're a wonderful person. We really aren't miserable, we just feel comfortable here. If you sit and read the forums for a while, you will see there are some very intelligent, funny, happy, caring people here.

Hi everybody

( Moonshines ) Spot on, your reply just concluded all my thoughts in a short sentence.

I am gonna drop some knowledge here, so please feel free if you do like it or dislike it

It seems that girls, women, females or whatever you call them on this website are looking for George Clooney with an ostomy

Guys, gents or similar creatures on here are also looking for Cinderella with an ostomy

Would also like to highlight some trendy words by some ostomates. When it comes to dating on this website, please don't say I am looking for someone to date from the same boat without meaning it.

I thought I would find people on here who would help each other not to sink in the ocean of dating misery, but the truth is that people on here are striving to stay afloat by using other ostomate as a swimming aid.

So, for people who claim on their profile "I am open to talk or chat with anyone" and then don't reply even when a contact email is been provided in the message ( F--K U ALL FOR NOT spending 2 minutes in acknowledging respond ;) (SELL OUTS fully applies to u lot)!!

People..... Realistically, it is much easier to convey how you feel, whatever it's because of the ostomy or a relative health condition to an ostomate than a stranger who knows NILL in medicine.

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR OF SOMEONE WHO GOT ALONG WITH AN OSTOMATE FROM THIS WEBSITE AND IF IT is (0) WHICH I'M SURE ABOUT IT, THEN, THIS WHOLE DATING OPTION IS AN EXPLICIT SCAM AND CLEARLY PLAYS ON PEOPLE'S INSECURITIES AS A MARKETING TOOL.

Having said that, this website is a great source of knowledge and you can actually chat with some really nice people on the chat forum or the chat room, who are happy enough if they make you feel better by any sorts and means. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ITS UGLY OPTION OF DATING, DON'T BE LIKE ME AND FOOL YOURSELF ANYMORE

If you can prove me wrong; as this website has successful stories in dating ( 5 successful ones at least) I'm deleting this reply and also posting an apology instead, and if it's true think about it for a minute.

Sorry for being long

Love you all

Hi Darrius, try not to allow a member's non-response to affect you too much as some members no longer or infrequently check their messages.

Here's a video introducing a guy who seems to have mastered the art of feeling happy even though many would not be able to enjoy a life like his:

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I'd love to talk with you! I'm having a rough time dating not only because of my bag, but because I have a sister that is determined to commit infidelity with anyone I date! What have been your experiences? What do you want out of life? How about traveling? Have you traveled? To where? Do you, or can you travel now? Where would you like to go? Doing what activities once there? As far as dating, which I don't know if you are, I think it is better with another ostomate. But they may easily stray if a non-ostomate seduced them, depending on the person, the ostomate, and the situation. What have been your experiences? I hope you write back soon on this blog. We want your feedback, advice, and suggestions. Some ostomates do not want to date another ostomate. To me, it all depends on how well one is respected, treated, and pampered in the relationship!

I am in no way trying to be mean, Spiritual Living, but Darious is 24 and I believe his comments were more directed at the girls (women) that he has messaged trying to get to know to see if a dating situation would arise. NONE have messaged him back even to say "Hello, thanks for your interest." While you are still a good-looking woman, you are not exactly in his age group for dating. Plus, you mentioned some ostomates don't want to date another ostomate..... then they shouldn't be on this site checking the little box that they are looking for a relationship. As for your sister, she needs a good slap, but in lieu of that thinking you are a pacifist, at least a good tongue lashing. Another thought, if the men are supposed to be dating you but easily end up in bed with your sister - I'd be rethinking the kind of men you are picking to date.

Darious, I would love for you to have to delete your message and apologize. But, even though I have gotten several gentlemen messaging me (which I ALWAYS reply, even if to say "just want to be friends" - has nothing to do with looks, has to do with things in their profile I just know won't work with me) I have to agree with you. I know you have been on this site long enough that SOMEONE should have replied to you. You are not the first young man I know on this site that has the same problem. He messages every new person that comes on here, particularly the girls in his age group, just telling them he'd like to be friends and is willing to talk any time. None reply to him either. He's the sweetest man, intelligent, funny, cute. After reading your profile and what you wrote up there, you are intelligent and, to me (I know I'm older, but I am still a female) handsome, and I have chatted with you several times in chat and you have made me laugh and are interesting. I don't get it either. Especially if they have looking for "friends" just want someone to talk with, my age, that understands. I didn't know there was a criteria for friendship.

