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Posted by Angelicamarie


                                      You never realize

                                       how lonely you

                                       are until it's

                                       the end of

                                        day and you

                                        got a bunch of

                                         things to talk

                                         about and no

                                         one to talk too.



Surely you have experienced an extremely hard day and wanted to discuss it with someone then realized, with whom?

Most of us probably didn't feel this way before our surgery because our lives were different. Then boom!  Suddenly our life is turned upside down. We were dealt lemons!

One might say you can be in a crowded room thats filled with family and friends but still be lonely. Have you been there?

Then there are some of us who are still with our mates and they have not experienced or suffered our misfortune or life saving event. But the love is still there, (lucky You.)  Of course, there are some who have struggled through it and yet they are making it despite the odds. They are still standing together.

I read from the collections where one's wife, husband or significant other  left them because they couldn't deal with the change. Does that mean that you can't be loved by a person who does not have an ostomy? I dont think so!

 I can't forget about those who are single, divorced or have lost a love one and are actively looking for a new love but have found  the experience to sometimes be extremely difficult, discouraging and lonely. It seem to me that most ostamates look for relationships simply because they share something in common.

Ostamates, before your surgery wasn't there something good or special about you that made you attractive to others? Trust me its still there! Anyway, this is just a little something that's been on my mind.

Some of you may be lonely for companionship, a friend or some one to love you like you would love them.

There is nothing wrong with wanting love from others who have an ostomy but please don't limit yourself. You have options!

Isn't loneliness a mind blowing experience? Until next time,




Primeboy : Good post, Angel. Carson McCuller (sp?) wrote a great book, "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter", which deals with loneliness and physical or mental limitations. It was made into a movie with Alan Arkin. As things turned out in the story, loneliness really proved to be a mind blowing experience. Best to keep one's options open or get more.
Bill : Hello Angelicamarie. Thanks for another great post! I have written a few verses for people on loneliness and it can be as you describe --'mindblowing'. I am reminded of the days when I used to help young people in transition from care to independence. They were so keen - until they found that living on their own made them extremelylonely. It can be a devastating experience for young and old alike, until the adjustment process kicks in and we find a way of working through the negative feelings to a more positive frame of mind.
Best wishes
Angelicamarie : John, thank you for responding to loniness, it is in fact mindblowing!!!
Have a great week John! Angelicamarie
Angelicamarie : Bill, thanks for responding to loneliness, I would imagine for anyone it would be difficult once there alone and the loneliness kicks in it's difficult! Have a great week Bill! Angelicamarie
Angelicamarie : Emily 92 Good morning, I rec'd your comment on my blog loneliness. The accident that you had been there, you did what I had done you got up dusted your knees off and took control. Emily before your life saving surgery you were special in your own right, and guess what? You still special. Ostamates differ because of how we rid our waste, but we're still human beings. I don't believe you will be without a mate forever, until then do you Emily! Good luck and have a great day!! I would like to apologize to u by mistake I deleted your comments so sorry! Angelicamarie
Bmcclellan : Very well written post Ang! I am so glad that you have this site to share thoughts, stories and communicate with others that are dealing with similar issues. Take care!
Angelicamarie : Thanks Bmcclellan, I appreciate that, thanks for responding to
Loneliness! Have a great day !!! Angel
spinbot : Unfortunately, loneliness can exist even with a companion. This summer marked the end of another long-term relationship for me. Loving her was not enough and sadly I understood her desire to end our time together and simply packed up some things and moved out. Our ostomies are just a result of some underlying illness, in most cases, so we've had bigger issues to contend with. After being beat down by health issues for three decades, you sometimes just give up (not in a suicidal way). I spent so many years not being able to go anywhere and barely able to work. I was lucky that I had a job where I was at a desk and always near a washroom. Most of the time I didn't want to leave the house as prior to my ostomy, I could go to the bathroom 30+ times a day and most times it was a 10 second countdown until it started. That would make going anywhere in a vehicle pretty risky or at least painful (trying to hold the virtually unstoppable urge). Now that I am in my 40's and single, I look back on my life and what I have achieved and I am somewhat embarrassed. I've had many things I wish I could do with my life, but I realistically haven't pursued as I know I lack the stamina to achieve them. All I really want in life is one best friend and partner that I can be with every day, however finding that person seems challenging now. I feel as if I would be holding them back and not actively being a part of enough of their life. I've always encouraged partners to engage in activities with their friends and family without me, which has both helped and backfired (the later being her having an affair). I think part of me is on this site to find a potential partner that isn't 100% healthy in hopes they will want to live a slower pace of life than those that are. In other words, if we both aren't of perfect health, then maybe we can be each other's best friends and simply enjoy being together doing the simplest of things. If it wasn't for my cat (ya, I am a straight guy with a cat), I think it would be extremely lonely, but having his life force in my place makes a difference. I wish I could have taken our dog with me as well, but separations never end up being perfect.

I'm sure I had a point I was going to make before I started this reply. I guess to be on topic, I do agree with your assessment that trying to date just others with Ostomies isn't the solution to our holes in our hearts. I've never dated anyone with issues like me but I have dated multiple woman in one form of healthcare of another, which have been pretty understanding. I always figured woman are more understand and less superficial than men anyways and my life experience with woman have only supported that idea. Im not a GQ type of guy, so I've had to sell my personality and my extremely large penis to woman, which has worked out okay for me. Just kidding, I have a terrible personality. LOL Fine, I don't have a enormous penis (I'm normal). :) I must stop talking before too much of my evil side comes out.
Angelicamarie : G'morning spinbot, thanks for responding to loneliness, I appreciate your honesty about your relationship with loneliness. Some of us continue to be dishonest with ourselves, I can relate to some of the things you shared. Though others have health problems they are ignorant to our medical issue, you didn't do it to yourself , it happened to you. Don't be embarrassed about what you haven't achieved it's never too late! Oh by the way love your humor!! I'm sure it's someone out there who will love you just the way your are! Good luck to u! Have a great day!!! Angelicamarie
Buffythevanpire : Well done Ang!!!
Angelicamarie : G'afternoon Buffy, thanks so much!! Have a wonderful day!! Angel