Mainly, I agree with what you said and I'm glad you posted it. Just not sure the right people will see it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GIRLS????!!!! YOU ARE PASSING UP MEN THAT YOU SAY YOU WANT TO KNOW!!! Geez, they're even confident enough to contact you first, there's guys my age won't do that.

Also, you shouldn't blame this site for people's lack of courtesy. The site is only a tool, you know this. The site is not a scam.

I can tell you I had met someone on here and it looked like we were going to end up "happily ever after". But he disappeared on me and I have no idea what happened. I am only hoping he is well. I don't know if that counts as one of your 5, but it's the best I can do for now.

HUGS!

Hi everybody

Thanks for your replies and as I said, I accept all of them.

-Three- thanks for your advice- you almost got it right. I am already striving to start my own thing. I am planning to launch a new service for students by September. Hopefully, I keep the passion up there because that's how I survive nowadays.

-Spiritual living- it sucks having a sister like that, whatever people you do like to date; I would be absolutely wrecked if I were in your situation. What's yours is yours, no matter how old, how big, how tall or if it even was an alien from space :D:D:D

I haven't got much experience in relationships but dating. I am sure you know much more than I do in various aspects. As I said, I'm currently working on that startup, I am going all in or nothing in this. I'll definitely be visiting the states once, have always wanted to visit that place, but not this year to be honest. HI5 for loving motorbikes, just got one 2 days ago :D

- Zewi- thanks for your shout out to girls in here.. hope they listen !!!

Mentioning (ostomate.org) as a tool for ostomates to have similar -condition wise- relationships is a defective tool, hence, it is the exact meaning of not having the tool at the first place. I am not the first person to complain. Lots of other members that I had a chat with almost mention the same thing about dating on this website.

EVERYTHING COULD BE FIXED. IF WE JUST STAND STILL, IT WOULD NEVER EVER CHANGE!!!

WHAT CAN WE DO TO HAVE A COMMUNITY FOR OURSELVES THAT IS NOT CONFINED TO VIRTUAL CARING, BUT LOVING AS WELL?

I'll definitely be counting yours as one of the 5. So it is 4 to go now. I would love to prove myself wrong.

To be followed....

Well, since you are a young man, I think I should pass on the top 5 things that men understand about women.

1:

2:

3:

4:

5:

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHHAAAAHHAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAA OMG!!! ;MMMS; you are great! I actually laughed for about 2 minutes on that one, still smiling.

Darious, I get ya now on the site. I don't know exactly who set this up or what they had in mind but it is not like other sites where they "match" you or make suggestions. It's just you checking off if you want a relationship or not and then hoping and praying someone answers you or messages you. It does leave a lot of room for improvement. It was a good idea but stopped real short of its potential.

Unfortunately, I may have some computer knowledge but not enough to write a program that does such a thing. Nor do I have the money to buy an already canned version of a dating site that only needs a few tweaks to be more customized to what we'd like to see.

Anyway, the only way someone is going to see my SHOUTING is if they read this topic and my reply. It would be nice to be able to put a banner up somehow that all could see as soon as they log in to this site. Or a sticky topic that would always be the first one seen. (I thought all forums had that?)

That was hilarious :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

LOL.... looks like you had lots of experience

Hmmm, seems not too many are taking up your challenge. Maybe all the people that have hooked up on here don't come on here anymore?

Anyway, I looked this member up from another post because he intrigued me, saw he was in my age range, (Yay!), saw he was looking for friends, relationship, travel partner, (another Yay!), really liked his profile (Yay, Yay, Yay!), checked out his pics (nice looking, but "sigh"): Well, can't figure out how to get the pic here but check out lowflyingbs profile on this site. (Probably should not have tried to post a pic from his profile without his permission anyway - oooppss, sorry.)

Laters, Darious!

P.S. Have to make an addition here because some of my friends were trying hard to find ways to fix me up with lowflyingbs. He is already with someone :) That is why I told Darious to check out his profile. The pic is him with his girl. Just was showing Darious another story from here where people got together.

I just saw you mentioned my profile. I sent you a message last night. Hope you get it and respond. I enjoyed reading your posts on here. It is possible to find someone on here, I've done it. Hoping to find someone again. And I don't mind if you tried to post a pic of mine, kind of flattered actually.